


Need You To Need Me | Jenlisa

by Lesyeuxdemily



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE, BLACKPINK (Band), EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, F/F, Friends to Lovers, LGBTQ Female Character, Lesbian, girlxgirl, gxg, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 59,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28487841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesyeuxdemily/pseuds/Lesyeuxdemily
Summary: "Don't come too near". These were the first words to leave her mouth.They hadn't seen each other in three months and these were the only things she could say."Why?" Jennie said, she wasn't surprised or disappointed. She just never understood. This is why Lisa didn't want to look at her. Not anymore at least."Because I'll hate you if you do" there was a long pause from both parts before she said " and I don't want that"."Why?" Jennie said, again."Why what?" Lisa knew she wouldn't have been able to answer if not with a question, even if she knew the reasons, all of them."Everything: why did you avoid me all summer, why did you disappear into thin air, why wouldn't you pick up the phone just once to at least tell me that you were doing okay. I would've just let you be then"There was another long pause. Both of them were expecting Lisa's answer. But nothing came out except for an "I don't know .”
Relationships: Jennie Kim & Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Jennie Kim/Kim Jongin | Kai, Jennie Kim/Kim Taehyung | V, Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Jeon Jungkook/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Kim Jisoo/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé, Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Seo Soojin, Park Chaeyoung & Loren
Comments: 168
Kudos: 161





	1. PROLOGUE

She was standing there, completely and perfectly still. She had never been more still in her whole life. She was so still that she wasn't even sure she was still breathing. She didn't bother to check.

She sensed something, or rather someone, standing next to her but she couldn't tell who it was and how long it had been there.  
Then it all hit her at once. Not because of the smell, or the hair or because she was looking at her. She never looked at her. She just knew.

"Don't come too near". These were the first words to leave her mouth.  
They hadn't seen each other in three months and these were the only things she could say.

"Why?" Jennie said, she wasn't surprised or disappointed. She just never understood. This is why Lisa didn't want to look at her. Not anymore at least.

"Because I'll hate you if you do" there was a long pause from both parts before she said " and I don't want that".

"Why?" Jennie said, again.

"Why what?" Lisa knew she wouldn't have been able to answer if not with a question, even if she knew the reasons, all of them.

"Everything: why did you avoid me all summer, why did you disappear into thin air, why wouldn't you pick up the phone just once to at least tell me that you were doing okay. I would've just let you be then"

There was another long pause. Both of them were expecting Lisa's answer. But nothing came out except for an "I don't know ".

This was when they both looked at each other. But, for the first time, Jennie couldn't decipher Lisa's eyes. It was like it wasn't her. Like she was a stranger. 

"I don't believe you" Jennie said, but she wasn't convinced of her words. It felt like Lisa really didn't know why.  
With that being said she left, while Lisa stood there, completely and perfectly still.


	2. I.

Six months before

Lisa had been looking forward to this trip ever since she came back from Australia. She had been fantasizing about it and couldn't keep herself from smiling every time she thought about it. She was gonna spend a whole week with her. Seven days of pure bliss. Or so she thought.  
She had been daydreaming and replaying her laugh, the way her whole face changed when she smiled, her expressions when something hurt her but didn't want anybody to know.  
She thought she had her all figured out. She was so convinced that she knew Jennie like the palm of her hand that when she got out of Taehyung's car with no other than Taehyung himself, she was speechless. She wanted to turn her heels and go back to where she came from. All her fantasies came crushing down. Yet, she couldn't help but smile internally when she noticed that Jennie was coming towards her to greet her. She had her signature smile on, what Lisa thinks is a mix between a sad smile and a low-budget-tv-series actress one. Lisa wasn't sure wether Jennie pitied her or was just playing a character, like she was sure she was doing with everybody else.

Her train of thoughts was interrupted once Jennie's arms were around Lisa. She couldn't get herself to reciprocate the hug, no matter how hard she tried the thought of her and that dude together was too much for her to handle.   
Jennie noticed that she was hugging a stiff figure but she brushed it off, figuring it was just how Lisa reacted to things sometimes and whispered in her ears "I missed you Lili".


	3. II.

Maybe it was the nickname that only she used or maybe it was the fact that she knew she had no rights to act mad that made her forget everything and plaster a smile on her face, acting like everything was alright, like she always did.

"Missed you too!" Lisa said, trying to sound as upbeat as possible "I should go and try to pick the best room before Jisoo and Rosie steal it from me" she laughed awkwardly trying to get out of this situation as soon as possible. 

Was she going to avoid Jennie throughout the whole vacation? Of course not, that would have been weird, she thought. But she also knew that if she wanted to make it out the less damaged possible she couldn't play her game, or at least what she thought was a game to Jennie. Again, she couldn't really tell what went through the oldest's mind.

As soon as she went to take a step, Jennie gripped her wrist to make her turn around.  
" aren't we gonna share the room like always?".

Lisa was in a loss of words, was she serious right now? Why was she doing this to her ?

"Well... ehm ... since you came with Taehyung.. well.. i thought... you know" Lisa said, hoping the red in her face wasn't as noticeable as she thought it was.

"Nonsense! We've shared a room everywhere we've ever been, plus you know I'm not with Tae, not like that at least..." Jennie said, making Lisa happy and sad at the same time. Happy because Jennie and her were going to sleep in the same bed and sad because, well, she knew what kind of relationship her best friend had with the guy. They were friends with benefits; and, as much as Lisa knew that it wasn't anything romantic ( at least on Jennie's side), she couldn't help but hate the words that had come out of her best friend's mouth.

"Alright then, we should head inside. It's freezing here" Jennie said, before intertwining her arm with Lisa's and leading the way towards Jungkook's house.

It had been indeed Jungkook's idea of going to his parents holiday house in the mountains to celebrate their last New Year's Eve together, as seniors. Everyone had been excited, and still was, for their own reasons. It felt like everybody knew, well everybody but the person of interest, that Jungkook had been crushing on Lisa since junior year. But, since Lisa had been oblivious, she hadn't seen too much into it when he had asked her to come to his house one day during Christmas break. He had confessed to her. She had turned him down, nicely, or at least she hoped she did.   
But the thing with Lisa is that she hates rejecting people almost as much as being rejected herself. That's what caused her to stay in her last relationship for longer than she had intented. She just couldn't say no, to anybody.  
So when Jungkook, with his big brown puppy eyes had asked her why she wasn't saying anything, she had to say she had never thought of him that way and that it was all coming as a surprise to her. After what felt like forever, she had agreed to at least take into consideration the possibility of dating him. The week in the mountains was gonna be his "free trial", he had said laughing.  
After leaving his house, she had felt hopeless once again. Not because of Jungkook, he was a great guy and a had always been a great friend to her. She couldn't be mad at him for having feelings for her. She would have been an hypocrite to think that way, given her situation with Jennie.

She should have told her about her confession but she decided to keep it to herself.  
She couldn't stand how Jennie would always encourage her to jump into new relationships even when she knew Lisa didn't reciprocate.   
She had sighed when she had decided to persist with her decision, silently hoping that, maybe, the time would come where she could actually make her best friend Jealous.

"What's up Lily? You seem tense" said Jennie, taking a step towards the blonde. 

But Lisa was quick to disrupt the new-found closeness. Its not that she didn't like to be engulfed by Jennie's whole presence but the closer she were, the least she could be able to lie to her. The fact was, Lisa couldn't lie to her. Ever.   
While Jennie was such a mystery to everyone, Lisa felt like she was an open book. And she hated that. She wished she was able to hide her feelings like the brunette seemed to do so well but there was something about lying that just didnt seem to belong to her.  
Nevertheless, she put up the best poker face she could muster at the moment, smiled and said she was alright and was just feeling extra jet-lagged that day.

After everybody was done with their luggage, they went downstairs and had lunch together. The food wasn't great but they were enjoying each other's company and that's what mattered. Jungkook was busy making everybody laugh with silly stories of him, Taehyung and Loren about their trip together to Greece and he, of course, missed to notice that there was one person, or better two, who weren't laughing at all.   
Lisa was playing with her food, too deep in thoughts to even notice the worried petite brunette who was glancing at her from time to time. In fact, Lisa didn't think Jennie noticed her, let alone her feelings; truth was, she was mistaken. Jennie was just a very good observer who was also just as good at hiding the glances and the worried looks she threw at Lisa. 

On the other side of the table everyone was laughing but the feelings were the same.  
Rosie was laughing so hard she had to lean towards her boyfriend, Loren, for support because ether else she would have been on the floor. Jisoo was laughing too, but she didn't miss the gesture of her best friend that made her stop laughing and think, for just a second," i remember when it used to be me who she'd lean to". But the thought vanished just as quick as it came, letting jisoo mentally re join the others with a smile on her face. 

In the afternoon the group decided to go out. Surprisingly, everybody agreed. They all thought it would be a miracle not to fight during this vacation since the only plan that was settled and the unanimity had agreed on was the club they'd spend New Year's Eve at. 

They had decided to go ice skating. At first, Lisa wasn't really keen on the idea since she wasn't that good on ice; Jennie, on the other hand had been ice skating since she was a kid and honestly, it showed. As soon as they steeped foot on the arena, Lisa and jisoo were quick to grab the support bars on the sides and seemed to hang on for dear life while they watched the others skate around freely. 

Their eyes were focused especially on a pair of what could pass as professional ice skaters. While Jennie was busy doing pirouettes, Rosè was effortlessly in the position of the angel, looking like one herself, thought Jisoo. Both being so mesmerized by the two girls they were unknowingly longing for, they hadn't noticed that Jungkook and Taehyung had made their way to them and were now teasingly asking them if they needed help.   
Jisoo was quick to tell them to fuck off, going on a feminist rant on how offensive they had been to imply that Lisa and her needed a man to hang on to.   
And when Taehyung jokingly said " okay Frida Kahlo, if you insist you're good on your own then i can just go..." 

Jisoo didn't even let him finish speaking and was again quick to grab his arm and said " geez so you really can't take a joke! C'mon lead the way" she then added " i wanna be as good as Margot Robbie in Sonja by the end of this". 

Taehyung smirked before saying "You sure are just as crazy" and was quick to skate away before Jisoo registered what he had just said, turned and tried to get him back for his words but, given her poor skating skills, she just ended up on her butt.

The furious expression on her face vanished once she noticed who had came up to rescue her: Rosè. 

"I see Tae wasn't a good knight in shining armor after all" said Rosè while wearing a cheeky grin on her beautiful face.

" I don't see how you can make irony right now when your best friend has probably broken her precious butt" 

Rosè just laughed it off and said " I'm actually here to prevent your so called precious butt from further damages" 

" that's the spirit, you should always be kind to your seniors" said Jisoo, while clumsily trying to stand up. 

Rosie helped her up and gently offered Jisoo her hand, which she stared at for a few seconds before shyly taking it.   
They slowly started skating, both giggling like the two teenagers they were at jisoo's clumsiness.   
It had been a long time since the two of them had actually done something like this. Ever since Chaeyoung had started dating Loren, Jisoo felt like the blonde didn't have time for her anymore. And whenever they did actually spend time together, Loren's name would unintentionally be all over Rosè's mouth, making Jisoo's hate for the guy only grow stronger each passing day. 

Once they reached the spot were the others were, Taehyung noticed the two girls and, given his teasing nature, looked over at Rosè's boyfriend and said loudly " yo Loren, aren't you mad your girl got herself a girlfriend" 

" I wouldn't mind as long as they'd let me join" replied Loren with a cocky wink.  
Jisoo's whole face became red. She let go of Chaeyoung's hand and made a move towards the exit but was quickly stopped by the blonde, who was holding her wrist. 

"Come on Jisoo, you know they're just kidding, right?"   
But Jisoo wasn't about to have another pity party threw at her. She thanked God that she had her back turned towards Rosè, which gave her the time to recompose herself, slightly turn around and say, with a smile on her face " oh i know Rosie! I was just going to grab a bottle of water at the coffee stand... do you want anything ?"

" nah... I'm good, you go along" Rosè said, an unclear look on her face while she looked at jisoo skating away. 

Why am I disappointed, thought Rosè. 

Lisa too had her share of knights in shining armors that afternoon. After Jungkook had offered her to skate together and shyly took her hand, they had skated around for a while without much chatting, except for small talk.

Jungkook was a skilled skater, unlike Lisa who sometimes had to clench his hand in order not to fall down and make a fool out of herself.   
Jungkook never failed to reassure at every tiny mistakes she made, saying it usually took a while to get comfortable skating, but once you get the hang of it you're basically invincible. 

Lisa laughed at Jungkook's funny attempts, which included planned falls and tragic lines, to make her worry and fear fade alway. He had actually quite succeeded at making Lisa more at ease and unknowingly took her mind of a certain brunette who always seemed to occupy her thoughts. But it was a relatively short vacation for her brain cause, as soon as Lisa looked around, she caught a pair of piercing eyes staring back at her from across the arena. 

It was Jennie. 

Why is she staring at me? Am i that bad at skating? I knew i should have stayed home.  
Lisa thought while continuing to skate in circles, her hand still intertwined with Jungkook's. 

After what felt like hours, Lisa was sweating and felt like her ankles were on fire so she excused herself. While she was making her way to the exit, she looked around once again but Jennie seemed nowhere to be found. Deciding she was probably taking a break somewhere she took the hall that led to the changing rooms.

Once she was inside she heard a familiar voice coming from behind one set of lockers. It was Jennie's voice, she thought. But who was she talking to?

" Please give me another chance, it's not what it looks like... you know I wouldn't do it to you" Jennie was saying, a desperate tone in her voice.  
"I'm here with a couple of friends... yeah the usual... Lisa, the girls and Rosie's boyfriend" she continued.

Why was she lying? But most importantly who was she lying to? 

"So I'll see you once I'm back right?"  
Her tone was now different, she sounded victorious, like she got what she wanted. 

" I love you, Kai"

Kai??? As in her EX boyfriend Kai? The one who broke up with her once he had found out about her "friendship" with Taehyung?

Lisa couldn't believe what she just heard. Was her best friend that desperate for attention and so afraid of rejection that she'd lower to this? 

She was so mad but, of course, she couldn't say anything. Jennie would have thought that she was eavesdropping, which she was, but she for sure didn't want her to know about it.   
So she decided to let the skates she had managed to come out of fall to the ground, making a loud noise on the otherwise quiet room.   
Jennie was startled and had a quite panicking look when she noticed that Lisa was there.   
She rushed to say goodbye on the phone and hung up. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you were skating?" Jennie said, with such a composed tone that left Lisa astonished.

" had to take a break. My feet are killing me" Lisa answered.

"Amateur" said Jennie with a chuckle. 

"It's not my fault my parents didn't have me professionally trained since I was like what... five? Miss Kim" Lisa said half laughing, half teasing.

" four" Jennie said. She was no longer smiling. She hated talking about her parents and Lisa knew that. She indeed usually avoided the subject but given the new found information about her best friend playing both sides again, she was done with being nice.   
What bothered her the most weren't exactly her actions but the fact that she never told Lisa, who was supposed to be her best friend, anything. It was like she didn't trust her. 

" well i kinda wish i had too, I really sucked ass out there. Thank god Jungkook was there to help me otherwise i would've..." 

" he likes you" Jennie said, not letting her finish what she was saying. 

" i know" said Lisa, while slowly tying up her shoes. 

" and you didn't tell me" Jennie sounded genuinely surprised. Like she couldn't believe her loyal best friend would ever keep a secret from her. 

" as if you tell me everything that goes on with you" Lisa said, with a subtle accusing tone. 

If there wasn't tension before, there definitely was some now.

" what is that supposed to mean?" Now Jennie was angry. 

Gosh, it was so easy to get on her nerves sometimes. 

" i think you know what this means, Jennie. Who were you on the phone with?" Lisa liked to use Jennie's name during a conversation either to jokingly flirt with her or when she was mad at her. You guess which of the two was now her reason. 

" I don't know what you're talking about. I was talking with my mum. And, for the record, it's not like we need to know everything that happens in each other's lives, its not like we're girlfriends or anything" Jennie spit out.   
At this point Jennie's usually relaxed expression was starting to tense up because of rage. Her face had slightly started to turn red and what Lisa usually referred to as a cute little vein had popped up on her forehead, but that, unfortunately, didn't make her any less scary.

Lisa was beyond hurt by her words but she couldn't let Jennie know the effect she had on her, so she gathered all the confidence she had in her body at that moment and said 

" well and thank god for that! You know what they say, three is a crowd, so... what would four be?" 

Then she stormed out of the room, leaving a more than confused Jennie alone.


	4. III.

Jennie and Lisa had avoided each other for the rest of the day.   
When at dinner Jennie asked Lisa if she could pass her the salt, the former just sat quietly, stared at the girl in front of her and straight up ignored her.   
Nobody had noticed the two girls weird behavior; they were smart enough not to let them know. Nobody wanted that vacation drama.   
And Since the two were usually attached to the bone, they still walked by each other, took the same car to go home ( Taehyung's car, to Lisa's happiness) and sat in front of each other at dinner.   
Lisa had come to learn with time that people were usually too immersed in their lives to notice small changes in the behaviors of others, and even if they did, they would most likely not question it.   
In her opinion, life wasn't a movie, there were no main characters and, most importantly, nobody ever gave a shit about how you truly were. Sometimes not even your best friend.   
Nevertheless, Lisa wasn't a complete pessimist. She still believed in love. She was truly convinced of the idea that there were people who fell in love and met their soulmate. What she wasn't really convinced of was how many of these people actually understood love and were worthy of it.  
Because love shouldn't be possession and it for sure shouldn't be hurting. But, Lisa herself wasn't able to listen to her own advice. 

Her thoughts where suddenly interrupted when she noticed the screen of the phone of the person sitting in front of her light up. It read " Kai" and something that Lisa couldn't quite make out because the owner of the said phone was quick to turn it upside down. But Lisa saw. Lisa always saw everything, even when she didn't intend to and, like in this case, she didn't want to. 

She knew she still had to confront Jennie about whatever she was doing, but she found herself strengthless at the mere thought of doing just that at the moment. It was night, and it had been an exhausting day. So she calmly stood up, took her plate to the sink and turned towards the table of friends before asking with a smile plastered on her face: "who wants to smoke?". 

Part of the whole reason why Loren had been invited, aside from being Rose's boyfriend, was that he always had good stuff with him and, most importantly, he never made anyone pay for it. 

Jungkook and Loren quickly rolled the weed while everybody dressed up to go outside since it was freezing.   
Once they were all out, except for Jisoo and Rosè, who ironically didn't smoke, they formed a circle so that they could pass the joint around. 

Lisa was, once again, next to Jennie but she knew that by the time the weed would have done its job, Jennie would be the farthest thing on her mind. So she didn't really worry much about it. After about three or four hits she had started to feel dizzy and she noticed how a nice warm was making its way through her whole body. She was about to say no to Jennie passing her the blunt again when Loren said " Jennie why don't you pass it to Lisa".   
Jennie kept her cold composure and calmly said " that's what I was doing"   
"No, I meant with your mouth" Loren suggested   
" That'd be hot" Taehyung commented, pupils slightly dilated.  
Jungkook didn't say , although Lisa was sure it was not because he wouldn't approve of it but because he was too shy to admit it.   
Lisa kept silent. She wasn't in the right state of mind to neither agree or disagree. She hoped Jennie would do the talking and handle the situation like she always did.   
" I guess we can do it, why not?" Jennie broke the silence, turning slightly to Lisa while wearing an arrogant grin.   
Again, Lisa's brain wasn't processing the information quickly which led her to not answer the question and glare at the three guys in front of her, whose expressions she couldn't decipher.   
"What, are you scared? You're acting like we've never did it before" Jennie kept up her bitchy façade; a kind of pay back for the scene Lisa had caused in the changing room that day.   
They had indeed kissed at parties, but almost every time for the sake of some guy watching or to prevent one of them to get hit on by some creepy dude.   
Still, she didn't like that she said it in front of three hormonal teenagers and she didn't like the tone she used, like it meant nothing to her, ever.   
Lisa started to feel the familiar awkwardness and self-loath she felt every time Jennie acted that way towards her or in front of her.   
But she was so done being toyed with that before her mind could even double check her thoughts, a single word escaped her lips.  
"Okay" 

Jennie proceeded to light up the blunt which in the meantime had died, and she slowly started to move it closer to her mouth.   
Were her actions that slow or was Lisa's mind so numb that she couldn't register what was happening correctly?   
Because she swore she saw the way Jennie's mouth had wrinkled before having the blunt placed in her mouth. That's when she took a tremendously long hit before slowly moving closer to Lisa.   
Lisa didn't know what to do. She felt like she was living the longest seconds of her life. Her eyes kept going up and down between jennie's plump lips and feline eyes. She didn't know which were scarier.   
All of a sudden she felt a hand make her way to the collar of her shirt and bring her closer. As soon as Jennie's hand was on Lisa, the former was expecting a kind of rough action, or anything that could match the roughness in Jennie's eyes. But there was none of that. Jennie had delicately pulled her in. 

That's it, Lisa thought. 

Jennie had her mouth a few millimeters away from Lisa's. All she had to do was slightly open it and let the smoke go out of her mouth and into Lisa's who would have to inhale it.   
And so she did, Jennie had let the smoke come out for a few moments, before deciding that that was enough for Lisa and slowly closing the gap between their lips.   
She opened her mouth again, this time to kiss Lisa, once she had made sure the former had already inhaled the smoke. Their lips were moving together slowly at first and then a little bit more roughly. 

Jennie's hand stayed on Lisa's collar the whole time, she wasn't applying any strength. To Lisa it felt like it was there to keep her from backing up. Which she would have, had she been sober. 

Would it still feel like this if she was sober? Would it still feel like her every sense would be heightened, her mind so present but so distant at the same time? 

These were senseless thoughts, Jennie would never kiss her while sober, Lisa had to mentally remind herself, before tricking her own already love sick brain into thinking anything more to this kiss that is really was: a show, for not only one, but three teenagers boys who would probably have a wet dream about it later that night. 

This seemed to awake some sense in Lisa, who abruptly interrupted the kiss, taking Jennie's hand away from her in the same motion. 

She knew Jennie was still looking at her. She knew it. But she also knew she couldn't pass another sleepless night trying to decipher the look in her eyes. So she preferred not to look at her altogether.   
She didn't found the set of eyes she was currently looking at as amusing. Jungkook's eyes screamed one thing " I have a hard on".

Lisa felt like she was going to be sick, so she told them she needed to go lay down and made her way inside the house. 

Once Lisa was gone, Taehyung said to Jennie   
" wow... that was better that I imagined... are you sure she's just your best friend and you haven't been cheating on me?" 

This seemed to awaken Jennie from her dream-like state. She was still thinking about what had just happened but Taehyung's words felt like an ice bucket had been thrown at her. 

" shut the fuck up Tae, she's like a sister" "and plus, it wouldn't be cheating since we're not together" answered Jennie with a cold voice.   
Taehyung faked indifference, even though deep down he was hurt by the brunette's words, and answered " I don't think that's how sisters act towards each other".   
To that, jennie stayed silent. 

On the other side of the wall, while the group smoked, laid on a bed Rosè and Jisoo.   
Even though it was kind of annoying when the others ditched them to smoke, they were happy about it at the same time. Ever since Rosè had started dating Loren, it was one of the few moments they had for themselves.   
They used to hang out literally all the time. They even had an extra toothbrush at each other's house given how much time they spent together.   
Then Rosie decided to audition for a band and that's when Loren came in the picture. He was the guitarist but he could basically play any instruments if needed.   
Rosè auditioned for the lead singer and she had been so nervous and self conscious that if it wouldn't have been for Jisoo's comforting words she would have chickened out and stayed at home watching a dumb movie with her best friend.   
Jisoo sometimes wish she would have had. But at the same time she felt guilty even thinking about it. Because she knew how much music meant to the blonde and the band was one way she could express her creativity and her passion.   
But what was making Jisoo regret her decision of encouraging her friend was the jerk who was now her boyfriend.   
Loren just didn't sit right with her. And it wasn't all in her head.   
She felt like he treated Rosè like shit. Rosè, someone who deserved to be treated like a queen, he had the audacity to be a dick to.   
For example, she never let Rosè hang out with her friends anymore. It had been Jennie, Lisa, Rosè and Jisoo ever since kindergarten but now it was always just three of them. And sometimes even Jennie would ditch them to be with one of her boyfriends, leaving Lisa and her to hang out by themselves.   
Plus, every time Jisoo went to pick up Roseanne after band practice, she'd find her along with her band mates tidying up the place cause Loren was " too busy making music".   
But what got the most under jisoo's skin, and she knew it affected Rose to in some way, was Loren's extreme lifestyle.   
Not only did he smoke so much she'd rarely meet him sober, but he'd drink a lot on the weekend and god knows how many " recreational drugs" he had done.   
She hated seeing him so intoxicated he could barely stand while making his way to Rosè and start kissing her as if nobody was there. And as if she was just there for his own pleasure. 

She never picked up the topic around her best friend because she didn't want to upset her in any ways, but tonight just seemed perfect to talk about it. 

" why don't you ever smoke, Rosie?" Jisoo had to use warm up questions before dropping the bomb. 

" I don't know, I just don't like it" said Rose, who had lost her cheerful tone after the question. 

" You tried it tho? Loren must have offered, right? 

" yeah, sometimes before writing music. He says it helps the creating process" Rosè answered, looking quite bored by the conversation.  
Jisoo knew her enough to know she was just being defensive. 

" and why didn't you enjoy it, It felt somehow good the times I've done it with Lisa "   
Jisoo knew she was about to enter unknown land, but she kept pushing for more. 

" jisoo what's with all these questions? I feel like I'm being interrogated!" 

We are near, jisoo thought 

" I just thought that since Loren smokes so much, it would have just brush up on you at one point ... I'm sorry tho, I didn't mean to offend you" 

" no it's okay. I'm sorry if I am so uptight. It's just that it's something I feel kind of pressured on by Loren. He's always pushing for me to try new stuff and sometimes I don't feel like it. That's why I'm so sensitive about it."   
Rose's walls were starting to crumble. Just another push and it would all come crashing down. 

" why you never came to talk to me about it ? You know I would gladly hear you out" and smack that son of a bitch who was trying to pressure you into something you clearly don't want to do, jisoo wanted to add but didn't. Rosè could read between the lines, she thought.

" you know why jisoo, you can be quite protective when you want and I really want to deal with my first serious relationship on my own" 

Jisoo pretended like she wasn't offended and wanted to say something but Rosie beat her to it. 

" you know, Loren sometimes tells me that you and I are too codependent to be best friends and I don't know ... maybe he's right? " 

Okay, now Jisoo was definitely offended.   
Who the fuck did that emo boy think he was to even think he had the right to have a say in a relationship that was stronger than his weak ass could ever be. 

" I never thought too much about our friendship because it's been this way forever" 

" right... but don't you think that's why we may need to change that now? " 

" are you breaking up with me, Chaeyoung?" Jisoo laughed, trying to hide the extreme discomfort she found herself in at the moment. 

What the hell was she saying ? 

" I just feel like maybe our relationship is too childish, like we need to maybe let go of some stuff in order for us to mature" Rose said, stuttering and repeating herself, her eyes straight to the ceiling, unable to avert the brunette's stare. She knew what she was saying held some weight. 

That motherfucker has gotten into her head, Jisoo was thinking.

" are you saying we should see each other less?" Jisoo was incredulous at what Rosie, her childhood best friend Rosie, was telling her and how much this conversation was backfiring at her. 

" amongst other things, yes, that too" Rose shakily said. 

" you gotta be fucking kidding me " and as soon as she pronounced those words, she got up from the bed and went out the room. 

She needed some fresh air.


	5. IV.

As soon as Jisoo stepped outside of the house she found Lisa, sat down in one of the steps that led to the front door. 

She sat down next to her, neither of them muttering a word.

They always had an easy-going yet deep relationship, the two of them. Even though they might not talk too much about their feelings and what bothered them, they always seemed to get each other.   
Right then, for example, words weren't needed.   
They knew they would both have to talk about it sooner or later, but it just wasn't the moment. They weren't ready to admit it themselves, let alone another person. 

So they sat in silence, watching how their breaths would condense in the cold air of that night. 

When both of them had had enough, they decided to say good night and retreat to the corresponding rooms, where the reasons for their sadness would hopefully already be asleep. 

Lisa had tried her best to avoid making any noises that could wake Jennie up. She had changed into her pajamas in the dark and swept under the covers. 

She hoped with all herself that Jennie was sleeping. She wouldn't be able to endure a late night talk, or better fight, after what had happened before. 

Even after assuring herself and her mind that Jennie was indeed asleep, she, of course, wasn't able to go into dream land herself. 

So she laid still and stared at the ceiling until tiredness finally knocked her out. 

She didn't know what time it was when she woke up. She was freezing. Someone had stolen all her blanket and she was left uncovered. And by someone, she meant the petite brunette who was sleeping unbothered, curled up in a blanket. Lisa's blanket. 

Lisa tried to take it back, but her try had revealed unsuccessful. She even thought about waking her up. Then she decided against it.   
She reached such a level of desperation that she even thought about cuddling up to her to have at least a little bit of the warmth she had been so hastily deprived of.   
But once again, she preferred not to.   
What if she woke up the next morning still cuddled up to Jennie? Or worst, what if Jennie woke up with Lisa cuddled up to her?  
She would probably either tease her to death or freak the hell out. 

When they were both younger they used to cuddle every time they'd sleep over at each other's houses. But not anymore. Not very often at least. It had become something so rare of Jennie to do that Lisa felt like it only happened when things between the two of them had been very good. And lately it hadn't been the case. 

Still, she missed cuddling up to Jennie. She missed how Jennie would sneak her hands under Lisa's shirts and gently caress her back. Or how she would lay with her face so close to Lisa's she could feel her every breath on her face. 

But the fact was, Lisa's was very careful about her displays of affection. Especially with people she cared for deeply.   
She was always reluctant to ask Jennie for cuddles and hugs. It wasn't like she was scared she'd say no. It was because she was afraid she would do it only not to make her feel bad. Because she had to, not because she wanted to.   
This is why it had always been Jennie who initiated every single cuddling session, hug, kiss. 

She ended up not getting anymore sleep that night. It had been some of the worst few hours of her life. All she could think about was jennie. And it for sure didn't help the fact that the brunette was sleeping right beside her, letting out cute little snores every time she turned around. 

When she finally heard noises coming from the kitchen, she rapidly got up.

" you look like shit" Rosie said.

She had indeed looked like shit. But she didn't need Rosè, who looked like she could put on a pair of jeans and go on with her day, to tell her that.   
Her hair was disheveled, she was sure her eye bags were more than visible and she probably was wearing her pajamas inside out since she had gotten dressed in the dark. 

" I barely slept last night" she lazily replied.

" did you and Jennie do the nasty?" Rosè joked, her lips into a wide grin. 

" did you and Loren not do the nasty? That would explain your stupid fucking witty comments." Lisa hastily replied. She didn't like being mean, especially to Rosie, who was always so kind to her, but, after the night she just had it felt inevitable.

" Lisa, I don't know which fucking wrong side of the bed did you get up from, but there's no need to be this fucking rude, i was joking" rosè had her eyebrows arched up, surprised and offended by Lisa's new found rudeness. She had never even heard her friend raise her voice at her, let alone cuss her out. 

" i told you i didn't sleep tonight" lisa replied. She was feeling kind of guilty for yelling at her friend, but nonetheless she didn't back up on her bitchy tone.

" it doesn't give you an excuse to treat people like shit and you know it"   
Rosè said before standing up and walking out of the room. 

Was she gonna fight with everybody on this damn vacation? 

Since she was still planning on avoiding Jennie for as long and she could and she had now Rosie avoiding her, she had no choice but to hang out with jisoo, who was avoiding Rosè. 

It worked out perfectly. 

Since it was New Years Eve, the boys would be busy all day getting the booze for the pre game they'd do that night before the club and organizing the transport.   
The girls were supposed to stick together and hang out but, for obvious reasons, that didn't happen. 

Seeing Rosè and Jennie getting on Taehyung's car going god knows where, the other duo decided to head out too. They took Jisoo's car and went to the nearest city center. 

Everything was still adorned for Christmas and it gave the city a quite cozy and happy atmosphere. 

They decided on sitting at a cafè and chat. They both needed someone to talk to.   
And there was no need to beat around the bush about it. That's why Lisa went straight to the point: 

"So... why are you avoiding Rosie?" 

"Why are you avoiding Jennie?" Jisoo shot back. 

"I asked first" Lisa said with a slick smile on her face.

"You know what Jesus said: the last will be the first. You, a good Christian girl, wouldn't want to go against Jesus' words." Jisoo tried to avoid the question with the only coping mechanism she knew: sarcasm.   
"I'm Buddhist". Lisa replied  
"Still, I'm pretty sure Buddha said something quite similar". That's why it was usually hard to have serious conversations with Jisoo. The oldest always tried to get herself out of those with some childish remarks.   
But Lisa wasn't having any of it. So when she shot Jisoo a knowing glance, the latter started talking. 

"She basically told me she doesn't want us to be friends anymore." Jisoo said, every bit of sarcasm leaving her voice, leaving behind only a sad truthfulness. 

" and why would she say that? You guys adore each other!"   
Lisa was genuinely surprised at Jisoo's words. And Rosè had the audacity to call her rude that morning?. After she told her childhood best friend she did no longer want to be friends with her. Lisa's felt a sting in her heart. The four of them had been friends forever so, by telling that to Jisoo, was she trying to move on from the others too?

" I don't know. Fucking Loren must have gotten into her head by saying I'm basically holding her back from " maturing and shit"...as if rosè wants to mature! She's an eighteen year old who watches Disney movies and sleeps with a giant stuffed panda!"   
Jisoo started raising her voice. She was angry. And hurt. But most of all, she was confused.  
" you know she had the courage to call our relationship "too childish"? When she's the only childish thing in our friendship! and do you know that when we.." 

Lisa knew Jisoo could go on with her rant about Rosè forever, but she deciding to interrupt her, preventing her from saying stuff she didn't really mean about her best friend. 

"But you see, from what you're telling me, maybe, and don't get my words twisted, she has a point." 

Before Jisoo's head could explode from the rage she knew she was feeling in that moment, after hearing Lisa backing up Rosè's absurd ideas, Lisa went on by saying:  
" Wait, don't freak out, let me finish. What I'm trying to say is that maybe Rosè is starting to notice, how you said, her "childishness"; and it might be exactly why she feels like she needs to distance herself from you, the one she basically always did these "childish" things with. Of course Loren might have something to do with it. He's a twenty something guitarist with a drug problem; textbook definition of a bad boy. It's natural that Rosie feels like she needs to prove something to him. Especially if he's teasing her about it, like I've heard him do hundreds of times" 

" so my advice would be to give her space and time to figure out who she really is. If she realizes she's doing the wrong thing by changing herself for someone whose breath smells like cigarettes, treats her like shit and obviously doesn't love her for who she is, then she'll come back to us and to you" 

" but what if she doesn't?" Jisoo's eyes ad tone of voice were sad. 

" she will, trust me. The girl's confused, not dumb. And most especially, not heartless. She loves you very much Jichu, almost as much as I do" Lisa said, heartedly smiling at her distressed friend. 

" thank you Lisa, I really needed this." jisoo said while placing her hand on top of Lisa's, silently letting her know how much she appreciated her. 

" so what about you? What has jennie done to you this time?" 

Lisa and Jennie had always fought a lot. But those so called fights never lasted more than a couple of days, always having Jennie apologize to Lisa. And Lisa couldn't say no to Jennie, so she always forgave her. Plus, she kinda enjoyed seeing jennie going back to her and apologize for her behavior. It made Lisa feel important, it made her feel like she needed her.   
And everytime the two of them would get into a fight, Jisoo would always listen to Lisa's rants which often included the words "Jennie's such a bitch" and "I'm so done with her, I swear to God".   
But this time though, things were different. Instead of cussing her out and professing quite creative insults towards the brunette, Lisa simply said "I'm so tired of letting her do this to me, Jisoo"

And it took those few words for Jisoo to understand that this time she wouldn't be hearing about a stupid argument over which of the two was supposed to be the DD for the night, or how Jennie had disappeared into thin air at a party.   
This time, Lisa genuinely seemed tired. And done with Jennie's bullshit, she thought.  
It might have been the dark circles under her eyes, or how Lisa always seemed to get skinnier everyday, but she actually felt pity for the girl.   
She knew that even if Lisa and her might have been in a similar situation at the time being, she couldn't even compare Jennie and Lisa's relationship with her own and Rosè's.   
Even though Jennie was one of her best friend she knew about her feisty character and about her manipulative and possessive side that had put Lisa through hell over the years. 

" what happened?" 

"Its not about what happened this time, it's about what happens every time." Lisa sighed, before continuing.   
" i heard her talk on the phone yesterday and guess who she was talking to? Kai."   
" her ex?" Jisoo said, disappointed but not surprised by Lisa's revelation.   
" yep" lisa looked defeated. "But what I can't seem to digest anymore is not only how she doesn't tell me literally anything about her life, but also how she plays with people's feelings like it's nothing" 

" you know Lisa, i think its about time you confront her about it. I know you've always kind of idolized her, but if what she's doing is hurting you then you need to tell her about it" 

" jennie hates confrontation" Jennie liked to act on things, not talk about them. Every time Lisa had even the slightest accusing tone on something she did, jennie bolted or twisted Lisa's words so that the conversation would then be revolving around her. 

" and you hate liars, but i see both of you haven't been respecting each other's pet peeves that much, have you?"   
Sometimes Jisoo was harsh with Lisa, but only because she knew it was the only way for her to actually do something about the struggles in her life; soft talks never worked with her. She was quite the stubborn one, especially when it came to jennie. 

" you're not wrong. I'll try and talk to her tonight"


	6. V.

New Years had been rapidly approaching. Only a few hours away from midnight, the girls decided to start getting ready to go out, so that they'd avoid the boys telling them they'd be late if they didn't hurry up.

Jennie and Rosè, it turned out, had gone out shopping and had come home with new dresses for the both of them. 

While Lisa was preparing with Jisoo in the former's room, the other duo had taken over the bathroom and were busy doing their hair and make up.   
Lisa and Jisoo's style had always been more tomboyish than their friends, who would always tease them about their oversize clothes and lack of make up.   
But whenever the four of them went out, even Lisa and Jisoo went all in, especially on nights like these, when they felt like they needed to prove something. 

When Lisa, followed by Jisoo, was stepping outside of the room, she came face to face with jennie and Rosè, who were just exiting the bathroom.   
Everybody was awkwardly staring at each other, except for Jennie who had never even seemed to know the meaning of the word. She boldly checked Lisa out from head to toes before stating " nice dress, Lisa".   
Lisa was wearing a silver dress, short enough to accentuate her long legs and her elegant collarbones. Jennie, on the other hand, was wearing an even shorter black dress that hugged her tiny curves perfectly. The fabric seemed so soft on Jennie's skin that it almost made Lisa want to reach over and gently...   
Lisa quickly freed her mind from inappropriate thoughts she was having about her best friend and said:  
" thanks, you too." She replied with an awkward smile before adding " By the way, why didn't you wear the one you brought from home?" 

"I wanted something different for tonight. Shorter" Jennie said with a mischievous grin, making sure to stress the last word, as if to invite the tallest girl in front of her to take a look, a long one, at her mini dress. 

" I see" was all she could mutter out, her breath caught up in her throat because of Jennie's innuendo. 

While Jennie and Lisa were talking, Rosè and Jisoo were busy stealing glances at each other. Rosè was wearing a black latex dress that tightly hugged her petite figure. Jisoo presumed she had bought it with Jennie that afternoon too, while Lisa and her were discussing about the mess that their corresponding friendships were.   
It was the sexiest thing Jisoo had ever seen in her life. And she watched a lot of porn. 

If things between them had been normal, Jisoo would have told Rosè that there was no way she'd go out of the house looking like that to go into a club, a place that was filled with creepy and perverted dudes.   
But Jisoo had never really had to say anything like that because Rosè's style was usually more... conservative.   
Was this part of her process of "growing up and finding herself" that Lisa had told her about earlier? Or worse, was Rosè starting to get into her bad girl phase? Jisoo horridly thought.   
Okay, maybe jisoo was protective of Rosè, the blonde had been right. But it just came natural to her, like it was with Lisa. They were both younger than her and a lot more naïve. That's why jisoo and jennie, even if the latest would always deny when put on the spot, were always checking on them wether from afar or not. 

Loren had gotten them fake IDs for everybody to get in.

She did not look 22, Lisa thought, chucking while checking the ID Loren had just handed to her. Jennie and Rosè, on the other hand, would probably encounter no problems since the bodyguard would be too occupied to check them out, not their documents. 

Flirting with guys had always been something that came easy to the two of them and surprisingly, with time, it had revealed a very useful skill the duo would use in a lot of situations; wether it had been for free drinks, club and parties entrance or getting out of troubles no man could resist their eyelash batting and sultry voices.   
So it came to no surprise when Jennie and rosè had actually went in first. For Jisoo and Lisa, it hadn't been that simple.   
They had tried the " too cool to be here" face but they probably ended up looking like two spoiled brats since the bodyguard was refusing to let them in, saying their IDs were fake. 

Before Jisoo could start cussing the man out, Rosie had appeared out of nowhere, delicately put an arm around the guy's bicep and half whispered " actually they're with us we had lost each other in the crowd".   
The guy seemed to think about it for a few seconds before stepping aside and letting the two girls pass, who were quick to reach the other side, before he could change his mind.

" how the hell does it always work?" An incredulous Lisa asked. 

"I guess my accent got his charm" replied Rosie while throwing a wink at Lisa, who had a not so subtle admiring gaze. It seemed like all the tension from that morning had disappeared. 

"Let's get some drinks, shall we?" Jennie, who had witnessed the flirty exchange between the two girls, had said while sneaking a hand around Lisa's waist protectively.

While Jennie had always been very pushy with the boys in Lisa's life, always inciting her to get into a relationship, she wasn't quite as supportive with any friendship that Lisa had ever had with a girl. Friendship, cause that's all there ever was.   
Lisa had actually never really thought about her sexuality. It had always been Jennie, that's all she was sure of. But as long as other girls were concerned, she had never really felt that pull she seemed to have with the oldest brunette.   
Yes, she had had boyfriends, but except for Bambam she had never really been in love with them. There was a time when she thought she was truly in love with Bambam, if only it weren't for jennie... she had thought. 

They all agreed and made their way to the bar.

Even though Lisa wasn't much of a drinker she decided to order quite a strong liquor. That made the others look at each other with an astonishing look on their face. Lisa always settled for a gin tonic, that was almost every time made with ninety percent soda and a spray of gin, and then called it a night. 

"Yo Lisa, I never figured you were a whiskey kind of girl, you sure you can handle that?" Her action didn't miss to get the attention of Taehyung too, who had just made his way with the others from the dj console. 

" i can handle my booze just fine, Taehyung. I can handle it so good that you know what we're gonna do right now? Shots." Lisa said, before handing the barman a fifty and ordering shots for all the seven of them. 

"You sure you wanna go down this road Lisa? Do you remember what happened last time?" Jisoo asked, worry in her voice. 

She did remember. They had rented a house in front of the beach to celebrate the end of Junior's year. She guessed she had taken it a little too far and had ended with her throwing up all night while Jungkook had so gently kept her hair for her all time. When she thought back at moments like that, she now felt stupid at how oblivious she had been about Jungkook's crush on her.  
She had had her fair reasons to act that recklessly, or at least it had made sense to her back then. It had been when she had found out about Jennie's "relationship" with Taehyung. 

But tonight's wasn't gonna be like that, she said to Jisoo, not sure Wether she was reassuring her friend or herself. 

The first shot was always the hardest. But nevertheless, she licked the little line of salt on her hand and she downed it. The lime wasn't helping the horrible after taste that tequila left burning in her mouth. 

While Rosè, Jennie and Jisoo had stopped after their third one, Lisa had found herself in an unsaid competition with the boys. At first she was worried. But then the liquid courage she kept on ingesting was making her feel invincible.   
Plus, she thought, Mama hadn't raise no quitter.

They had stopped at twelve tequila shots each. Not because they wanted to, but because the barman had refused to serve them others.   
Lisa had felt kind of relieved when she had heard that, she wasn't sure she could have taken others anyways.

She decided to join the girls on the dance floor. But since Lisa's whole world was spinning and she couldn't really make out the three of them among the enormous crowd, she decided to start dancing exactly where she was, alone. They would eventually find her, she thought. 

She was having the time of her life. She was dancing, eyes closed, body following the rhythms of techno music, so loud she could feel it in her soul. She felt so at peace with herself that when she noticed a pair of arms sneak their way to her waist from behind, she couldn't help but sigh at the sensation. It had been a long time since someone had held her like that. But mostly, it had been a long time since it had felt this good to be held. 

Her brain might have been foggy because of the alcohol that was running in her system but when she had finally turned around and had come face to face with Jungkook, she had felt excited about it. It's not like she hadn't wished for a certain someone else to be at his place but she also knew that he wanted and desired her and wouldn't pretend nothing had happened after only twenty minutes.   
It felt good to be looked at the way he was doing at that moment.

So, when he had started to lean in, Lisa found herself unable to move. She wasn't leaning in but she wasn't backing up either. He had one hand cupping her face and the other around her waist. He was so close, his breath hitting Lisa's face. Another inch and their lips would... 

" where the hell were you? We've been looking for you for the last hour, its almost midnight!" Jisoo had said after having jerked her away from Jungkook. 

" I was here. With Kookie" she said, drunkenly smiling at him, whose face didn't seem very happy about the unwanted interruption.  
Lisa had been both relieved and disappointed at Jisoo's action. She didn't know which one of the two feelings prevailed. She was feeling a lot at the moment. 

Gosh, she was so drunk. 

"Why are you mad, Jichu. I see you were in company. Tell me, is Rosie treating you bad again? Or did you two make out?" Lisa giggled after adding "make up, sorry"   
" both of the two would be fine though, right Jisoo?". The more Lisa talked, the more embarrassed and angry Jisoo seemed to get.   
Rosè had just been quietly watching the scene unraveling right in front of her eyes; her mind unconsciously going a hundred miles per hour. What was Lisa talking about? Make out? Her and Jisoo? 

Lisa guessed the furious side had won over the other since Jisoo had started dragging her to the other side of the club. 

Where was she taking her? Had she said such dumb things? She just talked about Rosie... oh my god, that's why jisoo was taking her away, she was going to murder her! 

Before Lisa could say anything, they had abruptly stopped, making Lisa fall into the person that was standing right in front of Jisoo. 

"you deal with her, I can't do it tonight, she's dumber than usual" jisoo stated before turning her heels and sprinting away. 

"But it's almost midnight!" She heard the other person reply. 

Who had she left her too? Was this person the one who'd murder her for Jisoo?   
She was too young and sexy to die, she didn't even have her car licen-...

Wait, she thought, she recognized this smell. 

Jisoo didn't take her to a hit man, she had taken her to someone worst: Jennie.


	7. VI.

Jennie was now staring at her, a blank expression on her face. Lisa couldn't really tell,though. She didn't dare looking at her. She knew seeing an angry Jennie would have broken her heart right then. 

"Are you really that drunk?" Jennie asked annoyed while trying to keep Lisa on a standing position, her hands still wrapped around the younger's waist. Had she let her go, she would have fallen to the floor. 

"It's Taehyung's fault" Lisa managed to say. 

Jennie's hold on her waist seemed to tighten. Was she mad at her? Or at Taehyung? That couldn't be, she always gets mad at her, Lisa sighed. Not even her extremely drunken state helped her get Jennie out of her mind. 

What wasn't helping Lisa's situation was the fact that her head was buried in Jennie's hair. A sudden dizziness had made her way to her already intoxicated brain, even though she wasn't sure wether it had been because of the alcohol she had consumed or the fact she had Jennie's perfume so deep in her nostrils she was pretty sure her brain had made sure she'd never forget it. 

Joke's on me, Lisa couldn't help but think. She already had Jennie's smell registered. A smell so unmistakable yet so miserable to her that a pain shot through her chest every time she'd smell it. 

Lisa couldn't see that Taehyung had spotted the two of them among the crowd and was now making his way towards them. But Jennie did.   
So she grabbed Lisa's wrist and started moving, pushing people away as she made space for her and her best friend. 

"Let's get you some fresh air" Jennie's tone was still cold. She was acting as if Lisa had been an obstacle during her night, something she had to take care of, rather than care for.

But Lisa didn't notice. She was just content with Jennie's strong hold around her wrist. Physical touch wasn't something she took for granted when it came to the brunette. 

Suddenly, they were both out of the building. They had used the back exit and found themselves on a sad metallic set of stairs. 

None of them talking, they were both leaning into the brick wall that belonged to the club, watching their breath condense. 

"Try to stay on your feet" Jennie had ordered Lisa with a not so gentle tone. What she didn't know was that the taller one actually liked being given orders by the brunette. She had always thought authority looked good on her. 

Jennie took out a pack of cigarettes and lazily placed one between her lips. Without offering one to Lisa, knowing she usually didn't smoke and certainly wasn't in the condition to do so at the moment, she light the cigarette up and took a long puff. 

She was smoking with such calm that Lisa couldn't help staring at her and the way the smoke would go out of her lips and up into the sky. 

"I thought you quit" Lisa said. 

"There are a lot of things I should quit" jennie responded, her words came out playful yet serious. 

" like what?" Lisa wasn't really in control of the words that came out of her mouth. Her subconscious was just hoping she wouldn't say things to Jennie she'd regret the next day. 

Jennie didn't answer. She turned to her right and made eye contact with Lisa. Her eyes had softened a bit, she didn't look as angry as she was inside the club. The cigarette must have calmed her down, Lisa thought. 

Jennie kept staring at her, her glare unreadable. 

They stayed like this for what felt like hours. A comfortable silence settling into the two of them. 

If it wasn't for the alcohol, Lisa knew she wouldn't be able to keep eye contact for so long with Jennie. For the first time in her life, she didn't feel like backing up or looking down at her feet. It was like, for the first time, they were being honest with each other.   
Even though not a single word had been muttered, their eyes were having a conversation their mouth had never been able to have. 

Suddenly, loud cheers came from inside. People had started chanting. 

"Ten! Nine! Eight! ..."

The countdown. 

Lisa looked panicked. That's what Jennie had meant when she had shouted that it was almost midnight. This, was what she wanted to avoid. 

On the other hand, jennie didn't look stressed at all. She looked composed as always. 

" Seven! Six! Five!" 

They still hadn't broken eye-contact and seemed like they had no intention in doing so. 

Lisa's mind was racing again. What was she gonna do? Awkwardly give Jennie a peck on the cheek and wish her a happy new year? Was she gonna run back inside before the midnight struck? 

Seriously, Lisa? Like fucking Cinderella?. She thought, feeling defeated by her own mind.

Lisa was taken back to reality when Jennie took a step forward. 

"Four! Three! Two!" The chants were getting louder, and so were Lisa's heart who was beating inside her chest with such strength she thought Jennie could hear it too. 

Jennie took another step. Her arms still. 

" One" she had whispered before taking a last step, closing the final gap between her body and Lisa's. 

She hadn't crashed her lips into her. Cupping her face, she had given Lisa a gentle kiss, lingering there for not more than a few seconds. 

Lisa stared at her, a ghost of a smile on Jennie's face, before crashing their lips together again. 

Lisa had never initiated a kiss. They always played by Jennie's rules. Every time. 

But the only time Lisa expected to be kissed senselessly, Jennie had given her just a peck.  
Was this really the time to start being romantic? 

Lisa, with the help of alcohol, had dared to do something she thought she could never do:  
She took control. 

Pinning Jennie against the wall, she kept kissing her breathlessly.   
Even though she had always been taller than Jennie, it had always been her who'd take control during their kisses, deciding a pace and when they would deepen, sometimes entering Lisa's mouth forcefully. Jennie set the pace and Lisa was happy to follow it.   
But she had had enough. 

Towering over Jennie, she had a hand around her neck and another on her waist. The brunette's hands were on Lisa's back, almost holding onto her. 

Lisa had deepened the kiss almost immediately, their tongues battling with each other in a fight that Lisa knew she'd win that night. Her kisses were too filled with exasperation to even let Jennie take the slightest bit of control. But strangely, Jennie didn't seem to want it. It felt like she was gladly following Lisa's instructions. Like she was enjoying the reversed role.   
She was finally letting go. 

Lisa had pushed Jennie's legs apart and placed one of her thighs in between.   
Their breaths had become so short, they had to separate from the kiss. But Lisa was quick to attack Jennie's neck with her mouth. She was almost tempted to leave a hickey, knowing how Jennie didn't stand to be marked.   
But she also didn't want to put her in troubles the next day when people would ask her about a hickey that Taehyung hadn't made. Because even after everything Jennie put her through, Lisa was still reluctant to do anything that could potentially hurt the older. That's how much she stupidly loved her. 

When Lisa moved her mouth up again to Jennie's face she started peppering kisses from Jennie's mouth to the back of her ear, before taking it into her mouth and gently biting it.   
And with the increasing pressure that Lisa was applying through her thigh right into Jennie's center, she wasn't surprised when she heard her moan. 

It was loud just enough for Lisa to detect, who mentally high-fived herself. She had made Jennie Kim moan. 

Hands on Jennie's hips, Lisa was about to bring her lips back to Jennie's mouth when suddenly the door opened, startling the both of them.   
None of them had been quick or interested enough to step away from each other.   
Jennie was breathing hard, still leaned into the wall. She didn't know wether her knees would keep her from falling, had she stood up and away from the wall.   
Lisa, in a failed attempt to sustain both her and Jennie, had put one arm up to the wall, to the side of Jennie's face, while the other stayed at her hips. 

It couldn't look more incriminating than that, Lisa thought. 

Thankfully for them, it had been none of their friends. It was a guy who was about to throw up and proceeded to do so once he descended the stairs. 

Lisa and Jennie had both looked relieved. Still breathing hard, Jennie was the first to break the silence. 

" i think we should head back inside" she said.

" yeah" was all Lisa could mutter out, before helping her and Jennie into a standing position. 

Once they were inside, they lost each other. Wether it was involuntarily or not, Lisa couldn't say. The heavy make out session had put her already intoxicated brain into a new kind of chaos. 

She had spent the rest of the night dancing with strangers, not wanting to find her friends or be found, afraid that Jennie'd be with them.   
Truth was, she didn't think Jennie wanted to find her too, so she just kept by herself, letting drunk people press and grind into her, not caring enough to move. 

When it had been the time to go home, Rosè found her and grabbed her outside. She seemed angry. 

They didn't talk, she just proceeded to get her into a taxi before getting herself and Loren in as well and loudly closing the door. 

Lisa heard her give instructions to the driver. 

After briefly talking to Loren, probably making sure he wasn't going to throw up in the taxi, she said to Lisa:   
" wasn't Jennie supposed to look after you? I don't know if you've noticed but i already have enough to handle" she nudged at Loren, who was passed out against the window. 

Rosè seemed more sad then angry now. 

" I got distracted in the crowd and we lost each other, It's my fault" she lied.   
Lisa herself wasn't able to register what had happened that night, let alone Rosè, who seemed to already have enough on her plate. 

"Where's Jisoo anyway? Weren't you guys together?" Lisa asked, hoping the change of argument would brighten Chaeyoung's mood.

But as soon as Jisoo's name left Lisa's mouth, Rosè's expression seemed to darken. 

"I don't know, she texted the group chat that she was leaving with some girl" Rosè's tone was, you guess it, annoyed.

" oh my god, go Jichu! Who was she? Did you see her?" Lisa's tone, on the other hand, was excited. She sounded like a child.

It might have been because it was four in the morning, or because she had to babysit her boyfriend, who was supposed to hold her hand and whisper sweet nothings into her ear but was instead passed out in the passenger seat of a taxi, or because her best friend just left with some fucking girl she had just met and didn't even bother to tell her, but Rosie was feeling too damn tired to play twenty questions with Lisa. 

So she answered, irritated " do i look like i know every name of the sluts that Jisoo goes home with?". 

Lisa was surprised yet again that day by Rosè's new found rudeness.   
She didn't push forward, though, she didn't want to fight with her again. Instead, she offered her hand, which Chaeyoung, after staring at it for a few seconds, reluctantly took.

When they had finally arrived, it took both Lisa, Rosè and the taxi driver to get Loren off of the car. They then managed to make him stumble all the way to his room, where he passed out on the bed. 

Lisa gave Rosie a pitying look which she responded with a hug. They stayed like that for a while, Lisa soothingly rubbing circles in Chaeyoung's back. Afraid she could fall asleep, she whispered good night to her friend before each of them made their way to their corresponding rooms. 

Once Lisa opened the door, she noticed her bed was indeed empty.   
Deciding not to think too much into it, she got herself out of her tiny dress and prepared herself to bed. Before turning the lights off, she checked her phone. 

Among others, one text stood out. It was from Jennie and it said:

"I'm sleeping in Tae's room".


	8. VII.

Jisoo came home at around ten a.m. 

She hadn't wanted to spend another second at the girl's apartment. It's not that she didn't have her fun. But she woke up feeling dirty, and not only because of the clubbing they had done that night.   
So she thanked her and accepted the ride the girl had kindly offered. 

She hoped nobody would be awake when she came back. That would have been the most awkward walk of shame in the history of Jisoo's random hookups, which she has had her fair share of. 

But since luck never seemed to be on her side, as soon as she turned the keys in the lock and opened the door, careful not to make any noises, she found Rosè sitting on the sofa. A not so pleased look on her face. 

Jisoo froze in her place, the blonde glaring at her intensely.

When she realized she had nothing to feel guilty for, she got back to what she had come there to do: take a shower, an aspirin and go straight back to bed. 

But as soon as she took a step forward, Rosè was in front her, blocking her. She had tried to get at least a couple hour of sleep. But between Loren snoring and her relentlessly worrying about where Jisoo could possibly be, she hadn't been able to. 

"where have you been? You could have at least let me know that you were leaving". The blonde asked. Even though she hadn't intended to come off as angry, she was sure the harshness and tiredness of her voice had sold her off. 

"I met a girl, name's Nayeon. She was pretty cool so I stayed at her place" 

Rosè's eyes widened when she noticed the hickeys on her best friend's neck.

"Did you two.. you know... was she?" She didn't even know what she was asking.   
Of course they fucked, Rosè, you are so dumb, the blonde scolded herself mentally for the dumb question.

"No Chaeng, we played chess at four in the morning! What are you, five?" She then added, " Plus, I don't get where all these questions about my personal life are coming from, you were the one who said we should distance ourselves from each other. That should imply no nosy questions too, or does that concern only me?" 

Jisoo knew she wasnt playing fair by using the younger's insecurity but at the moment she didn't care, she just wanted to go to bed and forget about the head ache that she currently had.

" That's not what I meant!" Rosè sounded desperate.

" Whatever, I'm going to sleep" jisoo said, before pushing past the blonde and retreating to her room. 

Lisa had woken up with a terrible headache too. She had forgotten to close the curtains when she had come home that night, so she now had to endure the light that was painfully in her eyes.   
She was too busy noticing how hungover she was that she didn't feel the body snuggling closer to her from behind until she heard a loud sigh. A warm breath hitting the back of her head.   
She stood still. She came to the realization that she might have still been drunk from last night because there was no way Jennie, who had gone to sleep in Taehyung's room, was now cuddling with her like nothing had happened.

" Good morning" the brunette said, voice hoarse, while circling the younger's waist with an arm and nuzzling her face into Lisa's neck. 

When Lisa didn't answer back, Jennie said " Are you mad at me, Lili?"   
Jennie didn't say why Lisa should've been mad at her. After all, she couldn't say " are you mad at me because I slept in my fuck buddy's bed tonight", because that would imply that there were feelings involved or any kind of a different relationship that wasn't friendship. And they both weren't ready for that. 

But that moment would come, only months and months later from that day.

Lisa kept not giving any sign of life, knowing that even if she had wanted to answer, no sound would leave her throat, giving last night's celebrations.   
Plus, there was the fact she actually didn't want to answer. She knew she should push Jennie away but she found herself incapable of doing so. The feeling of Jennie's arms and perfume engulfing her was too good to be true, especially after last night's events when Lisa had thought the brunette would avoid her for at least a week after. 

Jennie was rubbing Lisa's arm soothingly, leaving invisibles lines behind, while peppering her shoulder and neck with kisses.   
That awakened in Lisa last night's feelings, her senses suddenly heightened.   
She wanted to turn around and pin Jennie to the bed, the same way she had pinned her to the wall. 

But, as usual, they were interrupted. 

Taehyung had knocked on the door twice before carelessly opening the door.   
He had sensed that there was something about the two girls relationship that wasn't "normal", but being completely oblivious about the dynamics of female friendships he had shrugged it off, just like he did every time Jungkook and him had sensed something strange about the two girls. 

"Breakfast's ready" He said while staring at them and waiting at the door. It was clear he was expecting Jennie to follow him. 

And jennie did, not before whispering to Lisa's ear, low enough so that only the two of them could hear "you've been barely eating these days, come eat breakfast with me"

To that, Lisa just grunted. She felt humiliated. She knew that it was Taehyung who got to spend the night with Jennie and the stunt she pulled this morning only gave her the illusion that it had been her.   
Reality was, Jennie probably felt guilty and had tried to make things good with her before breakfast. Jennie didn't need her. She never did. 

Once the brunette was outside of the door, Lisa heard Jennie tell something to Taehyung, probably after he had shot a questioning look about Lisa: 

" she just needs a few minutes, she drank too much last night"  
To which Taehyung answered "Oh trust me, i know. Jungkook told me they almost made out" Lisa could picture the smirk Taehyung probably had on his stupid face while saying that. 

"Oh, really?" Jennie had said, her tone normal, like always. 

Lisa didn't come out for breakfast. Actually, she didn't come out of her room at all that day. 

Head still throbbing and chest heavy with the realization that the thing, whatever that meant, she had going on with Jennie, was just a game to her. 

They decided to head back home that night. 

The whole intent of the trip had been to celebrate New Year and once that was done and everybody was more than exhausted, they had nothing left to do at Jungkook parents' house. 

Lisa, Jennie, Jungkook and Taehyung had gone into the former's car, while Jisoo, Loren and rosè in the latter's. 

The drive home had been sort of awkward for both cars.   
Jisoo hadn't muttered a word and let Rosè's, in her opinion, hideous boyfriend put his music on the aux. That made Jisoo have to listen to Rosè's, the girl she was currently mad at, gracious voice for three hours on end. 

Before entering the car, Jennie had said she wanted to sit behind with Lisa and leave the two guys at the front so that "they wouldn't be bothered with their girls talk".   
Taehyung's car wasn't that big, so the two girls had to basically be glued together. Something that Lisa wouldn't have mind any other day. But not that one. The thought of having Jennie so close for the duration of the whole drive was making her anxious. And nauseous. But that might have been also because of Taehyung's cheap car deodorant. And the inhuman amount of alcohol she had ingested the prior night. 

Alright, maybe she couldn't blame just everything on Jennie.

Still, there hadn't been a lot of girls talk going on, since Lisa had avoided every attempt at conversation that Jennie had made.   
After about an hour and a half, Jennie was probably tired of speaking alone and decided to join the front of the car conversation.   
Lisa had sighed with relief, she could now peacefully rest her head against the car window without any annoying brunette disturbing her. 

They were talking about girls. And Jennie seemed particularly interested in the topic.   
When the conversation had moved over to "girl on girl" Lisa felt grateful she already had her eyes closed and kept on pretending to be asleep. 

"So tell me,Jennie. Do you enjoying kissing girls?" Taehyung had said, recalling the events of two nights prior when Lisa and her kissed. 

"It depends. Their lips are for sure softer, though" Jennie had answered. Even though Lisa had her eyes closed she could picture Jennie's slick smile while answering the question.   
It had been a conversation the four of them had quite a lot of times. Guys were usually confused as to how girls seemed to kiss each other and, they found out, actually enjoy it.   
What they had failed to notice was that other girls didn't kiss the way Jennie and Lisa did. The other girls' kisses were usually a lot more awkward and sexual, obviously intended for boys to watch. 

" are you saying my lips aren't soft?" Taehyung asked playfully, even though deep down it hurt him to know that Jennie had probably preferred some girls kiss to his. 

" They are. Just not as much as girl's lips" Jennie always had a comeback for everything, making it rather difficult to catch her speechless. 

" Well... are Lisa's lips soft?" Taehyung was now annoyed. His ego was hurt and had been for a while now. He literally could have any girl in school he wanted but he was stuck with the only one who didn't want to be his girlfriend, no matter how many times he asked or how good he behaved with her. 

To this question, Lisa's breath caught in her throat. She didn't dare breathe because she knew Jennie would notice she wasn't actually sleeping. 

She wished she could just open her eyes and look at Jennie while she answered the question. If she answered. 

" They are" was all Jennie said, before turning to what she thought was a sleeping Lisa and taking her hand, before intertwining it with hers.   
Lisa couldn't see it, but Jennie was looking at her sweetly, her lips turning into a soft smile. 

Taehyung was now gripping the wheel, Jennie's words affecting him more than he wanted. But he wasn't the only one who had been impacted by her words.   
Jungkook, who was usually very quiet and never really said much about anything given his shy nature, had an unreadable expression. Staring out of the window, he looked hurt, betrayed perhaps?   
He decided he wanted to confront Lisa about it, privately. She still owned him a kiss after all, he thought. 

Lisa had actually fallen asleep after a while of faking it. She woke up a little before arriving at her house. The car stopped and the boys helped her with her luggage.   
She thanked and said bye to the two of them but before she could make her way to her gate, Jennie had gone out of the car, and reached her. 

" are you really not gonna say bye to me?" Jennie didn't look hurt, just surprised. 

" bye, Jennie" lisa complied, not wanting to make a scene in front of the two other guys. Still, she made no move to get closer to the brunette. 

Jennie engulfed her in a hug and whispered to her "rest Lili, and call me when you feel better"

" sure" she had replied, before breaking the hug and making her way to her house. She was exhausted. She couldn't wait to sleep in her own bed. That weekend had tired not only her body but her mind too. 

She had no intention of calling Jennie.


	9. VIII.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since Lisa had been MIA for a few days, Jisoo decided to pay a visit to her house. When the two finally seems to relax, Jisoo receives a call from Chaeyoung. She’s at a party and she needs her help.

Lisa didn't call Jennie.   
Even after Jennie's dozens of texts asking her how she was and her sending silly videos that she knew would made Lisa laugh. 

But Lisa didn't break, even if Jennie's texts were so cute it made Lisa's heart flutter every time the notification from her phone went off.   
But no matter how much Lisa wanted to, she never replied to them, not even once.   
Not answering probably hurt her as much as it did to Jennie. 

She wasn't avoiding Jennie only, she hadn't gotten back to neither Jungkook, Rosè or Jisoo's texts.   
So she wasn't really surprised when one day, the doorbell rang and, as soon as she opened the door, Jisoo was already coming in and making her way to the couch in the living room. 

"Please, make yourself at home, Jisoo" she joked, rolling her eyes. 

"I've been coming here since I was three, this is my home as much as it is yours." She said while taking her feet up to the footrest. " Plus" she added " your mum loves me"  
" Mum! Your favorite child's home!" She shouted, hoping to make Lisa smile.

" she's out working" Lisa was in no mood to joke. 

" well i guess I'm staying for dinner, then" Jisoo insisted. 

" she'll still be out" lisa responded, disinterested. 

" then I'm eating with you, Lisa" jisoo brought her arm to her chest and said " what's your problem? Don't you want me here? Is that why you haven't been answering my texts?"

" I sent you a penguin video that was hilarious, Lisa. Hilarious" 

Jisoo kept talking while Lisa made her way to the kitchen where she was pouring her a cup of coffee. She would need that if Jisoo had no intention on leaving anytime soon. 

" what brings you here, Jisoo?" " I know you didn't come all the way over here to show me a penguin video" 

" except for you not answering your text for a week?"   
" i gave you your usual three days, but then i got worried" 

" I'm fine, nothing to be worried about" Lisa said while avoiding eye contact with her friend.

" You're skinnier than the time you had your appendix taken out" 

Lisa didn't answer to that. Weight had always been something she had struggled all her life with. There were times when her stomach seemed to close and there was no way she could make it ingest even a cookie.   
But she wouldn't say she hadn't the situation under controlled. Given her past, her mum always weighted her and forced her to eat at least a meal a day.   
The fact that her mum had been gone on a business trip, that she didn't mention to Jisoo. 

Lisa had been so exhausted that food had been the last thing on her mind.   
She had spent her days studying for the finals that were waiting for her once Christmas break would be over. And when she wasn't studying, she put her headphones on and blast whatever sad songs she could find on her playlist.   
She didn't think about Jennie during the day, that's something she kept for her sleepless nights. When she would pay anything to have the brunette in her arms and at the same time She hated herself for it. 

"Does Jennie have anything to do with any of this?" Jisoo asked.

"Why are you bringing her up?" Lisa suddenly tensed up at the mention of her best friend's name.

"well, she told me you haven't been answering her texts either"

"I haven't been answering anyone's texts, why would I answer hers? She's not special. Plus, I have been studying for finals so I have been busy." 

"Okay okay, no need to get all defensive. I'm here to spend some time with you, not to talk about stuff you don't wanna talk about".   
" So what so you say we watch a movie uh? The Holiday sounds good?". Jisoo proposed. She knew better than to bring out Jennie into the conversation given Lisa's current state.

The Holiday was Lisa's favorite movie of all time. She didn't know why, but maybe it was because of the huge crush she had always had on Cameron Diaz. There was something about the blonde bombshell that made Lisa weak. 

Lisa just hummed. She was still pissed Jisoo always assumed she was sad because of Jennie. I mean, she wasn't wrong, but still. It made Lisa feel too vulnerable for her own liking. 

They watched the movie and ordered pizza. None of them talked much. Jisoo occasionally said something concerning how hot Cameron Diaz and Jude Law were and Lisa couldn't do anything but agree. Bisexuality at its finest.   
Even though Lisa might not say it to Jisoo often, she appreciated her friend a lot. She had made her laugh and forget about her problems. Plus, It had been nice to have some company that night. 

After the movie had finished and Jisoo couldn't eat another slice of the family size pizza they had ordered, the two were still cuddled up on the couch, watching stupid reality shows that neither of them found interesting to say the least. 

Jisoo's phone screen suddenly light up. It was a call from Chaeyoung.   
Jisoo seemed reluctant to take it, but after Lisa nudged her slightly with her elbow, she clicked the green icon and answered. 

" Chaeng?" Her tone insecure. 

Lisa couldn't make out what Rosè was saying on the other line, but figuring from Jisoo's face, it was nothing good. 

"Wait, wait, slow down. ..Repeat.... Where are you right now exactly? ... okay just send me the location and don't move Chang, please... I'm coming" Suddenly, Jisoo was on her feet, an expression mixed with worry and anger on her face. 

" What happened, is everything alright?" Lisa couldn't help but ask her friend, who seemed to have receive more than bad news. 

"That motherfucker! I'm gonna fucking kill him! I swear to god Lisa I'm gonna kill him!"

"Who?"Lisa was now worried too, given the distressed state her friend was in. 

" that human trash Loren. Chaeng's at a party and he made her take something and now she isn't feeling good and that jerk is nowhere to be found"

"Well then we gotta go, right now. Let's take your car" Lisa hurriedly said. 

" No that's okay, you stay here I'll call you as soon as I can" 

Lisa didn't insist, she knew that her friend always had a reason for everything, and if she felt like she had to go alone then she would just let her go. 

She stood up and rapidly hugged her before saying " please be careful". 

Jisoo had never driven that fast or in such a hurry in her whole life. The thought of her Rosie alone at a party and in that state where everybody could easily take advantage of her was making jisoo's foot press the gas all the way. 

Once she had made it to what she hoped was the destination of the party, she got out and quickly looked around before making her way inside. 

She was standing in front of a tall red bricks building. Loud music was coming from inside so she decided to just follow it. 

She hadn't need to knock at one door. Every one she found was open and covered with posters that indicated the way to the "Diamond Party". 

Jisoo already disliked the name. 

But what she disliked more were the kind of people she had found inside the room where the party was. 

Eccentric looking guys and girls were everywhere. Couches, bar stools, dance floor. Not one soul seemed to be sober. Everyone seemed to be in some kind of drunk or drugged state, Jisoo couldn't tell the difference.   
Was Loren taking Rosie to drug parties? Is this the serious relationship her best friend is so willing to throw out all of these years of friendship for? 

Asking around would be pointless, jisoo thought. She'd have to find Chaeyoung alone. 

So she started roaming around, eyes wide everytime she'd get a glimpse of blonde hair. But it never turned out to be who she was looking for. 

After about twenty minutes of Jisoo's thoroughly search around the huge room where the party was allocated, she was desperate. What if someone had taken her? What if they were gonna hurt her? Rape her? 

Jisoo was about to lose her mind when, suddenly, she remembered she hadn't checked the bathroom yet. She started running like a maniac, looking for the restroom, if there was one. 

When she suddenly found it she pushed the door so hard she was sure, if it had been closed, she would have teared it down. 

The bathroom was about the filthiest and most squalid thing she'd ever step foot in. Graffiti covered every available surface, the toilets too, half smoked cigarettes laid around everywhere and there was stagnant water inside the plugged sink. 

There she was. 

On a corner, all curled up, laid an unconscious girl. A blonde-haired girl. 

"Chaeng!" Jisoo shouted, while taking rapid steps towards her. 

But Rosè didn't answer, she was completely passed out. 

Jisoo had no choice but start slapping her as hard as she could and shake her by the arms in the meantime in an attempt to wake her up. 

After a while, she seemed to regain a little consciousness, or at least enough to mutter under a whisper "Gonna throw up". 

As soon as jisoo heard what she said, she quickly took her to the nearest toilet. 

Rosie started throwing up, her whole body shaking and sweating, her hands clenched to the toilet. A scene everybody would probably run away disgusted from.   
Everybody, but Jisoo. Who, even in the peculiar situation, was making sure Rosie's hair wouldn't get in the way, gently keeping it back. 

After Chaeyoung was done, jisoo tried to clean her up the best she could. She still was in no condition to stand up and walk away on her own.   
Even though Rosè was extremely skinny there was no way that Jisoo, who was shorter than her, could carry out the other.   
After a while, jisoo managed to get Chaeyoung into a semi standing position and, with one arm draped around Jisoo's neck and the latter hands on Chaeyoung for support they managed to get out of the building.   
The stairs had been quite something but they had made it to Jisoo's car.

Jisoo had been able to put Chaeyoung into the passenger seat in her car, struggling to put on seatbelts on the blonde girl.   
She was still barely conscious muttering nonsense. She had a pained expression and she looked like she was having a very vivid nightmare. 

The brunette had to fight her instincts to have the girl in her arms, try to make her feel safer than she probably felt at the moment. But her priority was to get Rosie to her bed and out of that horrible place. So she did, giving gas to her car she drove away, heading to her house. 

While driving, jisoo kept glancing at the girl to her right, who couldn't seem to calm down at all. So Jisoo reached over and placed her right hand on top of Rosie's who quickly grabbed it back. 

Jisoo had thought about taking Rosè back to her house, but after giving it a few thoughts she realized that Chaeyoung's super religious mum probably wouldn't appreciate her daughter coming home unconscious from a night out without the person she had left with. So she took her to her house. Her parents were away most of the month anyway so it wouldn't hurt anyone, would it? 

After pulling up at her house, this time, she had no choice but to carry Rosè inside bridal style. That was probably the most physical activity jisoo had had in months, but still, she wouldn't complain about it. As long as Rosie was safe, she told herself. 

Laying Rosè down on her bed she found herself at a crossroad: letting her sleep in her dirty clothes or wash her up as good as she could and change her into some pajamas? 

Jisoo's OCD got the best of her and she decided she couldn't let Rosie sleep like that or, better, she couldn't sleep knowing Rosè was in that state.   
So she began taking the younger's make up off and slowly-but-not-in-a-creepy-way she started taking Rosè' heels and dress off.   
Jisoo couldn't lie to herself. She was indeed enjoying this. When would she have another occasion of observing the blonde's delicate face and smooth porcelain skin like she was doing now? No stolen glances and face red everytime she'd get caught? 

Even passed out, Rosè resembled a doll, Jisoo noticed. And what she was doing right now resembled a lot the dressing up she'd do with her dolls when she was a baby. 

Okay now, that, was creepy, jisoo thought and was quickly to get her head out of the gutter when, while she was finishing taking her dress off, she noticed Rosè wasnt wearing a bra. 

Jisoo panicked. She had never felt like such a pervert in all her life. And, again, she had had moments she wasn't proud about. 

She quickly pulled the dress off through her head and ran out of the room to look for a pajama top. 

When she came back, Rosè was still sprawled on her bed naked, but she seemed to have woken out a bit, since she was trembling and complaining in a confused state that she was cold.   
Jisoo rushed to her side and put her in the coziest shirt she had found. 

She would love this shirt if she were awake, Jisoo thought while looking at the girl heart eyes. 

After what felt like forever they were finally both under the covers of the bed.   
Even if it had been quite a tiring night, jisoo couldnt seem to fall asleep, her mind too preoccupied with the girl's wellbeing.   
She was laying next to her, listening to her irregular breathing.   
Suddenly, she was talking. 

" I hate you" at first Jisoo was startled. First of all because she thought Chaeyoung was knocked out, and second of all because she thought she was talking to her. But, after hearing what the blonde said next, she realized that her words might not be directed to her. 

" I'm always doing what you want and you don't even look at me"  
Rosie was now crying. Even though her eyes where still shut, her body was moving frantically. Her frustration had been so big, she had started scratching and hitting herself restlessly.

Jisoo couldn't just stay still and watch her do something like that to herself so she got on top of her and kept her arms still, pinning them against the bed.   
She wouldn't let her hurt herself, not in front of her. 

" I'm giving up everything for you!" " I gave up her for you!" " now she hates me"   
Rosie was desperate. Jisoo had never seen her this broken before.  
Realizing she was talking about her situation with Loren and her, she cupped the younger's face and swiped her tears with her thumbs , while still being on top of her, and told her:

"I don't hate you. I never could. I never will. Don't you ever think that"   
And seeing how much her words were comforting her, she decided to keep in that position for a while, whispering sweet and reassuring words to her best friend. 

Suddenly, Rosè's eyes fluttered open.   
But for once, Jisoo wasn't panicking at their closeness. For once, she was calm.   
She couldnt tell by looking into her eyes if she was truly awake or if she was still in a confusional state. Nevertheless, she kept looking deeply into her best friend's eyes. She found what could resemble a loving gaze staring back at her.  
So she did what she had been wanting to do every day for her last lifetime. She kissed her.   
Still cupping her face, she pecked her lips, while soothingly rubbing her cheeks with her thumbs.   
The kiss didn't last long. Jisoo didn't want to take advantage of someone she loved that much, so she simply let her mouth rest on top of the softest lips she had ever kissed for about ten seconds, before she pulled away and stared into her best friend's eyes. 

Again, Rosè's expression hadn't changed, a single tear was running down her face.


	10. IX.

Jisoo knew they'd have to talk about it. Rosie would wake up and they'd have to talk about it. But still, that didn't stop Jisoo from panicking while waiting in the living room. What would Rosie remember about last night? And even if she did, would she bring it out?

It was about one p.m and Chaeyoung still hadn't woken up.   
Jisoo had spent her morning staring outside her living room window. It wasn't a nice day. But it wasn't a bad day either. Where the sun was supposed to be, there were grey clouds, but not the bad kind. A brief wind was moving the trees.  
It might seem odd, But Jisoo adored that weather. It was the same weather she had witnessed her whole life, it felt like home to her. Just like the blonde sleeping in the other room did.

Not after a while, Rosie came out of her room, looking pretty rough. Her blonde hair were disheveled and she had dark eye bags under her almond shaped eyes. The shirt Jisoo had "lended" her the previous night was way too big on her, which only contributed to make her look even skinnier. Even though Jisoo was shorter than Chaeyoung she only wore oversized clothes, so everytime her friend would take something from her closet she ended up looking like she had stolen it from her boyfriend rather than her five-foot-four best friend. 

"How are you feeling ?" Jisoo was the first one to break the silence. The two had been staring at each other, both unsure on what to say. 

Jisoo pardoned Chaeyoung's silence thinking she was still pretty confused from last night. 

"I don't know. I feel like I died. And resuscitated. And now I'm dying again".   
Roseanne's voice was hoarse, she was probably dehydrated and her throat was dry. Jisoo felt like the voice that came out of her wasn't Rosie's, but the one of a fifty year old with a nicotine addiction. 

If that was what drugs did to someone, Jisoo didn't want her to take any anymore. It was like looking at a stranger. Like her whole face had changed overnight. 

Jisoo's parents were both doctors so she had had a lot of medicine and health magazines around the house growing up. She remembered that one time when she didn't have anything to read so she grabbed one of her mother's magazines and started reading. One article in particular talked about drugs. Surpassing the boring medical stuff, a testimony at the end of the article had caught Jisoo's attention. One sentence stated: To feel the high you gotta handle the lows.

Jisoo wasn't an expert but she pretty sure Rosie was now experiencing the so-called "lows". The blonde looked feverish and pale, a layer of cold sweat adorned her forehead and she was pretty sure she was shivering. 

They still hadn't moved from their previous positions. Jisoo was still standing by the window and Rosè by the sofa, far from her. 

When Jisoo tried to move closer, Rosè was quick to take a step back.

"I need to take a shower" she announced, almost asking for permission. 

"Okay, I'll get you some towels" Jisoo was trying very hard not to take the blonde's cold behavior too personally. After what happened last night, it was obvious Rosè wouldn't be her usual cheery self. 

Both in the bathroom, Jisoo had taken out the fluffiest towels she could find and handed it to her friend. 

"Here you go, call me if you need anything. I'll let you to it" jisoo made a move to exit the bathroom when Rosie stopped her.

"Wait"

"What?" Jisoo turned around to question her friend who was staying silent even under Jisoo's confused gaze.

"Shower with me" Rosie's words came out almost as a whisper. She wasn't asking, her words felt like a beg. 

Jisoo didn't answer straight away. After everything that was happening lately, doing something so intimate like showering together wasn't exactly something that was on the older's mind. She wasn't opposed to the idea, she was just taken back by the request, and even more taken back by the fact that it was coming from the blonde herself. Someone who had told her they should distance themselves from each other only a week ago. 

"I don't really feel like being alone right now" Rosè added after a while. 

Jisoo wasn't convinced at all, she kept staring at her best friend's lost orbits, trying to understand what she was truly feeling. But she found nothing but black dilated pupils staring back at her. 

She didn't utter a word, she just hummed to give her consent. 

The blonde seemed relieved. 

They started taking off the few clothes they had on. An action they did countless times, they did it slowly once. An awkward aura surrounded the two of them. This time, something felt different. 

Rosè was the first one to enter the shower since she was only wearing Jisoo's shirt. Jisoo purposely lingered more on undoing her top buttons, hoping to avoid the awkwardness of standing in front of each other naked, trying to look anywhere else but each other.

Chaeyoung had already turned the water on, a hot steam surrounding the blonde, when Jisoo got into the shower too. Rosè didn't turn around, she stayed facing the wall in front of her letting the water drip on her. Seeing how she stayed still under the water jet, Jisoo stood behind her trying to get some of the water to hit her body too.   
She then proceeded to put shampoo on her trembling hands and wash the blonde's hair. She didn't know how the latter would react. Again, they had showered together a lot of times but never did something like that. It felt intimate, something lovers would do to each other.   
Forcing herself not to overthink it too much, she gently started rubbing the product on her best friend's hair. Seeing how the blonde would lean into her touch, she just kept going.   
She washed her body too. Drawing soothingly circles on her skin, she wanted the blonde to feel loved. She wanted her to feel everything she couldn't bring herself to tell.   
When she finally turned her around and they came face to face, she noticed Rosie was crying. Instead of stopping, seeing her best friend's face only made her cry harder. She was now full on sobbing. Jisoo thought if she kept going like that she wouldn't be able to stand on her feet given the weak state she was in. And indeed she couldn't.   
She crumbled to the shower's floor, bringing Jisoo with her.  
Jisoo could only let Rosie fall into her arms, their naked bodies pressed together in what resembled an hug. 

The brunette let her cry on her shoulder while the water would hit their bodies, the sound of it almost covering Chaeyoung's loud sobs. 

Jisoo cupped her face. 

"Why do you do this to yourself?" She whispered, their faces an inch from each other, fore heads pressed together. She didn't need to shout. She didn't need to talk at all, she was sure the blonde already knew everything Jisoo thought at the moment because she was thinking it too. 

Rosie didn't answer, she just kept crying, her tears mixing with water on jisoo's hands. 

"I know this is not you, Chaeng. I know it because I've known you all my life."   
Jisoo couldn't bare to see her best friend in this state. She felt sad, hopeless and worried. But mostly, she felt anger towards the jerk who got her like that in the first place.

"Who are you trying to impress?" 

Rosie kept silent, once again. Jisoo wasn't even sure the blonde was making sense of the words that were being said to her. 

"He should love you for who you are, you know"

Jisoo kept her arms around her best friend the whole time. Even after one of her legs had started going numb, due to the uncomfortable position, she still stood her place. She couldn't let go of the blonde and risk her feeling abandoned. Not when she was like this. 

After the shower, it felt like something had shifted between the two of them. With the awkward atmosphere from the morning leaving the two, they both felt better, lighter. 

Jisoo had decided to stop nudging the younger one about the previous night, knowing that she would tell her everything ( that she could remember) at her own time. 

So, when the evening had come, they prepared a simple but hot dinner, knowing that Chaeyoung wouldn't be able to keep in her stomach anything more complex. 

While they were eating they couldn't help but stare at each other.   
Jisoo was almost too preoccupied admiring the blonde eating in front of her to mind her own plate which was starting to get cold. 

"Why do you always stare at me?" Rosie said after taking another sip of her soup. 

Even in her disheveled look, Jisoo thought she looked ethereal. She loved seeing her all natural like this, no make up or fancy clothes, just Rosie. She also loved how her skin would be a little tanned even in winter, how her eyes would squint every time she smiled or laughed. She loved how much captured she would be from food or those silly children movies she usually watched to pay attention to her surroundings. Jisoo loved her for who she truly was. 

But, of course, she couldn't just tell her that. Even if things were somehow fine between them, she didn't want to mess them all up again with what would basically be a love confession. 

"Because you're beautiful" jisoo said instead. 

Rosie's cheeks turned red all of a sudden. That made her the more alive she had looked ( and felt) for the last twelve hours. 

She had always been one to get shy easily, so jisoo brushed off her reaction pretty quickly. 

" you look beautiful too, Jisoo" Rosè muttered out after a while. It felt like she had to muster some courage before uttering out the words. 

Rosè's words had sounded so genuine that it was hard this time for Jisoo to not pay any attention to them. So she just stared back at her friend, who held an undecipherable gaze. 

Even though from the outside it might look like Rosie and Jennie where the most feminine ones of the friend group ( which, as a matter of fact, they were) if you were close enough like the four girls were, you would notice the "masculine" energy that Chaeyoung seemed to radiate from time to time. 

Jisoo didn't believe in gender stereotype at all but whenever the tall girl would open the door for her or adjust a piece of her clothing or of her hair for her, she couldn't help but think of her as what she would like her hypothetical boyfriend to be. 

Except she wasn't. She was a skinny, tall, blonde girl who already had a boyfriend of her own. 

Speaking of the devil, the blonde's phone had suddenly gone off, startling the both of them. 

It was Loren. 

Jisoo had thought, or better hoped, that Rosie wouldn't pick up after the horrible way he had behaved the previous night.   
Not only had he left her drugged and senseless at a party alone, but he had also been MIA ever since. 

To jisoo's opinion, he didn't deserved to have his call answered. He should suffer just a tiny bit of the amount the blonde had endured. 

But, obviously, Chaeyoung wasn't Jisoo so she picked up the phone after a few rings. 

After talking for a while with his boyfriend, Rosè's face had lost all of the wellness she had hardly picked up since last night. 

"What did he say?" Jisoo was no longer looking at her in the eyes, to avoid the disappointment while anticipating the blonde's next words. 

"That he's sorry and is coming to pick me up and take me home"

"And you're fine with that?" Jisoo was actually startled. She couldn't believe her best friend was giving in that easily after how he had treated her. 

But this time, Jisoo thought, he was gonna have to confront her too. 

He didn't even bothered to ring the bell, he simply blew the horn of his car a couple times, signaling he was there. 

Jisoo made her way downstairs to the front door as soon as she could, not even making sure that Chaeyoung was after her. For what she was about to do, she didn't want her to be present. 

Loren was waiting in the driver seat of his red mustang. He simply rolled the window down when he noticed the angry figure next to his car. 

"What's up?" He told Jisoo with his usual expressionless face. 

"I'll tell you what's up, jerk. First of all, you left her at a party drugged, confused and alone. Then, not only you don't even bother to check your phone or make sure she's okay but you completely forget of her existence until now. What if someone had taken her last night? What then? Would your shiny car be good for something? Uh?" 

She was yelling and she didn't care. The more she saw the apathetic look he still had across his face, the more her rage seem to deepen. 

"Fucking answer me, you fucker!" Jisoo couldn't help it but start kicking Loren's car with as much strength as she had. 

When she saw how that still wasn't enough to get a reaction out of the boy, she went to hit his rear view mirror, when suddenly a hand stopped her. 

"Jesus, what are you doing?" Rosè pleaded out. Her face full with worry and something else jisoo couldn't quite figure out. She seemed tired. 

"I'm doing what you can't do. Teaching him a lesson cause he treats you like shit!" 

Rosè's worried look turned into an enraged one. 

"That's not for you to do! Stop pretending like you know what's best for me! I didn't ask for any of this." 

She let go of Jisoo's wrist which she was still holding on to, before saying 

"Please, I appreciate what you did for me last night but i need you to stay out of it" 

Once she said that she got into Loren's car and drove away, failing to notice the set of eyes that followed her until they turned a corner.


	11. X.

It would soon be Jennie's birthday and Lisa wanted nothing to do with her. 

Every year her birthday would fall exactly on the day back from Christmas break.   
So adding to the stress of the whole back-to-school thing, there was the awkwardness of facing Jennie. On her birthday. 

Lisa honestly didn't think she could go through a whole day dedicated to her best friend when she was still mad at her.   
She had thought about bailing. But at the end her alarm had gone off at 6.50 a.m and up she went to get ready for the day. 

She couldn't avoid her best friend on her special day, no matter how mad she was at her. 

Plus, there was the whole " I don't really have a reason to be mad at you right now, except for you being you" so avoiding Jennie would only make the brunette grow more suspicious and, probably, more annoyed. 

Even though she had decided to not skip school she still did everything in her power to arrive late.   
There was no way she would endure half an hour of greetings and birthday wishes while she froze her ass off outside of school.

She entered the class only when the tardy bell rang, taking no chance to even accidentally meet the brunette in the hallway. 

Jennie was the punctual one, everybody knew that. Lisa, on the other hand, wasn't; so it came to no surprise to her first period teacher, Mrs. August, when she excused herself for being late to class. 

After being dismissed, she rapidly took her usual seat. Next to Jennie. 

She looked amazing, Lisa thought. 

She wore her hair down and was strangely wearing a simple outfit. It wasn't like her to look so basic, especially on her birthday. Jennie loved attention in whatever form it may come.

She was wearing a black sweater v-neck that enhanced her breasts and her thin waist. Lisa couldn't help but look at her. Even in her simplicity, she looked stunning. Lisa actually preferred seeing her dressed casual; it made Jennie look a little more human and lot less intimidating. 

"Happy birthday Nini" Lisa greeted her with her favorite nickname. 

Ever since they were younger, they liked to call themselves Nini and Lili. They would write their names on everything, as some sort of signature. Jennie's name always first. 

"Thank you." She answered, before adding "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever" 

To a stranger's eyes Jennie's face and expression could always pass as serene and peaceful, but if you took a closer look, her eyes always seemed to have a life of their own. It was almost like they didn't reflect the owner's will. 

"Yeah, I know. I've been busy studying for finals and stuff" Lisa replied vaguely.

" So you haven't seen anyone this break?" Jennie's tone was still calm. But Lisa could sense how the conversation could easily transform into an inquisition if she said the wrong thing. 

"Nope. My mum was away for work so I just enjoyed having the house to myself." She wasn't exactly telling a lie. She had indeed been alone for most of the Christmas break. Except for when Jisoo had shown up to her door. And Jungkook. But she hoped nobody knew about that. 

"Jisoo told me she came over" Jennie now had an eyebrow arched up while looking at Lisa and feigning curiosity.

There it is, Lisa thought.

"I didn't plan on having her over. She just showed up." Lisa wasn't trying to justify herself. She was done making up excuses for doing nothing wrong. 

Since the lesson had begun, Jennie had started taking notes. With her eyes focused on her notebook and not on Lisa anymore, she said: 

"Then I should've just showed up uninvited too if that's what it takes to talk to you." 

"Maybe you should've" Lisa dryly replied. 

Was this how all their conversations were bounded to be? What happened to the couple of friends who couldn't stop laughing every time they saw each other? 

There always seemed to be some undefined tension between the two of them. Something neither of the two could really put a name on. At least not Lisa. As long as it concerned Jennie, the blonde knew it wasn't smart to underestimate her. 

Afraid Jennie would be mad at her, she tried testing the water and ask her at what page they were. But as soon as she leaned a little onto Jennie she heard Mrs August interrupting the lesson. 

"Lisa, Jennie what have you girls been talking about since the beginning of my lesson?" 

Lisa stayed silent to the question. But Jennie was quick to intervene.

"I'm sorry, Mrs., Lisa was just asking me questions about the last chapter since she has been having some problems with it."

If Jennie seemed unfazed by getting scolded, Lisa had turned red. She didn't know wether she was more embarrassed about Mrs August scolding her or Jennie making her look like a fool in front of the whole class. 

"If that's the matter, i would like a word at the end of class, Lisa" she looked serious and a little taken back by Jennie's words. 

Lisa simply nodded, careful to keep her head down the whole duration of class. She didn't even notice Jennie glancing at her every few minutes, checking on her friend. 

Since they had two consecutive periods, when the second bell had finally rung it had been both a pleasure and a displeasure to Lisa.   
She had slowly packed her things up, waiting for the rest of the class to leave. 

Even though she had kind of tried to avoid Jennie, the latter had managed to send her an apologetic look while leaving, before telling her she'd see her for lunch. 

Lisa had made her way to the teacher's desk looking like an abandoned dog. She didn't like having discussions with adults. It would usually end up with her crying. 

"Lisa, you should have told me if you have trouble keeping up. You know there's nothing wrong with that" Mrs August's eyes were kinder than before. Lisa never expected to see this side of her. 

"Well, you see Mrs, I guess it's because I'm a senior now but a lot of things seem harder than last year" Lisa was only half lying to her teacher. She did have some problems in some subjected this year. Maths for once. 

Since she was taking all AP classes with Jennie it had become more and more draining to keep up with all the material and maintaining good grades.   
She had never been an excellent student like her best friend, whose parents always expected her to be top of the class every year. Lisa's mum wasn't anything like that. Yes, she cared about her education as long as it didn't interfere with her daughter's physical and mental health. 

Lisa had been the only person beating herself up for some of her academic failures. Her and Jennie's snarky comments. 

"The finals are coming up and I know you can ace them with just a little bit of help. This is why I'm assigning you a tutor" 

Lisa didn't know what to say. She had never had a tutor. She had always thought it would have been too awkward. 

"Her name's Soojin. She's a junior"

Seeing Lisa's reaction she added with a smile "Don't worry. Yes, she's younger, but trust me she's more than capable of helping you with senior-level maths." 

It took a bit of convincing from Mrs August's side for Lisa to finally accept. Not only was it embarrassing enough that she now needed a tutor, which she had never had in her whole life, but the said tutor was also going to be a year younger than her.   
Mrs august would have to ask the younger girl for agreement, but she would get back to Lisa as soon as she knew, she had said. 

Lisa had passed the next two periods lost in her thoughts, not really paying attention to the teachers' lectures. 

Lunch time came and she entered the cafeteria. 

She was making her way to her usual table, the one she shared with Rosie, Jisoo, Jennie and lately, the boys, when she suddenly bumped into someone. The hit made their tray fall to the ground, their lunch was scattered around. 

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry" Lisa was quick to say. She had indeed not been paying attention to her surroundings at all, her head still in the clouds. 

She squatted to help clean up the mess she made, when suddenly she looked up. 

She was met with the second most captivating set of eyes she had ever looked into. First were Jennie's. 

The unknown eyes were staring at her. Lisa noticed the girl had a small mole under her left eye. 

Such an interesting feature, Lisa thought. She was sure people wouldn't forget the dark haired girl very easily. Herself included. 

"That's okay" the girl shyly replied before looking down and continuing gathering her things from the ground.

"I'm Lisa" 

Why was she introducing herself? God, she probably sounded so lame right now.

"I know" the brunette replied. 

"You know?" Lisa couldn't help but be surprised. She knew that she was a senior and the girl was probably younger since she had never seen her in any of her classes, but apart from being Jennie's friend she didn't have much popularity. 

"Yes, Mrs. August stopped me before and asked me if I could tutor you. She pointed at you in the hallway". 

"You're Soojin?" Lisa was actually incredulous. She hadn't expected the junior girl who would tutor her to be, well, like this. 

"Yes" Soojin's voice came out feebly, her cheeks turning slightly pink. 

"Did you agree, then?" Lisa asked. 

"Agree on what?"

"Tutoring me" Lisa tried not to sound as embarrassed as she truly was on asking a younger girl to help her with her maths exam basically. 

"I did" A small smile making its way to the brunette's lips. 

Lisa was happy Soojin had said yes but for some reason the girl seemed to make her nervous. She couldn't understand why, though. She was talking to a junior.

Since an awkward silence had settled between the two of them, Lisa had decided on breaking it by speaking again. 

"Well, Soojin" she said, liking the way the name rolled out her tongue, "the least I can do for ruining your lunch and you agreeing on tutoring this absolute mess is offering to buy you another one". 

"Oh no, it's okay, really. Plus, I really enjoy tutoring" 

Lisa noticed how the girl's eyes had brighten up as soon as she had mentioned tutoring. She liked this new found enthusiasm.

"I insist" Lisa said. She couldn't let the girl not eat anything knowing she was the reason she didn't have her lunch anymore.

After a little convincing, Soojin had finally let Lisa buy her lunch, which the taller girl gladly obliged to.

Finally making her way to her table, she noticed that her friends were almost done eating.

It was only the four of them that day, Jungkook and Taehyung were probably busy at basketball practice or something like that. 

She noticed that the seating arrangement were different. Jisoo, who was usually sitting beside Rosè, was occupying Lisa's place beside Jennie.

Before sitting down at her new place, she had met Rosè's eyes. She had seemed to want to warn her about something; but, of course, she couldn't decipher what was that about. 

Until she looked at Jennie. She had barely touched her food and she looked mad. Too mad for her birthday. She didn't look back at Lisa. 

Lisa had wanted to talk to Chaeyoung and ask her about how she was since they hadn't seen each other in a while. The days after the unfortunate party, they had been briefly texting, mostly to make sure the blonde girl was doing okay. Once she opened her mouth to talk, Jisoo beat her to it. 

"Where have you been, Lisa?" Jisoo said coolly. 

"I knocked a girl's tray out accidentally and offered to re buy her lunch" Lisa said half laughing. Her friends seemed to find the story funny, too. Except for one. 

"And the best part is, i found out she's my new maths tutor"

It took the word tutor for Jennie to finally look at Lisa.

"Wait, hold on a second." Rosie said " Since when do you need tutoring?"

"Since Mrs. august thinks I do" lisa simply shrugged. She actually found herself excited to have those tutoring lessons after meeting Soojin.

"This is non sense. I am the student with the highest grade in that class, if anyone can be a tutor, that should be me" Jennie stated with a serious expression.  
She wasn't exactly the type to lose her composure easily but the topic seemed to have struck a nerve. 

"Well it's not like I chose her, Mrs. August did" Lisa tried calming her best friend down.

But given that she didn't know wether Jennie was angry because their teacher didn't ask her to tutor or because somebody else would tutor Lisa, she didn't know what to say. 

"Who is she anyway? Is it Irene? I swear that bitch isn't even smart, her father just finances the whole school" jennie was fuming. 

"Her name's Soojin" Lisa was actually quite nervous to say the name. Jennie looked ready to kill whoever that might be who "stole" her place.

"I've never heard of her" Jisoo, with her mouth full of smashed potatoes, said. 

"Well, that's because she's not a senior" Lisa managed to say, averting everybody's eyes. 

Having met Soojin she felt bad for feeling embarrassed about her. She was more afraid of her friends making fun of her for being tutored by a younger girl than for the girl herself. 

"So she's younger?" Rosie asked. 

Lisa simply nodded. 

"I can't believe it! This is just outrageous. What was in Mrs August's mind to give you a younger tutor? What could this girl now about maths? She's probably still doing equations in her diaper!" 

The two other girls seemed to find Jennie's irritability funny, but Lisa didn't. 

She couldn't let Jennie make fun of someone she didn't even know just because she was younger. For the little time they had spent together, Soojin seemed like a sweet girl. 

Her maths skills was something Lisa alone could judge after their first tutoring session. 

"There must be a reason why Mrs. august entrusted her with me. I'm sure she wouldn't pick someone younger if she thought she couldn't measure up"

" Whatever, we'll see." Jennie dismissed the argument with a move of her hand. "Now let's stop talking about some junior no one, we've got bigger things to discuss"

"Like?" Jisoo asked.

"My birthday party" Jennie said, grinning from ear to ear.


	12. XI.

Jennie had informed them that she would throw her birthday party that Friday night and she needed the girls help to make sure the whole thing would come out perfect.

"You only turn eighteen once" she had told them. 

Lisa kept thinking about how the brunette seemed to act differently. It seemed like this party specifically had a meaning to her. She had never had to put any effort into organizing anything for hundreds of people to show up at her party. A simple announcement usually did the work for her. 

As already said, Jennie loved attention but she didn't beg for it. It just came naturally to her. Her mysterious aura made her a people magnet. 

She was aware of the effect she had. So why was she making all this fuss for a birthday party? 

After school Lisa was at the school's gate, talking with Rosie and Jisoo who didn't look at each other even once. 

Had something happened to them that Lisa wasn't aware of? 

She decided she'd investigate the matter later on by asking one of the two girls separately. She wouldn't want to drop a bomb inadvertently. 

They were waiting for Jennie to reach them. They didn't know what was taking the girl so long, she usually exited school at the same times of the other girls. 

Jisoo and Rosie turned when they heard a familiar voice. Unfortunately for Lisa, it wasn't the short brunette but a couple of black haired guys in their basketball jerseys that were waving at them. 

Lisa wanted to hide. She still hadn't faced Jungkook since he had visited her a few days ago and she thought that doing it here in front of all their friends wasn't exactly the appropriate place. 

But Jungkook, being his naive and stubborn self, came up to her.

"We need to talk"

"Yes. But not today. Not now" Lisa said firmly while looking around to see if anyone was listening or paying attention to them. 

"Why?" He asked. 

"Because It's Jennie's birthday" Lisa said the first thing that came to her mind. As far as she knew, she didn't have any plans with the brunette that afternoon. 

" You always have an excuse, don't you?" Jungkook said. The annoyance clear in his voice. 

"What does Jennie have to do with this?" He added.

That's something Lisa didn't like very much about boys. They always seemed to want everything and to want it right away. 

Jennie had now made her way over to the group, excusing herself by saying she had to make a few phone calls for the party planning. 

Lisa and Jungkook, being a few feet away from them, hadn't noticed her arrival. But Jennie had noticed them and couldn't help but catch some of their conversation. 

"It's not an excuse. I agree with you that we have to talk but i can't just stand my best friend up on her birthday, can I?" Lisa tried using the guilty card, knowing that Jungkook wouldn't push any further after her words. 

"Lisa" a voice interrupted them. It was Jennie.

"Let's go. My car is here" she said nudging towards the black Mercedes that was parked at the side of the road. 

Lisa sent her a questioning look before understanding took over her face. Jennie had heard them and was saving Lisa from the awkward situation she had found herself in. 

"Coming" she said back before saying goodbye to Jungkook and promising him they'd talk soon. 

Both Lisa and Jennie said goodbye to the group but as they made a move to leave, Taehyung grabbed Jennie and kissed her passionately, before whispering 

"Happy birthday, babe"

She didn't look very happy about the display of affection but still stood in the boy's arms.

"So...I'll come over later, right?" He asked mischievously. 

"I'm with Lisa tonight" she replied casually, like she didn't know that her words had the same effect of a thousand knifes sinking in his heart. 

"Oh, I see" was all he could say. An angry look plastered through out his whole face while he shot a glance at Lisa, who looked down at her feet as a reaction. 

He let Jennie go from his grasp, who in turn grabbed Lisa's arm and made her way to the car that was waiting for her. 

Before getting inside, Jennie's driver had opened the door for them and handed her a bouquet of flower. It had a small note with it. Lisa couldn't make out what it said and was smart enough not to ask Jennie. She knew the brunette didn't like talking about her private life. 

"Your father brings his apologies Miss" the driver said with an expressionless tone. 

Jennie didn't say anything, she just nodded and threw the flowers into the backseat before entering the car herself.

After a few moments of silence that Lisa spent observing Jennie's face to detect any hint of sadness or distaste after what she had been announced, she talked. 

"Thank you for earlier"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Jennie replied while keeping her head straight, but Lisa noticed how her lips had curled up into a grin. 

She knew exactly what she was talking about. 

Deciding not to push any further, Lisa changed topic. 

"Why did you say no to Taehyung?" Her voice had come out way more fragile than she had intended. 

"I wasn't in the mood for some vanilla birthday sex tonight" Jennie said, while turning her head towards Lisa and meeting her gaze. Even though her voice had kept composed, her eyes had something playful in them, daring almost. 

"Plus" she added, maintaining eye contact "I had already planned on celebrating with my girls tonight. Rosie and Jisoo are coming over later. I asked them while you were busy talking to your boy" 

"He's not my boyfriend" Lisa said defensively. 

But why was she so pressed about it? What if he was really her boyfriend? And, what if Jennie actually believed it? 

Lisa pushed her thoughts aside, she did not have time for overthinking right now. 

"We just need to talk about something" 

"And what would that something be?" Jennie asked teasingly. 

"Just a conversation we didn't have a chance to finish" she answered vaguely, breaking eye contact with the brunette. 

"You've been keeping a lot of secrets from me lately, Lili" 

Lisa couldn't stand the tone and the nick name Jennie had used. It made her feel uncomfortable.   
She shuffled in her seat and looked out of the window until they reached Jennie's house.


	13. XII.

As soon as they entered Jennie's house, the latter was welcomed with a second set of flowers that were handed to her by the governess. 

"From your mother, Miss Kim" 

Jennie had nodded, took the flowers in her hands again and assumed the same expressionless face she had early on. 

Jennie's house was exactly what you'd expect someone like Jennie to live in. In the middle of an open space, there was a set of fluctuating stairs that led to the second floor, where the bedrooms were. An aseptic-looking kitchen stood in the left corner. The steel counter was immaculate, making it look like it never had been used before.

The house, with its extravagant furniture and pronounced character, made a great impression on a first time guest. But, at the same time, gave the general feeling of lacking something: human presence. 

If it wasn't for the fact Lisa had been there countless times in the last four years, she'd say she had just stepped foot into a cine graphic set.

She had always preferred Jennie's previous house. It was a three-floor, western-inspired villa. It had been nothing compared to the modern mansion Jennie's family currently lived in, but it sure felt like a home. 

It had been before the Kim's family company reached the success it had nowadays; a time when Jennie's mum still found time to cook her daughter's favorite food when she came home after having a bad day at school. Or when she would actually see her father. Not like she could say she did nowadays. 

Maybe that's why Jennie was valuing her birthday differently this year. Since turning eighteen was considered a big deal, maybe she'd hoped that her parents might have showed up then. 

But even if that was the case, one couldn't say. Jennie's expression remained stoic at almost any occasion. And even when it looked like something had broken through her high walls, there was no certainty that what Jennie let the world see was truthful. 

Still, Lisa felt like something was different today. What she had not seen with her eyes she had felt. Jennie's disappointment was tangible. Her parents absence had really struck her. 

But again, Jennie didn't let her emotions transpire like a normal person. She'd either have a break down when things were too much for her handle or she'd hide the current feeling with a different one. Anger or disguise.

If she felt hopeless, she feigned confidence. If she felt lonely, she camouflaged it with recklessness. If she felt hurt, she showed indifference. 

That day, Jennie was a mixture of the three. And not even all the years of knowing her could come useful to Lisa to predict Jennie's behavior. 

"Let's go upstairs" 

Jennie led the way. Lisa, who was walking behind her, couldn't help but stare at the way her body moved. When she walked, her spine remained straight and her head high at all times. When she went up the stairs, her hips swayed slightly, following a hypnotizing pace. 

Another thing Lisa had always noticed was how Jennie made absolutely zero sounds when she walked. It was like her body levitated. 

She couldn't help but think how the silence of Jennie's steps matched the one of the house. 

Once they where inside her room, Jennie had waited to the side for Lisa to come in as well before closing the door. 

Even if she hadn't, Lisa thought, it wasn't not like anybody would disturb them. She was pretty sure the help around the house was trained to behave like ghosts. 

Jennie had then proceeded to stand beside the wall-lengthen window that occupied one side of her bedroom. She stared at the perfectly curated garden outside for a while. Lisa watched her from behind. Neither of them muttering a word. 

It was January and the sun set mid-afternoon, so it wasn't a shock for Lisa when the sky had started tinting red and yellow. What struck her was Jennie's reflection that had formed on the glass of the window. It looked like her skin had absorbed the sun's light, giving it an amber-like tone. Her black eyes lacked profoundness while staring back at Lisa. 

As soon as their eyes met, Lisa felt a cold shiver running through her whole body. She had never felt something like that before. Having Jennie intensely looking at her had had all kind of reactions awaken in her, but never something so petrifying. It was almost like the person staring back at her was someone else. 

Suddenly, Jennie left the room. 

Just like that, Lisa was left alone. Not knowing wether to follow her because what if she had just gone to the bathroom? Then Lisa would be the actual creepy one.  
So she decided to wait. She laid on Jennie's bed and stared at the ending sunset. 

She had woken up after twenty minutes because she felt something, or rather someone, tickling her face. 

Jennie was on top of her, straddling Lisa's waist. Her long hair was falling down, explaining the tickling on the younger's face.  
Lisa had of course been startled at first, but once she looked into Jennie's eyes she relaxed. They weren't the lifeless orbits she had stared at previously; this was her Jennie. 

" I can't believe I leave for five minutes and I find you already asleep" Jennie said, a soft laugh escaping her lips. Her breath hitting Lisa's face. 

"Then you shouldn't have left me alone" Lisa said, her voice a little hoarse from the nap she just had. 

"I would never leave you alone" Jennie's eyes were serious again. 

Lisa chose not to read too much in the words obvious hidden sense. 

"You're not really famous for keeping your word, Jen" Lisa's words had obviously been intended as a pun, but soon the brunette's face filled with something different yet again: determination. 

"You might be right. But there's one thing I can assure you". Jennie's eyes had turned dark. Her tone dangerously flirty.

"And what would that be?". Lisa replied. She knew that given the position the two where in at the moment she shouldn't have answered to Jennie's flirting. But she couldn't help it.

"I promise I can make you scream my name" Jennie had pronounced the words like it was a dare. All it would take for the game to start, was Lisa's consent. 

For a moment there was silence. Lisa's brain was in utter shock, running the endless scenarios that could start from Jennie's words. 

Then she took her decision. 

"Jennie!" She had said while throwing the brunette off of her. "What is wrong with you?" 

" What the hell was that?" She kept going. 

But Jennie's expression hadn't faltered to the least. She laid her head on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. 

"You get flustered so easily, it's not even fun anymore" she said with utter calmness.

"I'll tell you what's not fun anymore" Lisa said before making her way to Jennie. 

She straddled the older's hips the same way Jennie had done with her before. Her hands found Jennie's face easily and one of them sneaked into the back of the brunette's head, where she gripped her hair before bringing their lips together rather forcefully. 

Lisa knew Jennie hadn't expected her to react to one of her provocations. The loud gasp that left her mouth was proof of just that. 

Jennie had tried lifting herself up, but Lisa quickly pushed her back down to the bed. 

Jennie's hands had found the edge of Lisa's shirts where they were tugging at the hem constantly.  
Lisa waited a little longer before complying to Jennie's request and lifting her shirt up her head. 

Jennie didn't let the occasion go to waste and quickly reached Lisa's eye level by bringing herself into a sitting position with Lisa still on her lap.  
She started kissing Lisa's long neck; from her collarbone, to the point of conjunction with her jaw, where she sucked lightly. 

Lisa's hands had found their way back to Jennie's hair where they tugged, trying to keep her impossibly close to her. 

Lisa's breath had become irregular and, when Jennie had started scratching lightly at her back with her nails, she started slowly rocking into Jennie's laps. She had been unaware, it felt like her body had a life of its own and it had no intention on stopping. The pleasure she was feeling too great.

A soft moan left Lisa's lips.

Suddenly, Jennie was tugging at Lisa's hair rather forcefully, which made her head fall down and her eyes roll over. She was quick to push on her shoulders, Lisa's back falling to the bed once again. 

Jennie had placed herself between Lisa's legs. Her eyes looking up at Lisa with a mischievous look. She placed her hands on the blonde's jeans button and started placing open mouth kisses from the low of Lisa's stomach, to her bellybutton and to the valley between her breasts. 

Lisa could feel the excitement in the pit of her stomach. She never thought things would escalate this quickly. But at the same time, she couldn't bring herself to be nervous, too great the enjoyment of the moment and the anticipation of what would come next to care.

Jennie brought her kisses all the way up to the other's lips, where she bit the latter bottom lips and sucked on it before releasing it. While she deepened the kiss, one of her hand had started caressing Lisa's side before going down to unbutton the younger's pants. 

Jennie was struggling given the fact she couldn't use both of her hands since one was occupied supporting herself over Lisa. 

The younger, noticing her difficulty, had placed one hand on Jennie's bicep, signaling her to stop. 

Broken off the kiss, they found themselves staring at each other, their chests going up and down quickly and breathing heavily onto each other. Jennie's hand was still on Lisa's zipper when she asked:

"You don't want to?" For the first time in their friendship, Lisa had seen vulnerability in her best friend's eyes. 

"I think we went too far" Lisa replied while studying Jennie's expression. She tried to look so deep into the brunette's eyes to let her know exactly what she was thinking. That it wasn't that she didn't want too, but that this was all too much. Lisa didn't think she could tolerate sleeping with Jennie and having her avoid her the next day. Her heart wasn't strong enough. 

Jennie didn't have a chance to answer because the sound of the bell being rang echoed in the empty house. 

"It must be the girls" Jennie reassured Lisa before removing herself from her and making her way down stairs. 

Lisa was left shirtless and breathless in Jennie's room. She tried to make out the oldest steps around the house but she couldn't, all she was met with was silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think about the story until now?


	14. XIII.

With cigarettes after sex blasting from her car, Jisoo was making her way towards Jennie's house. 

Unsure on what to do about the whole Chaeyoung-situation, she had at last decided to just let the girl, and their relationship, be. She wouldn't run after her like she always did. 

When a few droplets had hit her car window, she had just shrugged it off, figuring Chaeyoung would just ask Loren for a ride. 

The few droplets had later turned into a full on downpour. The more the rain fell to the ground and the more Jisoo's regret grew. 

She should have just swallowed her stupid pride and pick Chaeyoung up from her house, she kept thinking.

Then, as she was passing next to a bus stop she noticed a blonde girl that looked almost identical to her best friend. 

That couldn't be her...

Not taking any chance, Jisoo hit the brake of her car, which came to an abrupt stop. 

She was sure the signs of her wheels were probably visible on the concrete, but she didn't care. 

To her immense pleasure and displeasure, the girl had indeed been Chaeyoung.   
And she was now looking at Jisoo like she had lost her mind. 

Nevertheless, Rosie said nothing. The two of them just kept looking at each other until the older broke the silence. 

"Get in" Jisoo almost had to shout. The noise of the rain hitting the ground almost covering her voice. 

"I'm good" Chaeyoung answered. 

Jisoo had almost wanted to roll her window up again and drive off. She couldn't believe Chaeyoung was now giving her the cold shoulder.

"I know you're mad at me about Loren, but can't you put that aside for fifteen minutes until we reach J's house? Then you can start hating me again" 

"I don't need your help" 

"Oh, is that what this is now? You not needing my help? Well... where was this mindset when you called me in the middle of the night to pick you up from a party you and your boyfriend attended?" Jisoo couldn't help the sarcastic tone of her voice.

She wasn't being fair but neither was Chaeyoung.

"Are you enjoying it?" the blonde was still ten feet away from the car. She gave no sign of even contemplating jisoo's offer.

"Enjoying what?' At this point Jisoo was done playing. She Just wanted Chaeyoung to make her way to her car so that they could go to Jennie's and celebrate the girl's birthday. And maybe even enjoy themselves for once.

It seemed like Chaeyoung had finally given up on the idea of waiting for the never-coming bus, since she had started to walk towards the older's car. She didn't make a run for it. She simply walked. Extremely slow.

With now both her hair and coat wet, she opened the passenger side and got inside the car.

"Treating me like a child" Rosé finally answered. She looked in front of her, not wanting to give the other girl any satisfaction.

"Put your seat belts on" Jisoo replied. 

If Chaeyoung wanted to act like a child, then she would be treated like one. 

"You just can't help it? Can you?" Rosè said, before adding:

" you know what I think, Jisoo? I think that you're so afraid of me growing up and going through life alone that you'd rather treat me like a child so that I'd need you!" 

Jisoo's hands wrapped tightly across the steering wheel. Knuckles white, it was clear Chaeyoung's words had struck a nerve. 

The older brunette kept quiet. Her car was now speeding towards the residential roads, with no intention of slowing down. 

The silence was deadly. And with the sound of the engine of the car growing louder every time the brunette accelerated, Rosie realized she had gone too far.

"Look, Jisoo, I'm sorry I shouldn't hav-" the blonde tried to apologize, but she was quickly cut off by jisoo's words.

"Don't. The only thing that is keeping me from making you walk to Jennie's house is that it's her birthday and, out of respect for her, I will pretend like nothing's happened" 

"But from tomorrow, you're on your own Chaeng. Enjoy the adult life you so desperately crave" 

Jisoo's words had sounded heartless. No emotions, if not for a little anger, could be detected from her voice. 

The rest of the ride had been awfully, but unsurprisingly, quiet. 

Jisoo had been the first one to get out of the car. She didn't even turn to lock the car and made the way to Jennie's front door. 

For a second she had been worried of having locked Chaeyoung inside the car. But she soon felt the girl's presence behind her and a wave of disappointment crashed through her body. 

Maybe she was more mad at the younger girl than she had predicted. 

She had expected to have the governess welcome them inside. Instead she had come face to face with a slightly flustered Jennie. 

Her face looked flushed and her lips were redder than usual. That made an impression to Jisoo because Jennie's face was never red. Her skin remained fair and white under any situations, no matter the entity of them. 

"Your face is red" Jisoo hadn't been quick enough to voice her thoughts because Rosie had beat her to it. 

The blonde had made the way inside the house and then to the birthday girl, who she engulfed into a quick hug. 

"I- I- ran down the stairs" Jennie said, while returning the blonde's hug.

Since when did Jennie Kim stutter? Jisoo thought. 

"You could have let someone else open the door? I'm sure your parents pay someone to do just that" Jisoo ironically said, deciding to investigate further onto Jennie's odd behavior. 

" I was nearer" 

" didn't you just say you came down the stairs"Jisoo said with a smirk. She wouldn't waste one fo the few occasions she'd get to tease her.

"Yeah! Near the stairs" Jennie replied defensively.

"you're being weird today" Jisoo commented.

"She's always weird on her birthday" Rosè said, shrugging.  
" where's Lisa?" She then questioned.

"Upstairs. I think she had to go to the bathroom" said Jennie. 

She had recomposed herself drastically. Nobody would guess that she had just been into a steamy make out session with her childhood best friend. 

Of course, nobody but her other childhood best friend. 

"I'll go call her" Rosie said before making her way to the fluctuating stairs.

Now Jisoo and Jennie were alone.

Jennie had made her way to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water, probably trying to look busy under Jisoo's inquisitive look. 

"So, did you and Lisa have fun this afternoon?" Jisoo asked.

"I wouldn't call it fun... the girl fell asleep on me"

After noticing Jisoo's look, she added "No, not literally! I went to the bathroom and when I came back she was sleeping" 

But Jisoo wasn't a bitch. No matter how fun it'd be to tease Jennie about the behind the scenes of her relationship with Lisa, she couldn't do it. In her heart she knew it would have been wrong, given her and Chaeyoung's ambiguous situation. 

"Right Jennie, cuddling with your best friend! How monstrous could that be!" Jisoo theatrically said, a hand to her chest for emphasis. 

Okay, maybe she'd tease her just a little bit. 

The duo's conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the other two girls, who were hand in hand. 

The two brunettes didn't fail to notice the twos interlaced hands but were both quick to divert their gazes. 

Jennie and Lisa had yet to lock eyes. For once, the neither of them knew how to behave.  
This time, it had been different. Jennie hadn't expected Lisa to react. Not in that way at least. 

She wasn't used to the blonde taking control. She had thought she wasn't even capable of that, given her submissive nature. But she had proved Jennie wrong not once, but twice already. 

The thought of New Year brought a lot of memories back. Lisa's thigh right on her center, for once. 

Jennie had to force herself to not imagine having Lisa lifting her and kissing her on the kitchen counter. But of course, it was too late. The thought had already run through her system and she had mindlessly started to draw random figures with her fingers on the spotless surface. 

Lisa's attention had been on Jennie' fingers too.

She was pretty sure there was a conversation going on about some girl at school, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Not after what happened that afternoon. Not with Jennie right in front of her, with her eyes apparently full of lust. 

Since Lisa couldn't do anything about it, she proceeded to squeeze Rosè's hand tighter before making her way behind the girl and back hugging her. 

She hoped that being so close to the blonde girl would take her mind off the cat eyed girl and ease the throb between the legs that hadn't left her since earlier in Jennie's room. 

Luckily for her, Rosè was nothing like Jennie. She was skinnier than the brunette and smelled like flowers while Jennie seemed to bathe in Chanel No. 5 each morning. 

Nevertheless, she inhaled the younger's fragrance. It managed to calm her profoundly. Hugging Rosie was warm. It didn't make her heart bounce off her chest, but it was still a pleasurable experience to Lisa. 

With her face still on Rosie's shoulder, she averted a pair of eyes onto her. Jennie didn't look happy about their position.


	15. XIV.

After chatting and gossiping around for a while, they had decided to move to the movie room and watch something.

The seats were organized in three rows. 

The two youngest took the first one, while the other two had to settle for the second.

It had been a while since their seating arrangement had been like that. Usually Rosè and Jisoo took the first row, leaving Lisa and Jennie to share a more reserved second row. 

It had been during sophomore year that things had started to change. While both couples had always shared a special bond, age-wise, Jisoo and Jennie had been more comfortable talking to each other about some things that they knew the younger duo wouldn't fully comprehend. 

But at fifteen, the age gap had reduced significantly, making it possible for the four of them to talk about almost anything together. 

Jisoo and Rosie, along with Jennie and Lisa, had started getting considerably closer to each other. Secret sleep overs at each other houses had been on the regular, afraid to ignite some jealousy on the other counter part. Both unaware that both parts had been doing the same thing. 

Now, or at least until then, it had been normal for all of them to subdivide the way they did: Rosè with Jisoo and Jennie with Lisa. 

That's why Jennie felt a tug at her heart when she saw Lisa and Chaeyoung so close to each other, snuggling together while waiting for the movie to start. 

She was sure Jisoo had felt it too. 

On the other hand, the younger duo had looked unbothered by the situation. It was almost like they had made a silent agreement to act disgustingly sweet towards each other just to make the older girls jealous. 

Maybe their agreement hadn't be so silent. 

When Chaeyoung had made her way upstairs and to Jennie's room she had found a still shirtless Lisa laying on the bed, one arm covering her face. 

Given her friend's distress and compromising position, Chaeyoung knew that every word that would have left her mouth would've been unfitting to the situation in some way.   
So she had laid by Lisa's side and intertwined their hands before saying: 

"It sucks, doesn't it?"

Nobody had paid attention to the movie. Maybe because Jennie had decided to put on Mean Girls which the four of them had seen literally a thousand times or maybe it was because everybody's mind was focused on something else. 

Chaeyoung was laying her head on Lisa's chest while comparing the size of their hands. Both gestures didn't go unnoticed to both Jennie and Jisoo who had never felt more uptight in their entire life. 

"If you don't say something, I will" Jisoo was the first one to voice her thoughts out, not really paying attention to keeping the volume of her whispering low. 

"What are you talking about?" Jennie looked at Jisoo like she had just spoken a foreign language. 

Truth was, the language Jisoo had just spoken was called jealousy and Jennie was fluent in it. 

She was just as good at hiding it, though. 

"You're telling me, none of this bothers you?" Jisoo said while pointing with her finger at the two girls in front of them.

"Why should it bother me?" 

Jennie was so good at pretending her insides weren't actually fuming at the moment that if she could she would high five herself. 

"Never mind, I guess it's just me who finds this whole thing weird" Jisoo sighed. She had hoped she could count on Jennie's fierceness to do the job for her, but it turned out she had been wrong. 

"If I'm not wrong, you're the one who told me that there was nothing wrong about two best friends cuddling together" Jennie said with a daring look. 

"What are you, catholic?" Jennie kept mocking her friend, knowing too damn well that Jisoo was not only not catholic, but a lesbian too. 

"I can't with you, sometimes." Jisoo answered laughing, before adding " you're lucky it's your birthday or else I would have smacked you in the head right now."

"You would never, you love me too much. Plus, I solve all of your problems" Jennie had said, her face adorned with a gummy smile. 

"Like?" 

"Like this one" Jennie said before standing up and making her way to the sofa were the two younger girls were seated. 

She had stood next to them without uttering a word for a few seconds. Her presence alone was enough to intimidate Rosé, who not so slowly let go of Lisa's hand and distanced a bit from her. 

Lisa, on the other hand kept her other arm around Chaeyoung and shuffled her closer again when she had tried to scoot over. With a determined look on her face, she stared right back at Jennie who still hadn't said a word. 

" Lisa" Jennie said sternly. 

"Yes?" the younger answered while maintaining eye-contact. She looked like she had no intention on moving from her current position.

"I need your help with a thing." 

"What thing?" 

"A thing. Now follow me" 

Lisa knew better than to deny a request to Jennie, especially on her birthday. So she complied to her friend's request and stood up. 

She couldn't notice, however, the look Jennie had shot at Chaeyoung before she left the room with Lisa by her side. 

Just like that, the two girls were left alone. 

With the awkward aura that seemed to fill the room like tear gas, Jisoo and Chaeyoung stayed still at their current seats, pretending to watch the movie.

None of them seemed to make a move, both hopeful that Jennie and Lisa would come back soon. 

When the "thing" Jennie had asked Lisa to help her with, seemed to take longer than intended, Chaeyoung was the first to break.

Before speaking, she had to awkwardly shuffle in her seat and look behind her, where Jisoo was busy pretending to ignore her by keeping her eyes straight to the screen in front of them. 

"Jisoo" the blonde tried testing the water. 

Once again, the older feigned ignorance. 

"Please, look at me" Chaeyoung said, a bit of desperation in her voice.   
She knew lately hadn't been easy dealing with her friend, but she also didn't expected things to escalate like this. 

"I didn't mean what I said in the car" 

"I don't deserve a friend like you" 

Maybe it was the word friend that just rubbed her the wrong way, or maybe it was how carelessly the blonde had pronounced the word, like she had really meant it, but Jisoo suddenly turned her head to look back at Chaeyoung. 

"No, you don't" was all she said. 

"I know. I just have really been going through it lately and I realized I've made mistakes with you and-" 

Jisoo cut her off. 

"You think you're the only one who's been going through it Chaeng? You think that gives you the right to treat people like shit?" 

"I think you have a lot of thinking and discovering and figuring yourself out to do. But guess what? You're gonna have to do it on your own. Because I can't keep picking you up every time you fall, I'm just done with that." The brunette kept going. 

There was a short silence, before Jisoo said, the sadness in her voice tangible: 

"Cause nobody's picking me up"

Even though her heart ached at saying those things out loud, it also felt incredibly freeing.   
Jisoo had been well aware of her feelings for the younger girl for a while now, but she was just now coming to terms with how much those said feelings actually ran so deep inside her that they were almost eating her alive.   
She realized she couldn't keep going like that, not in the name of an unrequited love.

Chaeng and her needed some time apart, both physically and emotionally.   
She didn't need to see her everyday and be reminded of how shiny her hair was and how she'd die to run her hands through it.   
She didn't need to know how she was, knowing she wasn't the cause behind her smiles, her laughs and, selfishly, her cries too. 

Chaeyoung hadn't dared to move. Too scared that every action she'd make, or every word she'd say would just increase the distance between them. 

So she kept quiet. Like always. 

Unaware of the decisiveness that her best friends' words actually had, she had let her go without even knowing it.


	16. XV.

Lisa had followed Jennie around her house, still unsure on where Jennie was taking her.   
But the brunette didn't turn around once, she just kept walking silently through the infinite hallways of the house. Even when no one was around, Lisa observed, her walk radiated confidence. 

Lisa kept her eyes on her the whole time, entranced by the brunette's silhouette, knowing that even if she was to take her to the gates of hell, she'd still follow her. Willingly.

Jennie stopped in front of a white door at the second floor. Lisa knew where it took. 

"Don't tell me you're bringing me to the rooftop" 

Jennie didn't answer, she just turned her head slightly towards Lisa and threw her the most genuine smirk she had ever seen on the girl. 

"Jen, it's January. We're gonna freeze our asses off" Lisa kept talking even while they were making their way up the stairs. 

"Or better, I'll freeze myself to death, while you and your weird bionic genes will chill outside like there aren't twenty degrees" 

Something that Lisa had noticed and had always envied of Jennie, among other things, was her resistance to cold. The brunette just never seemed to get cold whatsoever. That's why Lisa used to jokingly call her her personal heater.

Jennie still hadn't answered but Lisa kept herself from complaining any further since she was already short of breath from the long set of stairs. 

Once they made it to the top they had to open yet another door that'd get them into the rooftop. 

It was clear that it wasn't used much. The brand new outside furniture that the Kims had bought with the house were still covered with big plastic sheets, preventing them from getting ruined. 

But certainly only the weather and not human activity could have done that. In a place where the summers were too hot to breathe and the winters too cold to go outside, those fancy plastic sofas had never had the pleasure of being seated on. 

The only thing that had been used a couple times was the Jacuzzi that stood in the corner of the space. Lisa remembered when the year before on Jennie's birthday the four of them had had the crazy idea of going to the rooftop in their bikinis and launching themselves into the hot water. 

Lisa was too lost on reminiscing last year's event that she almost missed how Jennie stood beside her, staring, for the second time that day, into nothing. 

A small puff of breath periodically left Jennie's slightly parted lips. Her chest was going up and down regularly, leaving nothing to indicate that she was standing outside in January with only her shirt on. 

Lisa, on the other hand, was feeling the cold in every ounce of her being. She was sure that if her hair could talk they'd be screaming for bloody murder right now. It wasn't a while before she started shiver. The only noise detectable, her teeth grinding on each other. 

"You can hug me if you're cold, you know" Jennie said, always keeping her cool. 

"I'm... good" Lisa managed to say between a shiver.

Jennie didn't say anything, she just took a step towards Lisa, placed herself in front of her before wrapping the blonde's arm around her waist. 

Because of their height difference, the position worked perfectly. And Lisa hated that. 

But at the same time, having Jennie in her arms like that felt too good to be true. Inhaling the older's fragrance she felt protected even though, in that position, it should have been the contrary. 

After having the girl's warmth radiating off her, Lisa felt confident enough to speak without being interrupted by an unwanted shiver. 

"Why are we here?" 

Jennie took thirty seconds to answer the question. She seemed to have been thinking about it deeply before answering. 

"You used to write me a letter every year for my birthday. This year, you didn't" 

So she noticed, Lisa thought while letting out a sigh.

"I just thought it was starting to get too childish of a thing to do" Lisa said, her breath hitting Jennie's left cheek. 

"I really liked them, Lili" Jennie said before proceeding to give a gentle squeeze to the hands around her waist. 

"I liked the words you used. They were like snowflakes" Jennie paused a moment before adding "You're like snowflakes".

"Because I'm white in winter ?" Lisa jokingly said. She couldn't lie and say she wasn't intrigued with what Jennie had meant, but at the same time she had hoped to throw the brunette off of the conversation a bit. Usually, when Jennie got pensive, things were never looking good for Lisa. Or for their friendship.

"Because everybody thinks you're always the same, but if you take a closer look you actually have infinite forms. Every day you're different, Lis. And I notice that. Even when you think I'm not looking, I already did".

Lisa, of course, couldn't get herself to say anything. But Jennie knew how she wasn't good with words, so she spoke for her.

"This is all to tell you that I know you even when you don't know yourself. And the same goes for you. That's why I'm counting on you to tell me because I really have no idea right now". Jennie's usual composed voice had the slightest change towards the end of the sentence. 

Lisa knew that the vulnerability she was able to see in Jennie that day was the cause of many factors, her parents absence for once, but she wasn't about to throw it away. No matter how much it scared her. 

Even though the slight tremble in her voice was almost too humanly impossible to catch, Lisa did. And she knew that what Jennie needed, but would never be willing to admit it, was reassurance. 

So she turned Jennie around so that now she was facing her. Her hands found her face, which was slightly wet from the tears the brunette had unknowingly shed. 

"I know you. I know your stubbornness. I know your feistiness. I know your motivation. But most importantly I know your kindness. And your heart". Lisa had said while placing a hand on the older's chest, right where her heart was beating. 

Lisa smiled softly when she noticed that her best friends heartbeat had picked up when she had put her hand on her. 

Lisa had seemed to forget all about the cold, her mind too consumed with the girl that was standing a few inches away from her. 

With their foreheads now touching, she couldn't say who had started to lean in first. She just knew they were both dangerously making their way to each other, none of them caring that it was January and they were on a rooftop with only their shirt on. Or that they had left their two other best friends alone in the movie room. Or that Jennie's mum was now making her way upstairs after having found the door open. 

"Ruby Jane!" Jennie's mother yelled. "Get inside right now before you get sick!"

Lisa didn't miss the panic that had seemed to freeze Jennie more than the cold had managed to do, while she quickly jumped away from her and made her way inside. 

None of the three had said anything while descending the stairs, which only caused Lisa's brain to go absolutely insane. 

Why wasn't Mrs. Kim gelling right now? Had she seen anything? If yes, how long had she seen?

Once they had made it downstairs, Jennie's mum finally talked.   
"I don't know what's in that head of yours to go outside in this weather, Ruby Jane" she had said while shaking her head vigorously and still managing to make it look elegant.

There was an elegance in Jennie's mother that Lisa recognized in her best friend. The two looked a lot alike, too. That's why Lisa always felt intimidated under Mrs Kim's gaze. Which was now onto her.

"And you, Lalisa, I always thought you were so good at keeping Jennie on her feet and not giving in to any crazy idea of hers" 

"I'm sorry Mrs. Kim" was all Lisa could bring herself to say. 

Jennie still hadn't made a sound or proved that she was actually listening to her mother's words and not dissociating. 

"What were you two doing on the roof anyways?"

"We were watching the snowflakes" Jennie finally answered. 

"Ruby jane, you're impossible. Wait till your father hears about what you do in our absence". 

" so you mean always?" Jennie had shot back, her fierce look back on. 

"Watch your tone, young lady. I didn't raise you to speak back like this" 

"You didn't raise me to speak at all. Sometimes I think you and dad would be better off with a doll instead of a daughter!" 

"I'm not causing a scene in front of your friend. We'll discuss this over dinner with your father".

"As if he's gonna show up" 

Lisa had watched Mrs. Kim's forehead vein pop up after Jennie's words. She knew she must be doing everything in her will to keep her composure even after Jennie's daring words.

"I'll.. go and reach the others" Lisa had awkwardly said.

Before moving, Jennie's hand stopped her and said "I'll come with you".

On their way back to the movie room, Lisa had tried studying Jennie's expression to regulate her next words on. Since she was found with her usual blank expression she tried saying: 

"I'm sorry for getting you in trouble with your mum"

"It wasn't your fault. Plus, she would have found something to be mad at me for anyways"

Lisa tried to come up with something to say but it seemed like her mind had gone blank. Afraid that her words would be unfitting for the brunette's delicate relationship with her parents, she chose silence.

Before entering the room where their friends were waiting for them, Lisa tried looking at Jennie one last time. The latter obviously didn't glance back at her. The breech of vulnerability that she had let herself show that day was now closed and her walls were back high.


	17. XVI.

Jennie's birthday party was rapidly approaching and, in the days prior to it, the brunette seemed to be too occupied with its organization to notice anything that was happening around her. 

And with Jennie's "absence", it seemed like the group had distanced itself. 

They no longer ate lunch together nor waited for each other at the end of the lessons.   
For a short period of time, it felt like those fifteen years of friendship had vanished in a couple of seconds, leaving behind four extremely confused but-too-proud-to-say-anything girls. 

It wasn't like nobody of them had failed to notice it, they just chose to ignore the situation, like they were used to doing with a lot of their other problems. 

Jisoo had seen Jennie and Rosé talking in the hallway one day, but she was quick to do a u-turn and avert the girls. That was about the most interaction her and Rosé had after Jennie's birthday. 

Even though she was the one who had called their friendship quits, she couldn't help but be a little hurt that Chaeyoung hadn't tried contacting or approaching her in any way.   
It made her think that maybe the blonde was happy about the situation. Or that she hadn't understood the seriousness behind her words that night at Jennie's house.

Lisa, on the other hand, had taken Jennie's lack of presence in the last days as an opportunity to clear her head and try to focus on school for once. 

That's why she scheduled a session with Soojin. 

She had found herself weirdly looking forward to it, her eyes glancing at the clock on her last period classroom a little too much to camouflage it as wanting to go home. 

They had agreed to meet in the school library after school. 

Lisa, who had skipped lunch to avoid Jennie, decided to pass by the cafe just outside of the school perimeters to grab something to eat. And maybe a coffee for the girl who was probably already waiting for her at the library. 

That would make up for her being late, she though and hoped.

As soon as she stepped inside the coffee shop she noticed two familiar figures in the back, chatting and drinking coffee. 

The girl had her back on her, so she couldn't quite make out who she was, but as soon as she heard the sound of ice hitting hard plastic when the girl carelessly moved the cup in circular motions, Lisa froze. 

Iced coffee. Jennie's drink. The only person who would order such drink on January and actually enjoy it. 

The other person she was with was Taehyung.

Another reason to avoid them, Lisa thought while scoffing.

When the person in line in front of her was finally done with their order, she quickly took their place and ordered, careful not to speak too loud. 

She waited a couple of minutes, staring so hard at the menu that was hanged behind the barista station that she had it almost memorized. 

Everything was going according plans, all she had left to do was quietly take her orders when they'd call her name and leave. 

"Two coffees, one muffin for Lisa! I repeat Lisa!" The barista almost shouted. 

Lisa's face became red. 

How could she be so stupid to give her name. Jisoo was right, she truly was dumb sometimes. Lisa thought, before hurriedly going to take her order and prevent the loud barista to shout her name one more time. 

"Lisa!" A male voice called for her. This time, though, it didn't come from the barista. 

Taehyung had stood up from his chair and indicated for Lisa to make her way where he was with a movement of his hand. 

Busted. 

The girl had no choice but grabbing her stuff and moving towards his table. 

Jennie only turned her head when the blonde was right next to her, awkwardly standing with two coffees on one hand and the muffin on the other.

She greeted both of them, without looking at Jennie directly. Lisa adverted the brunette's eyes on her, shooting holes on the side of her head. 

It's not like she had been purposely avoiding Jennie. It was more like she was avoiding Jennie avoiding her. 

She knew that after her mum had caught them on the rooftop in a quite compromising position, Jennie would have had some sort of passive aggressive fight with her mother once the other three girls had left the house. 

And if she knew Jennie well enough like she thought she did, the brunette would have avoided her about it. And she had been right. 

"What are you doing here?" Taehyung asked her with a smile.

As usual, he was oblivious about the tension between the two best friends. 

"Oh, you know, just came by to grab something to eat since I haven't had lunch yet" Lisa said, bringing up slightly the bag with the muffin inside. 

"Who's the other coffee for?" The boy asked with the tiniest amount of mischievousness. 

Jennie's eyes had already noticed the inconsistency in Lisa's story and order but, being too proud to ask Lisa, she felt grateful at Taehyung for unknowingly asking the question for her. 

"Ehm.. for my tutor. I'm meeting with her in a few minutes." Lisa wasn't quick enough to come up with a lie, so she chose to tell the truth. 

"Actually I'm probably late already. It was nice seeing you guys, I'll-"

She was cut off once again by Taehyung. 

"Wait. What did you say the girl's name was?" 

"What girl?" Lisa asked with a confused look on her face. 

"The one who's tutoring you. Jennie told me she's a junior" 

The information that Taehyung had left slipping didn't go unnoticed to Lisa. 

Jennie had been talking about her tutor, the one she still hadn't properly met herself, with Taehyung? 

"Oh." She said while throwing a glance at Jennie who was now staring at her cup of coffee in front of her. " Her name's Soojin". 

"My guy from the basketball team, Hui, has a thing for her so why don't you bring her to Jen's party?" 

"What do you think, Jen?" He then added, while turning his head to meet the brunette's eyes.

"Why not? Bring her. I wanna meet her too." Jennie's lips curved into a smile that didn't really reach her eyes. She stared blankly back at Lisa.

Jennie's words had something dangerous to them. To Lisa, they felt like a dare. 

"I don't think she's the type to go to a senior party where she doesn't know anyone" Lisa tried to get out of the conversation.

"She'll know you! And Hui." Taehyung said with his usual smirk.

Lisa felt a sudden wave of discomfort at what Taehyung's words implied. Could it be possible she felt weirdly protective of a girl she basically just met? 

"Alright, I'll talk to her about it, but I'm not promising anything" Lisa accepted defeated, not really sure whether she was actually gonna go through with the request. 

"I really gotta go now, see you later" she said before sprinting out of the shop.

Jennie didn't bother to say bye to her. 

On the other side of the road that Lisa was crossing to get back inside the school, stood Chaeyoung. She was waiting for Loren to pick her up but, as usual, he was late. 

Having forgotten her earphones at home, she was boring herself to death. 

When half an hour had passed, Rosé had already memorized the car plate of almost every car parked near her. 

While looking around, she spotted two brunette girls exiting the school's gate. 

Her heart picked up her rate. One of the girl was Jisoo. 

Even in her uniform, Rosé thought she looked unique. Instead of the same boring shoes school everyone was required to wear, Jisoo was sporting light blue sneakers. She knew it was against the school dress code, but she also knew Jisoo didn't care and would probably say something along the lines of "I'm not wearing no nun shoes" to anybody who'd have something to say to her. 

That made Rosé chuckle. 

But a sudden wave of sadness hit her when she remembered the words her best friend had told her a few days prior. The same words that were keeping her from talking to her or making her way to her in that exact moment. 

The two girls had stopped in front of the coffee shop, waiting to order in the long queue that had formed. They were both laughing and snickering, softly pushing themselves around. 

Rosé didn't recognize the other girl. She looked somehow familiar but she couldn't tell if she actually knew her. The fact was, Rosie had always been quite shy with her peers. Girls, especially, intimidated her. That's why she had always been grateful to have her girls around since day one. She had never had to worry about making new friends because she already had her "family". 

If the others could her thoughts right now, they'd probably call her soft for referring to her best friends as family. But that was exactly how she felt about them. 

She couldn't fathom the thought of losing them. 

That's why, when Jisoo eyes spotted her from afar, Chaeyoung smiled back softy, glaring at her with a look that meant more than a thousand words. 

Jisoo stared back for a few second with a serious expression on her face before averting her eyes suddenly and taking the girl next to her by her arm and inside the shop. 

Tears fell down Chaeyoung's face in Loren's car later. The music inside her car was too loud for her boyfriend to hear or care about her sobs.


	18. XVII.

When Lisa finally reached the library she was breathless. She wasn't sure if it was because of the running she had to do or the sight that she found in front of her. 

Soojin had chosen one of the table next to the windows. The afternoon sun was hitting her skin while she was reading a book. She didn't seem bothered by it, though. The girl looked at peace, like she was in her element . 

Lisa shook her head slightly, trying to get herself out of the weird moment she just had, and made her way to Soojin's table. 

"Hi. I'm sorry I'm late" she said, while standing next to the girl who, after hearing her voice, turned her head slightly to look at the person who was intruding her reading. 

"Hi" Soojin said, shuffling in her seat, before adding " it's fine. I had my book with me"

"Oh. What were you reading?" Lisa said, a smile on her flustered face, while she took a seat in front of the girl.

"Fingersmith" the girl replied. Her voice slightly above a whisper.

When Lisa looked at her with confusion on her face, Soojin added.

"Have you ever watched The Handmaiden?" 

This time, it was Lisa's turn to get embarrassed. She had indeed watched the movie with Jisoo, after the latter had begged her to go with her. Lisa had feigned annoyance at the request but, after watching the movie, she would lie if she said she didn't enjoy it the slightest. In fact, she enjoyed it a lot. 

She remembered being so entranced by the movie. Both for its scenography and the extremely talented actors. But what seemed to have struck her the most was Hideko's character. Her coldness, her composure and elegance reminded her of a certain someone in her life who shared the same exact characteristics. 

Lisa nodded, not trusting her own voice to reveal her embarrassment. 

"Well, this is the book the movie is inspired from" Soojin said. 

Lisa connected the dots after a few seconds. The younger girl had not only seen the movie but was also reading the book it's inspired from? Could it be possible that the she was-

Lisa's thoughts were interrupted by Soojin's soft voice that asked her what argument she wanted to go over that day. 

Lisa pushed all her intrusive thoughts aside and let the their session finally begin. 

She was surprised at how smart and good at explaining the younger girl had revealed herself to be. Lisa couldn't help but look at her with an admiring gaze whenever she was able to solve analysis level problems in a few steps.

During their session, she would catch the brunette looking at her too but quickly averting her gaze each time. 

At one point, while the brunette had instructed her to do some exercises alone, Lisa accidentally touched Soojin's foot with her own. 

She mumbled a quiet sorry, which the brunette simply shyly smiled to. 

After a few minutes Lisa was surprised to feel Soojin's own foot sliding up her leg and lingering there for a movement almost too quick to register. But Lisa noticed it.

The taller girl had glanced up towards Soojin who was busy reading her book, expecting her to apologize for what Lisa thought was an accident, like hers had been. 

It turned out she was wrong. Soojin's eyes avoided Lisa's and stayed focus on her reading instead while her cheeks turned pink. 

Lisa couldn't help herself but be amused by the younger's unexpected boldness. 

Was the girl really playing footsie with her at the school library or was her mind playing her right now? 

Lisa decided to do the contrary of whatever she would do in such situations: she decided to play along.   
She didn't know what possessed her mind to do it, but she found herself slowly moving her left leg forward, brushing it on the brunette's right one.

An unfamiliar excitement rushed through her. She didn't know why, but she felt a weird sense of completeness at the moment. 

The setting sun was giving the room a new atmosphere. Its rays hitting the girl's face in front of her and giving her skin a glowing tone. The warmth emitting from the contact of their legs kept her grounded and on cloud nine at the same time. The peaceful silence that had settled between them went harmoniously along with the one of the room they were in. Living in the moment never felt better to Lisa. 

No worries. No fears. No jealousy. 

No Jennie. 

It felt incredibly freeing to Lisa to not have her thoughts occupied by the brunette. And it felt even weirder that she didn't wish the girl was here, maybe occupying the other girl's place. 

She sighed and looked at Soojin who, for the first time that afternoon, had the courage to stare back at her. Lisa felt content with herself. 

Suddenly, someone clearing their throat brought them back to reality. 

Lisa didn't have to turn to know who would be right behind her. Nevertheless, she did it. 

Jennie was staring at the two of them, who had yet to move apart from their position, with what resembled a lot a death glare. 

"What are you doing here?" Lisa was the first to speak. 

"I'm offering you a ride home. Unless your new friend already did". Jennie's tone would seem sweet to any outsider, but Lisa knew her too well to not spot the sarcasm in her voice. 

Soojin seemed to pick up the tension between the two older girls and moved back into her seat, reinstating the gap between Lisa and her. 

Noticing the movement, Jennie's eyes fixed on the younger girl.

"I'm Jennie" she introduced herself, while looking up and down the girl.

"Soojin" the girl answered while nervously fidgeting with her fingers. 

"Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you." Jennie said with the fakest smile Lisa had ever seen on her, before she added "so, can I count you in for this Friday?"

Fuck, Lisa thought. She forgot to ask Soojin about the party. 

When Soojin looked at Jennie with confusion, the older looked at Lisa before saying " what? Lili forgot to tell you about it?" 

"Jennie's birthday party's on Friday, I wanted to ask you if you'd like to come" Lisa said to Soojin, her tone of voice defeated. 

She hated that her invite had probably sounded forced, but that was the best she could do with Jennie looking down on her like she was being tested. 

"oh... I don't know. Are you gonna be there?" Soojin asked Lisa with uncertainty on her face. 

"of course she's gonna be there. Lisa's my best friend" Jennie answered for Lisa. 

The blonde nodded at Soojin, ignoring how heavy her heart felt at the slightest moment of indecision Lisa had caught that Jennie had before pronouncing the words "best friend". 

"Thanks for inviting me" the younger girl replied, her eyes meeting Lisa's for a second before going back to Jennie. 

"You didn't have to wait for me" 

Lisa and Jennie were on the back seats of Jennie's car while the brunette's driver was taking both of them home. 

"Taehyung was helping me out with the party but it ended up taking longer than intended so I thought I'd see if you were still at the library"

Lisa nodded and let out a feeble thanks, before returning her stare outside the car window. 

The traffic of the city was always the worst at this hour.

She sighed, wishing she had taken the subway to go home like she usually did. She'd have avoided complicating things with Jennie even more before her birthday, like it seemed to do every time they talked.

"She's pretty"

"Who?" Lisa kept looking outside even though the car had come to a stop and didn't seem to move any moment. 

"The junior girl" 

"Her name's Soojin" 

"Whatever" Jennie answered, not sparing an eye roll which didn't go unnoticed by Lisa who had turned her head to look at the brunette after her remark. 

"What's your problem Jennie?"

Lisa wasn't sure wether it was her friend's bitchiness or how she had stormed in the library and made the younger girl uncomfortable, but she felt a rage building up inside her that she knew she couldn't ignore. 

"What's my problem?" Jennie answered. 

The grin on the girl's face only made Lisa's annoyance grow. She knew that Jennie would never be tired about this game, whatever it was, they had going on.   
What irritated Lisa the most, though, was how she knew that she'd never win against her. 

"Yes. Your problem! Why do you always act like a bitch every time I get a new friend?" 

"I do?" Jennie said in an innocent tone.

"Don't play dumb with me, Ruby Jane. I'm not falling for this shit anymore. The least you could do is acknowledge it!" 

"Don't fucking call me that" Jennie had said while gritting her teeth. She wasn't yelling like Lisa was. She never shouted when they fought. She always managed to keep her composure even when Lisa's words cut deeper than knives, like they did this time.

If there was something that made Jennie go insane was being called by her full name, like her parents did. Lisa knew it. And she took advantage of it. 

"Then you stop acting like... this!" Lisa's state was too agitated to even find the words to express her thoughts. 

"Like what?" 

"Like you're jealous!" Lisa had said the words all in one breath, as quickly as tearing off a bandaid. Her words hadn't been as painless, though. 

Jennie froze. Her eyes turned dark like that afternoon in her room. But Lisa knew it wasn't because of the same motive. 

The brunette had pressed a button on the side of her seat. After a few second the glass that divided the front from the back of the car started sliding down. 

"Stop the car at the next intersection" 

Jennie's cold voice ordered the driver who, without questioning, answered "Yes, Miss."

The brunette turned the divisor back up. 

When the car silently came to a stop at the side of the road, Lisa gulped. 

"Get out of the car" Jennie said while keeping her head straight in front of her. 

"Jennie, come on, you can't be serious right now" 

"I am. Get out" 

"Jennie" Lisa tried calling the older name, in an attempt to make her realize how much she was overreacting. 

But the brunette didn't answer. No matter how much Lisa would stare at her, she knew Jennie had taken her decision. And there was no turning back now. 

So Lisa slowly unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the car door before getting out. 

When her feet hit the pavement, she was engulfed by the noises and the smell of the city. 

As soon as Lisa closed the door, the car started moving again. 

She tried giving a last look to Jennie, but all she found was her mirrored self staring back at her on the blackened window.


	19. XVIII.

It was Friday night. 

Lisa had been debating all day wether to go to the party to not, considering her fight with Jennie that ended with her standing alone in the middle of the city at night.

She had had to call a taxi to get herself home in a non suspicious time. She knew she couldn't have handled fighting with her mum too that day. 

The days after the fight, Jennie and her had completely avoided each other's existence, both of them still too mad to even consider talking about it. 

Skipping the party would be Lisa's way to go; but at the same time there was a voice in the back of her head that told her that doing that could be the end of their friendship for real this time. 

Still, questions like "does she even want me to go?" Or "what if she tells me to get out of the house like she did in her car?" haunted Lisa during her every awaken moment. 

She also knew that not going would worsen not only her personal relationship with Jennie, but also the one with the group, which could not heal from something like this. Jennie's birthday party was the only thing keeping the girls from not avoiding each other completely.

Plus, she had already told Soojin she'd go. And for some weird reason, it didn't feel right to stand the girl up like that. Also, knowing she would be thrown into that Hui guy's arms made Lisa slightly uncomfortable. 

What had really brought her to start dressing up and doing her hair that evening, had been Jisoo. She had showed up to her house unexpectedly, like she usually did, with all her stuff and announced she needed Lisa to do her hair since she sucked at it. 

Lisa had laughed, not before making space on the bathroom counter for her friend's things. 

It were moments like these that made her realize how lucky she had been to find her people and be able to grow up with them. She couldn't imagine a life without them. And honestly, she didn't want to. 

So she started doing her and Jisoo's make up the best she could. She wanted the both of them to look pretty for their best friend's birthday. 

"You look really pretty, Jisoo" Lisa said while applying the older's mascara.

"Nah, don't go all gay on me, Lisa. You know we don't do that" Jisoo said. While her words had come out with a serious tone, the both of them couldn't help burst out laughing together.

"God knows there's enough drama in this group already" the older added, while letting out a small puff of air from her mouth. 

"So, you noticed?" Lisa sighed.

"Girl, if you don't recall, I am a part of this group. You and Jennie seem to want to jump each other's bones or throats, I still can't decide. Probably both." 

For a moment, Lisa's hand froze mid air. She had always naively thought that her friends wouldn't be aware of what was going on with her and Jennie. Probably because for a lot of time Jennie had made her feel, actually she still did, like there was nothing going on with them and it was all inside her head. 

So to feel someone acknowledging the situation felt scary, but also incredibly reassuring. She hadn't been dreaming after all. 

"I can say the same for you and Chaeng"

"There's no me and Chaeng" Jisoo said firmly.

"I know you had a fight, but it's gonna be alright like always. Don't be dramatic." Lisa had said while moving to the girl's mouth to apply lipstick

"I'm not being drammatic" Jisoo said, her words coming out muffled. "I don't think we can come back from this this time. She needs to figure stuff out on her own. And she can't do that if I'm always there to help her out. She needs to make her mistakes, realize them and solve them on her own" 

Lisa felt surprised at how rehearsed Jisoo's speech felt.

"Do you tell this to yourself to sleep better?" Lisa half mocked her. She didn't want to make fun of the situation, but she also wanted to shine light on the fact that Jisoo's take on all this thing might be too harsh. 

"Chaeng's still growing up. She's dealing with stuff we've dealt with a long time ago. And not because she's not mature but because we're all different and we each take our time."  
Lisa said while smiling softly at Jisoo. She was now applying the finishing touches on the brunette's face. 

"You know. For how I see things, I think Chaeng's is kind of going through a rebellious phase. She needs to separate from what she has known all of her life, aka us, and explore new things that she thinks will help her understand who she is. It's kind of like when you're 13 and you start to think your parents are losers. Ten years later, you call your mum for the slightest inconvenience".

"Please don't tell me you've just compared me to Chaeng's mum," Jisoo said while pretending to throw up on the sink. 

Lisa laughed once again at her friend's mannerism. 

"Who knows, she might be into that". Lisa kept teasing her. 

"I can't believe I already feel sick tonight and it's not because of the alcohol".

Once they arrived to Jennie's party, it was already a full house. 

Outside of the main entrance, there were people smoking and talking. But that couldn't have prepared them for the absolute madness that was inside. 

Barely being able to move, hundreds of people filled every inch of Jennie's humongous house. 

"This is crazy" Lisa could hear Jisoo say before grabbing her hand and leading the way through drunk bodies towards the kitchen. 

They hoped to find the birthday girl since she was the sole reason they were at this party.   
Luckily, they did. 

Leaning on one counter, was Jennie in all her glory.

She looked absolutely stunning, was all Lisa had been able to think. 

She was wearing a red silk dress that left her back uncovered. Long brown hair had been let down, moving in waves accordingly to Jennie's head movements. A simple eyeliner accentuated her already cat-like eyes and the red of her lips matched the one of her dress. 

Lisa was too busy to take in the girl's appearance that she had failed to notice the guy that was chatting with her until their arrive: Kai. 

Jisoo was the one to make the first move, side hugging Jennie and whispering "happy birthday, girl" on her ear. 

Lisa, on the other hand, had made no move towards the brunette. She still didn't know how to behave. The thoughts of the brunette's harsh words and even coldest eyes when she made Lisa get out of the car were keeping her frozen on her place. 

Going to the party had already been the first move for Lisa. 

"You came" was all Jennie said to Lisa. There was no surprise, nor excitement in her voice. She was just stating a fact. 

Lisa nodded. After that, Jennie took Kai's hand and started leading him into the living room. 

" if you'll excuse us, I need Kai's help with an ice emergency" Jennie said, avoding Lisa's eyes and speaking directly to Jisoo. 

Lisa couldn't believe it. Jennie had been the one who had left her at the side of the road after offering her a ride home, yet Lisa was the one who was being treated like she had done something wrong. All she had done was accusing the older girl of being jealous. How despicable of her. 

Jisoo watched her with a knowing gaze, before she asked her something she knew Lisa would never say no to:

"Wanna drink?"


	20. XIX.

Jennie didn't know how she had found herself in her room with Kai. 

She didn't know how she was letting her neck being kissed and the hem of her dressed being risen up. 

She didn't know why muffled moans weren't leaving her mouth. Or why Kai's heavy breathing wasn't turning her on. 

Yet, she had been so determined to make herself enjoy this. She needed to prove something. To the world. To her friends. But mostly, to herself. That she was straight and definitely didn't feel anything for her best friend. 

Kai's strong hands kept Jennie close to him while he was grinding his excitement onto Jennie's thigh. 

Jennie complied, slowly rolling the bones of her hips on him, still feeling nothing. 

Irritation and desperation were starting to mix with Jennie's sweaty skin when she tugged at Kai's shirt and told him to be rougher. 

All that gentleness wasn't helping her not think about the only person she knew she'd rather be doing this with. 

Still, she couldn't allow herself to think about her. 

She couldn't digest the fact that she'd have to think about her childhood best friend to get off with the guy who was once her boyfriend. Someone she should have felt something for. Especially in a situation like this. 

Even though Kai, being a guy, had never really been a fan of foreplay, he still found himself incredulous at Jennie's request. 

Figuring it might have been the alcohol speaking, he went through with it.

With a quick motion of his hand, he had risen the desperate girl's dress to her mid-belly, leaving her panties exposed. 

When Jennie was still begging him to be harsher with her, Kai knew that there was something wrong with the girl that day, but pushed the thought aside and kept doing what the birthday girl had instructed. 

When Kai went to get read of her undergarment, Jennie put one hand on top of his and said:

"Rip them" 

And so he did. 

Next thing, he was inside her. Moving to Jennie frantic pace. Who begged him. And begged him. And begged him again. 

She didn't know wether her begs were intended to the boy who was on top of her or to someone else altogether. Someone that could fix her. 

Because there was no way she didn't need that when she felt so broken. 

With her hands still gripping tightly Kai's shirt, who hadn't had the time to take it off, she forced herself one last time to feel something that wasn't the light pain that was spreading in her lower abdomen. 

Desperation could be found in her every movement. 

It was only when she granted herself the possibility of thinking of Lisa that she finally let go. 

Lisa's petite but strong figure. Lisa's hair tickling her skin. Lisa's strong back. Lisa's long and slender fingers. Lisa's skin on hers. 

Lisa. 

When she finally came down from her high she noticed that Kai wasn't inside her anymore. With his arms around each side of her head, he was looking at her. Confusion was written all over his face. 

Jennie couldn't be aware of the cause of his emotion because it felt like she had completely blacked out. 

It was only when she went to the bathroom to recompose herself that she found out the reason. Her hair were a mess and her make up was all smudged. But, when she brought a hand to her face and it came back wet, she knew. 

She had been crying all along. 

It was Rosé who had found her crumbled on the floor, loud sobs ripping through her chest. 

"Jennie, what happened?" The blonde asked while she moved frantically to the crying girl's side. 

In all the years of her friendship, Chaeyoung was sure she had never seen the brunette looking this broken. Not in front of her, at least. 

Jennie didn't answer her, still too preoccupied with her own tears and self deprecating thoughts. 

All Rosie wanted to do was take the girls in her arms, until she'd calm down at least. But given Jennie's erratic breath she knew she couldn't do it. It would have just gotten her panic to increase. 

So she sit next to her and took her head on her lap while she stroke her hair in an attempt to get the girl out of her panic attack. 

She even sang her her favorite song in her ear, even though she wasn't completely sure the brunette had heard her, given the deafening music pumping through the aux downstairs. 

"It's all gonna be okay" the blonde kept whispering. 

She didn't know wether she was telling that to Jennie or to herself. 

After a while, the brunette seemed to have regained the strength to at least get herself into a sitting position. 

"I'm a horrible person, Chaeng" 

"You're not" Chaeyoung didn't need to know the reasons behind the older's words. She knew that what Jennie was struggling with, ran below the surface.

"I fucking hate myself" Jennie said while palming her face with her hands, not caring about her make up. It was already smudged anyway.

Rosie kept quiet. What could you say to something like that. "Don't"? 

The blonde placed her right hand on Jennie's knees and moved her thumb in a reassuring pattern. 

She was there to listen to her, not judge her.

"The only person I ever... felt something for." The brunette kept going. Her words coming out in waves and without a real logic to them.

Chaeyoung noticed the lack of the term "love" but to be honest, she had never hear her friend use it with anyone.

"I fucked up. I keep fucking up"

"I think Kai is still pretty into you, you know" 

The brunette seemed to stiffen at the boy's name. She kept silent for a few seconds before saying, with her eyes staring blankly in front of her: 

"I'm not talking about Kai" 

Rosé wasn't sure who they were talking about. But she also couldn't bring herself to ask the brunette. If she didn't want to say the name of the person, so be it. 

"Maybe it's not too late" Chaeyoung tried to say what seemed to fit the situation better. 

Talking to Jennie about her personal life was like walking in a dark room. You could be turning on the lights, but walking around hoping to not hit against something seemed the most considerate thing to do. 

Jennie kept silent and shook her head slowly. Her eyes like two lifeless orbits when she said: 

"I need a drink"

Truth was Jennie needed and longed for more than one drink. She aspired to forget everything that had happened that night and was willing to drink as much alcohol as it'd take. 

It was her birthday, yet she had never wanted to disappear more. 

"Jennie, I don't think you-" But rosé couldn't finish her sentence because Jennie had already got herself up and went out the bathroom without muttering a word.

Rosè sighed, before following the girl downstairs. If she was gonna get wasted, at least she'd make sure to keep an eye on her.


	21. XX.

Three gin tonics and two vodka lemons each later, Jisoo and Lisa were carelessly dancing in Jennie's living room. They didn't care that there was almost no space to stand, let alone dance, they had all the space they needed. 

If people had been sober, they would have looked at them weirdly, but considering everyone's drunken state, they had only been cheered on. 

After a while, Lisa spotted a familiar set of eyes next to the entrance door. 

Soojin. 

The girl looked frightened to say the least. Given her shyness, parties like these probably weren't her scenery. 

Lisa shouted in Jisoo's ear she would be going to say hi to a friend. Jisoo simply nodded and told her to go on. 

Lisa thanked God for her slim and tall figure, ether else she wouldn't have been able to make her way so rapidly through such a crowd. 

Soojin was looking around her, probably looking for some familiar faces. She failed to notice the one that was making her way from her side and startled her deeply. 

"You made it!" Lisa shouted and hugged the girl. 

Surprisingly, Soojin returned her hug, seeming relieved to have found Lisa.

"I did" Soojin laughed at Lisa's already quite obvious drunken state. 

"Well, then we should drink to celebrate!" Lisa shouted once again before taking the younger girl's hand and dragging her to the kitchen. 

"Stay close to me. I don't wanna lose you in the crowd" Lisa had said before starting to push away people that were on her way. And Soojin did while intertwining her fingers with Lisa's.

Once they reached the kitchen, Lisa started fixing Soojin and her a drink. Hers had been a lot stronger than the girl's but she had had her own reasons. 

First of all, she wasn't sure how much her new friend handled alcohol and even so, she wouldn't force a girl to get drunk. Especially not, knowing that there was someone at that party who had her eyes set on her. Lastly, Lisa was drinking to forget any thoughts that was threatening to ruin her night. Jennie being the top one. 

She didn't care if the girl wouldn't talk to her. She didn't need her to have fun. 

She didn't need her in general. 

After handing the drink to Soojin, Lisa felt surprised at how the girl didn't hesitate for one second before bringing the cup to her mouth. 

"You're not gonna ask me what's in it?" Lisa said while smiling.

"I already know what's in it: Alcohol" Soojin replied before taking another sip of her drink. A long one. 

"I could have drugged you and you still would have drunk it" Lisa joked. The alcohol in her system was already making her say stupid things. 

"I trust you" Soojin said while staring deep into Lisa's eyes. 

"You barely know me" Lisa tried not being too affected by the pair of cat eyes that was staring into her. But truth was, she was. 

"I just do"

"You trust me enough to dance with me then?" 

"Only if you can keep up with me?" Soojin replied while throwing a wink in Lisa's direction. 

What was all this new found confidence? How could she be the same shy girl who reads quietly in the library and tutors in her free time?   
But the most important question was, why did Lisa found both her alter egos so attractive? 

Before making her way to the people dancing, Soojin prepared a shot for herself which she quickly downed. Touching her red lips with the point of her fingers to get rid of the liquid in excess, she looked at Lisa and smiled. She then took the taller girl's hand, this time leading her to the dance floor. 

They started dancing to the upbeat song that was filling the air. Lisa found herself once again surprised that night by how good of a dancer the younger girl was. 

"You dance well" Lisa said in Soojin's ear before leaning into her. 

"You're not so bad yourself" she replied while still swaying her hips to the sound of the music. 

Lisa knew she danced good. If there was one thing she felt truly confident at, was dancing. She had started as a baby and never stopped since. Even when she stopped taking lessons, she would still rent dance studios where she would dance for hours on end alone. 

Lisa didn't have time to keep the flirting game that she had started with the younger brunette because she was taken aback suddenly by Teahyung. 

"Lisa! Why don't you present us your friend?" And by us, Teahyung meant himself and a boring looking guy with straight jet black hair, who was standing right beside him. 

Even though it had been one of the last thing she wanted to do, she complied to the boy's request and, while wrapping one arm on Soojin's waist she brought her forward slightly, so to introduce her. 

"This is Soojin"

"Taehyung. And this is my friend, Hui" 

The girl politely took each boy's hand. Lisa noticed how Hui's hand lingered a little too long for it to be considered good-manners. 

Thank to the alcohol, the four of them had completely skipped the awkwardness of spending time with someone for the first time and had fallen into a routine of dancing and filling up their cups once they emptied. And so on. 

Lisa was happy to realize she was actually having fun. 

She had yet to see the brunette that was always on her mind, but she found herself surprisingly not caring about her or her whereabouts. 

She also found herself surprised at how much fun Taehyung was proving himself to be. Lisa, while she looked at him dancing, realized that there always seemed to be bad blood between the two of them because she had always associated him with Jennie. And now that she wasn't there, it was like she was meeting the guy for the first time. 

Of course, she had had to spend extra attention on Hui's body and eye position, never letting him go too close to Soojin. But apart from that, she hadn't had this much fun in a long time. 

So when they were doing one of their pit stops at the kitchen to refill their drinks and Taehyung proposed doing body shots, Lisa found herself agreeing loudly. 

The excitement and the alcohol in her were too big to be a party pooper.

So when she heard herself volunteer to be the one to take the shots from, she screamed even louder and placed herself on the counter, throwing whatever cups that were on it to the ground in the process. 

She had rose the hem to her dress to her breast, leaving her stomach uncovered.

She felt Taehyung starting to prepare the necessary on her. He laid thin lines of salts right under her breast line. She then felt a shot glass being placed on her belly button. At last, slices of limes were placed at the lower of her stomach, near her panties. 

Lisa found Soojin looking down on her. It was clear that the younger girl was inebriated, but there was still the same softness to her eyes when she spoke. 

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" She said while glancing down at the taller girl stomach. 

"You're making sure I'm okay with this. Cute" Lisa said while touching slightly Soojin's forearm with her right hand. 

She saw how the younger's breath seemed to get caught in her throat. 

"You go first" Lisa then said. 

Soojin smiled lightly and looked around. When she saw the boys obviously inciting her to it, she started leaning down slowly on Lisa's body. 

First her tongue met the salt, which she licked in a swift line, before moving to the shot, which she took in her mouth before downing it with a movement of her head. She quickly came down to take a slice of lime, which she sucked tightly, her eyes still closed because of the sourness of the tequila. 

Lisa had managed to look down while Soojin was busy taking her shot. The sight she was met with didn't disappoint her. She had noticed each movement of her tongue on her skin. Her head was still struggling to comprehend how that was the same girl who was helping her with her math homework a few days ago.

After the girl was done, Lisa remained laying on the counter with her eyes closed, waiting for the next person. 

She couldn't hear what the others were saying. The mix between the alcohol swirling in her veins and the loudness of the music had managed to isolate her from the world. 

She felt so at peace with herself in that moment. Nobody expected nothing from her if not laying there and let strangers lick alcohol from her skin. How marvelous. 

Suddenly, she felt a tongue licking a line of salt dangerously close to her breast. She didn't know if it had been her intoxicated state, but the lick felt incredibly slow and long.  
Lisa's head didn't take long to understand that the person was a girl. Her tongue had been too soft on her skin for it to be a boy's. 

Of course, Lisa could have opened her eyes and end the game of guessing who she was playing with herself. But that would have been of no fun. So she kept her eyes shut and let the stranger go on. 

The girl proceeded to take the shot glass in her mouth, not before applying a slight pressure on Lisa's belly that made her feel warm all over her body. She then moved ever so slowly to the lower of Lisa's stomach, this time tracing a pattern with her tongue. Once she finally reached the slice of lime, Lisa felt the mysterious girl engulf it with her mouth, leaving an open mouth kiss at its place. 

With her eyes closed, Lisa could still feel the fire lines the stranger girl had left lingering on her body. Whatever Soojin did fast, this girl had done tumultuously slow.  
When she was about to go out of her meditative state, Lisa felt a pair of lips onto hers. 

They tasted like lime and tequila. And they were delicious. 

Lisa wasted no time latching her own lips onto the stranger one's, while grabbing with one hand the back of their head, trying to keep them even closer. 

No kiss had felt better. The thought of being watched ran through her head for a second, but only managed to arouse her even more. 

She had never felt like this. Not even with-

Jennie. 

She didn't know how she managed to give a face to the lips that were hungrily kissing her. Or if she wasn't more surprised she hadn't come to the conclusion sooner. Like as soon as their lips met. 

When she felt the other girl's tongue licking her lower lips she had no doubt it had been Jennie. She quickly broke he kiss and opened her eyes before pulling herself into a semi sitting position. 

Staring back at her with eyes full with lust, she found Jennie. 

Giving Lisa was sitting on the counter, she was looking down at the brunette. Even though, Lisa had been way taller than her in that position, Jennie kept her eyes on her the whole time, not averting her gaze. 

Lisa took a second to take in the older's aspect. The smudged red lipstick managed to give her, if possible, an even sexier look. Her disheveled hair only contributed to Lisa's wild imaginary. 

"You didn't think you could run away from giving the birthday girl a kiss"Jennie pronounced the words with a mean slur. It was clear that she had drunk too much to even know what she was doing. Or saying. 

If it had been any other day, Lisa would have felt incredibly happy and hopeful about what just happened. But she wasn't. 

The sight of the girl in front of her wasn't giving her butterflies in her stomach. There was another kind of warmth that was spreading from her chest all the way to her limbs: rage.

But even in her altered state, Lisa couldn't bring herself to act on it. Maybe it had been the dozens of people watching them. Or the split second when she met Soojin's disappointed eyes on her. Or Chaeyoung's worried ones. 

It all felt too much.

She quickly jumped off the counter and made her way through the wave of people that were separating her from the only quiet place in that house. 

Jennie found Lisa in the rooftop. 

She had tried running after her when the blonde had left the kitchen in a hurry but Jennie had been too drunk to play Tom and Jerry and had quickly lost her in the crowd. 

Stumbling all around the house, she had managed, after a few tries, to take the stairs that lead to the last floor without falling down. 

People were stopping her, hugging her and wishing her a happy birthday. All the flashes from the phones that were being pointed at her made her feel like a deer in the middle of a highway.   
All she had wanted to do was cross the road. To reach Lisa. 

Lisa was staring at the garden. If she squinted her eyes enough she could see the city, with its chaos and lights, wishing she could just get lost in it.   
She'd rather be a nobody to everybody than a nobody to someone. 

Her head felt incredibly heavy. While she went to pinch the side of her nose, long puffs of air hit the inside of her hand. Focusing on her breath and the way her body was shaking vigorously because of the cold was the only thing keeping her grounded at the moment. 

Even though from her position she couldn't say, Jennie knew that Lisa was gritting her teeth.

"Can we talk?" Her voice came out higher than she expected.

"Leave me alone, Jennie. I'm really not in the mood" Lisa said without turning her body towards the owner of the voice. She didn't want to give her such satisfaction.

"I'm sorry" the words reflected the desperation Jennie was failing to hide. 

Lisa chuckled. 

It was a sound filled with sorrow and something else Jennie couldn't quite decipher. 

"Now you're sorry" Lisa took a deep breath before saying "for what exactly? Because I could find thousands of things you should be sorry for. Like the fact you just fucking kissed me! Cause that's what Miss Kim does whenever she feels like it: she kisses her best friend and then has the nerve to dump her on the side of the road when she says you're fucking jealous!" 

Lisa had turned towards Jennie mid speech. Everything in her body language screamed frustration. From the way her hands were moving animatedly when she was talking to her open wide eyes. 

For once, Jennie had been the one being afraid. Not of Lisa, bit what that blinding rage could make her say.

So, like an animal in captivity, Jennie answered with the same thing she was being fed with: aggression. 

"I'm not jealous!".

Lisa was taken aback from the older's tone. Incredibly, along with disgust, filled her face. She couldn't believe Jennie was being so stubborn. 

"You know what, Jen? Why don't you go fuck your ex or something?"

Something inside her snapped. Jennie tried to keep her mouth from vomiting the worlds that were dangerously swirling inside her brain. She really did. But being the bigger person wasn't something that had ever came easy to her. Sometimes, not even a decent one. 

"I already did" Jennie blurted out. 

As she had predicted, she regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. 

"And I hated every second of him cause he wasn't you" Jennie had wanted to add, but obviously didn't. The words dying in her throat just like the hope of making things right with Lisa.

Jennie watched the words register on Lisa's face and the immediate hurt they caused. 

If Jennie had felt hurt just by letting herself being so weak to say the words, Lisa felt like the whole house had fallen on her. She felt an heaviness not only to her heart but to her whole body. She stopped breathing for a second. 

Her chest hurt, yet no tears traveled down her face. 

She moved up to Jennie. She looked down at her before saying. 

"I hate you"

Jennie's bottom lips trembled lightly. 

"You don't mean that"

Instead of answering, Lisa pushed through Jennie's body that was in front of the door and closed the door loudly behind her.


	22. XXI.

It had been a 4 am, no-sleep-for-48-hours kind of decision. 

She usually wasn't one to act impulsively, if it was even right to call what she was about to do that, considering her brain had been repeatedly telling her the same three sentences for about three days (and nights) straight.

In her mind it felt like the only way out. 

Only when her plane landed, she felt like she was able to breathe again.   
Everything felt so distant and foreign. Yet, unfamiliarity had never felt more reassuring to her.

She had called her dad, or better begged him, to get him to buy her a plane ticket for coming to visit him in Thailand.

Her dad had, of course, been a little reluctant to comply to her daughter's request. After all, it was the beginning of the new semester of her senior year. Taking a two weeks vacation wasn't really contemplated on her school's plan of study.

Lisa couldn't really use the "I miss you" excuse since she could probably count in the palm of her hand how many times her dad and her had actually had a conversation. 

Only after she lied and told him she was having a rough time at school and shed a few tears ( she hadn't needed to lie for that) her father finally granted her the permission to come to visit him.

Her parents had divorced when she was four so she never really knew what it was like to have a present dad, giving the fact that as soon as the divorce paper had been signed, her father fled the country to return to his homeland, Thailand.

Lisa had been to Bangkok a few times during the summers of her childhood. But, as soon as she started growing older, going to a foreign country alone where she didn't know anyone except her father, who never bothered too much to entertain her, and a few relatives, started to become more of a duty than a pleasure. So she stopped going altogether and started spending her summer break with the girls at Jennie's beach house.

Lisa didn't despise Thailand. She thought it was beautiful. She despised the way she felt when she was there. Alone, like she had no one in the word. 

But in that moment, not only she had felt the same at home but it was also exactly what she was looking for. A place where she could compartmentalize her feelings, bring on what she referred to as her "thai personality" and pretend she was someone else for a while. 

A skinny bald man in a suit was waiting for her at the exit of the airport. He was keeping up a sign with "manoban enterprise" written in small elegant letters on it. 

Lisa recognized the logo as her father's company name and followed the man. 

For once, she had been thankful of the veil of formality that her dad always laid on everything. Letting the driver do his Job without having to utter a single word went along perfectly with Lisa's jetlack. 

She slept for the two hours long drive until they reached their destination. 

Lisa's dad had always loved the worldly life and never shied away from being under the public eye. But he also liked to find the right balance in things. He attended all the right parties on the weekend and retreated to his house in Phuket during the rest of the week. 

The first thing Lisa did as soon as she had her things taken to one of the guest rooms, was going to the water. 

She let her body float on the surface of the water while her ears filled with the sound of the ocean. That had always been the only moment when her brain stopped working. When no thoughts disturbed her. 

She smiled slightly, thinking she had indeed done the right thing to come all the way there. It had been worth it. 

At dinner that night she finally saw her dad. It had been a while since the two of them met. Lisa noticed how his dark brown hair now had a few chops of pepper hair next to his ears and how there were a couple of new wrinkles in the side of his eyes. But still, they held the same sparkle they always had. 

And when he called her Pranpriya, Lisa's eyes became watery because it had been a while since him, or anyone, had called her by that name. 

Lisa let herself get loose in the place that could have been her home. She visited every place that she had always wanted to but was too young to actually go to.  
She read books while the sun darkened her skin at the beach. 

One day, She even agreed to go on a walk with her dad. They stayed silent for most of the time but, when they came to a stop at the top of a hill, they started talking like they never had before. 

He asked her about her mum and her life and her friends. 

And she answered to everything, omitting only a certain name and face. 

And she asked about him too. She found out that her dad had found a woman she loved deeply. And that woman had a daughter named Minnie who was just as old as her.

Lisa had greeted the news with more enthusiasm than she thought she'd be able to feel. But she found herself truly happy to know that his dad had been given another chance not only at love but at having a family too. 

She had met Minnie without even being aware of it. 

Lisa had been reading at the beach next to her house when she The sight of a girl running after a hat that was being pushed forward by the wind caught her eyes. 

Out of luck, the hat had hit right into Lisa's umbrella, giving a stop to its crazy run. 

The blonde had then proceeded to hand it back to its rightful owner who thanked her in Thai. 

When Lisa had answered, the girl's eyebrows had shot up in curiosity. Lisa spoke Thai fluently but after spending all her life in another country, she had some kind of accent.

"I'm Nicha" the girl introduced herself. 

"Pranpriya" the girl decided to use her Thai name, hoping that would clear the hair around her ethnicity. 

Unknowingly they had both used different names than the ones Lisa's dad had informed both of them about. 

Nicha had seemed intrigued by the girl, so she asked her if she could join her under her umbrella, since the sun had been too hot that day. 

Lisa had nodded, not really minding sharing her space with the girl. 

After a few hours, the two felt like they had known each other for all their lives.

The conversation had flown easily between them and no awkwardness ever seemed to fill the air between them. 

They kept talking and laughing even when they had decided to go for a swim. They stayed in the water until the sun had started to set and the water was starting to retire.   
The reflection of the two girls laughing and splashing each other with water was a sight far more beautiful than any sunset. 

Lisa never thought she ever had such a strong and fast connection to anyone in her entire life. Not even with her best friends. 

It was only when Lisa's father had brought her out to dinner to meet his girlfriend that she met Minnie, or rather Nicha. 

When the two had recognized each other, they had both started laughing. Maybe a little too loud for the five star restaurant they were in. But couldn't contain their overflowing joy. It felt like destiny had brought them together for them to be sisters. 

Lisa couldn't believe how good her escape plan had turned how to be. She was starting to think of Thailand as a place with healing properties. 

She hadn't smiled, laughed or enjoyed life that much in quite a while. 

She had ridiscovered her dad and her country. But most unexpectedly, she had discovered again how true friendship was supposed to feel like.   
How a bond so pure like friendship was never meant to be poisoned by hatred words or unpleasant moments. There was just no space for that. 

Meeting Minnie opened her eyes in more ways than once. 

She understood that what Jennie and her had shared maybe could have started out as friendship but had later turned into a relationship that had its boundaries so blurred with romance that could only end in failure. 

Still, she didn't blame nor her or Jennie. How could they have known what that they had taken a road with no return? 

And if Lisa hadn't met the girl she would later on officially call her sister, she wouldn't have known how wrong and sad her friendship with Jennie was. 

Staring at the moonlight that night, she didn't feel her heart clench when she thought of Jennie, too full with the realization that maybe the two of them hadn't meant to be friends all along. And that maybe, she was okay with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter didn’t bore you since it’s a little different than the others, but I really enjoyed writing it.


	23. XXII.

Chaeyoung's head rested on Loren's chest. 

Hearing the steadiness of his heartbeat was the only thing keeping her from completely day dreaming in that moment. 

Lately, she had been living inside her head a lot. She woke up and started thinking. She got dressed and ate her breakfast in automatic. When her mum asked her to go to church with her, she simply complied. 

She had even found herself singing full songs without actually feeling the lyrics that were leaving her mouth. Loren had noticed that. But, when he tried to tell her that her performances were lacking something, she had simply shrugged at him. 

A thought. A single stupid thought had been behind this whole meditative state Chaeyoung had found her self in. 

Love. 

The concept had always sounded foreign to her.

When she said "I love you" to Loren, her words felt distant. Like a place she had always wanted to visit but was too scared to go on a plane. Like seeing someone older than you going through the major steps in life. 

It was something she longed for, yet she felt like she couldn't have. 

That was what was setting her off. 

Why didn't her heart bounce when Loren came to pick her up? Why did she feel relieved every time he was passed out because he was too high? Why did she defend their relationship even when she knew that it was far from the fairy tale she had been told her first would be? 

But the bigger question was, why was she asking herself all of this just now? 

Jisoo was the answer. Ever since the brunette had removed herself from Rosie's life, the latter had started watching things from another perspective. Like she was an outsider in her own life. 

She had realized that without the girls she was nothing. 

They had always been such a constant in her life that now that they weren't talking, she felt like an impostor. Like she was impersonating someone else. Because she was sure that nothing she was doing felt like her choice. 

That's why she suddenly turned her head to look at the star ceiling in her bedroom and said:

"I think I wanna quit the band"

Loren's heart rate stayed the same. He wasn't one to get mad. Things usually seemed to slide past him. 

"Why?" He simply answered. 

"I don't know" Rosé sighed, "I'm just not having fun anymore".

"Just because something stops being fun doesn't mean you should quit it" he replied, his tone of voice was deep because of their laid position but steady still.

"Then why doing it?" Rosè answered expressing all her disagreement. 

All her life, she was never the one to raise her voice and take things into her own hand, always letting others choosing for her. Her own person had been dictated by someone else's opinion. Someone, quoting, who had "only her best interest in mind". 

"You can't just quit now and not care about anything or anyone that's in it. Stop being so childish." Loren's words hadn't meant to be a critic towards Rosé. They never did. 

Rosé didn't know wether it had been the implied selfish or the explicited childish that had rubbed her the wrong way, but she suddenly brought herself into a sitting position and turned her head towards her boyfriend. 

"If I'm such a child like you never miss to remind me every single day, then why are you wasting your precious time dating me?"

Rosé's face had been extremely serious. Loren's on the other hand had a slick grin on her face. He eyed his girlfriend's body up and down before saying:

"Cause you're hot". 

Rosie knew his words were meant as a joke. She knew it. And she tried not to take it personally. But she had already been questioning her whole life in the last two weeks so hearing her boyfriends basically confirming that she was an empty shell, made her lost it. 

"Leave" 

"Come on, babe. I was kidding"

"Leave. I don't wanna see you right now"

"Whatever. I would have left anyway. You always keep me in this fucking room for hours and we never do anything" He said before standing up, grabbing his stuff, and leaving the blonde's room.

Rosé wished his words didn't hurt much. But the tears that were threatening to leave her eyes were telling her the exact contrary.

The realization had come to her at 2.40 in the morning while she was having her late night thoughts session. 

The night thoughts were usually different than the day ones. While during the day she kept thinking about her life and what part exactly she had in it being the way it was, at night her mind stayed focused on one subject only. Or rather, one person. 

At night, she thought of Jisoo. 

She replayed the endless moments of their friendship. Their laughs and inside jokes. The times they had gotten themselves in trouble. The silly games of would you rather they had played a thousand times. The times they fought and the ones they made up. 

Laying in bed and counting the half unglued plastic stars hanging from her ceiling, Chaeyoung thought of Jisoo and what she could be doing. 

Was she thinking about her?

While thinking about it, she wished the brunette could be in her bed. How good it'd feel to have her so close that she could lean over and take a sniff of the older's woody perfume. 

Suddenly, she remembered the kiss at Jisoo's house. 

She remembered how, even in her intoxicated state, she had been hyper aware of the softness of the lips of the girl on top of her. How all it took had been one chaste peck for her to descend from the panic she had been drowning in, like a weight on top of her whole body, keeping her from reaching the surface. 

When she had opened her eyes, the weight had been indeed real and took the shape of her best friend. The girl was looking at her with so much worry and love that Chaeyoung felt her eyes get wet and a tear running down her face. She hadn't known if it had been because of the drugs, but she had felt overwhelmed.

She had wondered if Jisoo had been able to taste her tears when she had kissed her. 

It's not that she hadn't thought much of it. She just didn't know what "it" had been. So she had preferred to archive the though in her subconscious and pretend, or rather convince her self, that nothing happened. 

But it did happened. And it had rocked Chaeyoung's world. 

She knew she still wouldn't be able to say out loud the thought that had started to dangerously form in her head, but still, she decided to at least do something about it.

"I miss you" Jisoo read the message that had just been delivered on her phone with a loud bing. 

She had, once again, forgot to put it on silence. 

"Baby, who is it?" A half asleep girl had said, while lazily turning her body around so to face Jisoo. 

The brunette had been contemplated on what to answer to the girl she had started dating exactly two weeks ago, her mind still busy processing the content of the message.   
Her name was Seulgi. She was a senior like her but they never got any classes together until this semester when they both took up English literature.

After a few seconds, she settled on a classic answer. 

"No one. You can go back to sleep" 

She wished to the girl what she knew she wouldn't be able to do after Chaeyoung had decided to write that at three am. 

"Cuddles please?" The brown haired girl had said, her squinting eyes staring at Jisoo in a pleading way. 

Jisoo, of course, couldn't say no to such request and made the way under the bed sheets to wrap her arms around the other girl's waist. 

Her waist was as thin as Chaeyoung's but Seulgi was a little more muscular than the blonde girl. Not that Jisoo minded. The only think she didn't like was how she could never seem to stop herself from comparing every girl she had a relationship with, with her best friend. Her straight best friend. 

She sighed and brought the girl she was holding farther into her arms. If she wanted to actually give a shot at the thing with Seulgi, then she needed to keep Rosé far from her sight, her mind and consequently her heart. 

That's why she didn't reply anything to the text. Even though her chest ached for how much she wanted to answer "me too".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I was neglecting Chaesoo lately, so there you go with a whole chapter about them!  
> I'm afraid this is gonna be the last update for this week. I'm gonna start updating again three times a week starting Monday cause your girl gotta study !  
> Thanks to everyone who reads, votes and comments each chapters you guys are the sweetest.  
> Sending lots of love xx


	24. XXIII.

Jennie had never felt more miserable. 

The Sunday after her birthday party, she went to Lisa's house, hoping to be able to talk to her. But opening the door of the house, stood Lisa's mum, an incredulous look on her face. 

Jennie hadn't read too much into it, understanding the meaning of it only after the woman's words. 

"Lisa went to Thailand to visit her dad... she didn't tell you?" 

So Jennie had waited for the girl to show up at school on Monday and all the other days after that. Each morning, she woke up and hurried to school, hoping to find the blonde girl sitting in their home room, waiting for her to arrive. 

But the weeks passed and there was still no sign of Lisa. 

Jennie had tried calling and texting her, but every time the rings of her phone were different and a metallic voice of a woman speaking Thai filled Jennie's room. She had even left pathetic voicemails that, at this point, she wished Lisa wasn't able to hear. 

The girl's absence was driving her mad. 

It was one thing to fight with her and seeing her everyday at school and still knowing was she was up to thanks to Jisoo and Chaeyoung; but it was another to not know anything about her. It felt like she had disappeared completely. 

Jennie had tried talking with her other two friends about it. She of course had to meet them separately, knowing they wouldn't have met her otherwise.

They both answered the same thing. They had tried calling her and leaving her messages but they had received no response. It was like Lisa didn't want to be contacted by anyone. And she was fully succeeding at it. 

Then, an idea came to her. 

It was impulsive and not very thought through. But it had been too late to back down because the bell signaling the end of the lesson was echoing loudly through the school's hallway and Jennie was making her way to the school library. Where she knew she'd find Soojin. 

The girl was indeed sitting at the same place of the day when Jennie had barged in and basically forced Lisa to go home with her. 

She hadn't noticed her yet, her eyes too focused on the book she was reading. 

"I need to ask you something" Jennie said. No "Hi" or need for introduction. She came there to know something and she wouldn't leave if she didn't find her answers.

Truth was, she didn't know which answers she was actually looking for. It's not like she didn't know the reason why Lisa left. Not to sound conceited, but she knew it had been because of her. Or did she? 

The confusion and desperation fogging her mind was making her acting reckless and without thinking. That's why she was about to taunt the poor girl in front if her with questions about Lisa. 

Soojin had slowly taken her eyes away from the book and up to meet Jennie's. Without saying anything she motioned with her eyes for Jennie to take a seat in the chair next to hers. 

Jennie had hurriedly taken her seat and, after fixing her skirt, looked at Soojin who was meeting her gaze with expecting eyes. 

"It's about Lisa" 

"I figured" Soojin wasn't stupid. After the party she understood that the dynamic between the Jennie and Lisa wasn't one of two normal best friends. 

It didn't take a psychology major to understand that there was tension between the two of them. And not the good kind. 

But the same anybody could say about Jennie and Soojin. The two were exchanging unpleasant looks while talking and their body language kind of gave them away. 

after seeing Jennie's confused face, the other girl added: 

"We're not exactly friends, are we? And the only common friend we have is Lisa"

Jennie's nose turned up at hearing Soojin call Lisa her friend. What did she know about being friends with Lisa? She'd be impressed if the girl knew Lisa's last name. 

Instead of going off on the girl, Jennie simply hummed and nodded. If she wanted information, she couldn't exactly treat her badly.

"So... have you heard from Lisa recently?" Jennie tried testing the waters, her words coming out tentatively. 

"Yes. She called me yesterday, actually." the younger girl didn't have a smug on her face. She answered like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like Jennie wasn't going crazy trying to contact Lisa. 

"She... called you?" Jennie hadn't expected that. She didn't exactly know wether to be happy about the fact that Lisa was fine or sad that she had preferred calling Soojin over her best friend. 

"It was a foreign number, so I debated for a second wether to answer or not. But it turned out to be Lisa"

"You're lying" Jennie's mind went into denial. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that Lisa was choosing to let someone she had known for a month know about her whereabouts.

"Why would I lie about Lisa calling me?"Soojin sounded a little defensive but still, she didn't lose her composure.

"Because in what world Lisa calls you and not me?"

"I don't know. But this feels like a personal thing so you should probably-"

"How is she?"Jennie cut her off without even registering the younger's words. 

"She sounded fine. I think this holiday is really doing her good" Soojin said with a slight smile. One thought of Lisa was enough to bring a smile on her face. 

Jennie was too busy processing the thousands of thoughts that were creating inside her head to notice that. 

"Did she talk about me?"

"You?"

"Yeah. Did Lisa say anything about me or the party?". The farther the conversation kept going, the more Jennie's desperation leaked through her voice. 

"No, jennie. I'm sorry. She didn't mention you or the party". Soojin lied, picturing in her mind how she stayed up until three am the previous night to talk to Lisa. Everything was going great, sweet and flirty words had been exchanged until the conversation drifted casually to Jennie's birthday party. That's when Lisa had started sounding distant, like she was measuring her every word. 

Only when Soojin had deliberately changed subject and asked her about how her stay in Thailand was going, was when Lisa's voice gained back its usual enthusiasm. 

She told her about her dad and his beautiful house on the beach. She told her about Minnie and the woman that was making his father happy again. 

Through out all the time Lisa talked passionately, Soojin smiled. 

This time, Jennie noticed how Soojin's mind had been elsewhere for a second and how her eyes had squinted lightly, making her look even more beautiful. Jennie hated that. 

"I can't believe this" Jennie looked and sounded like her whole world had been crashing down her. 

Soojin looked at the older girl's lost eyes and said: 

"Maybe you could try calling her?" 

"Do you think I'd be here talking with you if she had picked up?" Now Jennie's tone had switched from desperation to annoyance. 

And even if Soojin noticed that and was also aware that doing what she was about to do wouldn't favor her with Lisa, she also had come to truly care for the blonde and wanted her to deal with whatever thing she had going on with Jennie. 

She had heard the hurt in her voice when she had mentioned the party. And figured she might move on if the conversation with Jennie happened on the phone and while Lisa was in a foreign country. 

"I could give you the number she called me with"

Jennie's eyes that had been staring at nothing for the last few minutes came back to Soojin as soon as the girl pronounced the words. 

"You would do that?"

"Why not?" Soojin said before writing the number down on a piece of loose paper and handing it to Jennie. 

"Uhm... thank you. I don't know what to say" 

"You don't need to say anything. Just be kind with her" Soojin said. 

Jennie simply nodded, her hands were shaking slightly before she stood up and hurriedly made her way out of the library. 

She waited to be in her room to finally call the girl. 

Her heart was beating madly while she was composing the number written on the crumbled up piece of paper that laid on her sweaty hands. 

When she finally pressed the green icon, the phone started ringing. 

After about four rings, someone picked up. A feminine energetic voice greeted her. Too bad that the girl was speaking Thai, which Jennie didn't understand. 

She panicked for a second before her mind had the idea of switching to English. She knew that the odds of someone from Thailand speaking Korean would be very low, if not un existing.

"Uhm... hello. This is Jennie. I was hoping I could speak with Lisa?" She said, making sure to pronounce each words clearly.

She heard silence for a few seconds before the girl on the other line yelled something in thai that Jennie couldn't decipher. The only thing she caught had been the name Pranpryia. 

Jennie wasn't sure if the other girl had understood her and had gone to call Lisa or if she was complaining to someone about some lunatic calling her from another state. But still, she patiently waited until she finally heard sounds of two girls fumbling in a foreign language. 

"Hello?" She heard a girl tentatively say. 

"Hello! Lisa? Is that you?" 

There was a long pause. Both of them stayed silent, listening to the sound of their breaths against the phone's mic. 

"Jennie?" Lisa voice had gone down a tune. No emotions could be detected from the way she pronounced the brunette girl's name. 

"Yes, it's me. I'm sorry I contacted you like this but you weren't answering your phone and I panicked. I just wanted to know if you wer-"

"Who gave you this number?" 

Jennie stayed silent for a moment, a little taken back by Lisa's complete disinterest on what she was saying. 

"Uhm... Soojin did" 

"You talked to her?" Lisa said, irritation clear in her voice. 

"I had to, you weren't picking up anybody's calls!" Jennie half yelled in exasperation.

"And you didn't think there was a reason for it?" 

"I mean, yeah. I know that you're mad about the party but you still could have answered my texts. At least telling me you were leaving" 

"No." Lisa said "mad doesn't describe how I'm feeling right now, Jennie." 

Jennie didn't know what to say so she just let Lisa explain herself further. 

"I'm over being mad right now. I'm disgusted. With you but with myself more for letting you treat me this way for years, Jennie. Years"

"I think you're overreacting right now. We've been friends forever Lisa, it's not something that's gonna go away in a day. If it's about the party I called to say I'm sorry, I was drunk and did some stupid thoughtless things. 

"You just don't get it, do you?" Lisa's voice sounded tired, like she didn't even want to be hearing any more words coming out Jennie's mouth. 

A sudden background noise coming from Lisa's line interrupted their conversation. Jennie wasn't sure but it sounded like the girl who first picked up the phone. She was laughing and talking to Lisa, who was talking to her with the same energy in return. 

Jennie's hold against the phone tightened. She had been to excited to talk to Lisa that she had failed to even question who was the other girl. Lisa's cousin? Friend?   
Even is she couldn't understand what they were saying, they sounded pretty close. 

Before Jennie could let her jealousy bring her away further into her head, she heard Lisa speaking again. To her this time.

"I have to go now. Don't call this number again and stay out of my business Jennie. I mean it" 

Lisa said before hanging up. Jennie kept her phone near her ear for another couple of seconds before loosening the hold on it and letting it fall from her hand and to the floor. 

She didn't care if she had broken it, she felt worse. 

That night, she spent it thinking about calling Lisa again. And at one point, she almost did. She composed and recomposes the number an infinite amount of times, but she then realized that even if someone were to answer, she wouldn't know what to say. 

No amount of "I'm sorry" could make Lisa change her mind.


	25. XXIV.

"Hello! Lisa? Is that you?" 

Lisa froze.

Minnie had called her from downstairs claiming there was one of her Korean friend on the line. Given the fact that she had used Minnie's phone only to call Soojin, she had run down the stairs abruptly, excitement pumping through her vein. 

She had expected to be met with Soojin's soft voice. Instead, her ears filled with the sound of a quite nervous Jennie greeting her. 

All the weeks spent thinking and trying to find herself again seemed to vanish in a few seconds. 

Lisa realized that she had made so much progress in so little time because she hadn't had to see or hear Jennie. Yes, the brunette had occupied her thoughts non stop ever since she left for Thailand, but it was ne thing to have an endless stream of memories, which she could have control on most of the times, and another to face the uncertainty of a conversation with Jennie. 

She felt all the mindfulness leave her body and intrusive thoughts make their way back to her brain. 

Why was Jennie calling her? How did she know where to call her? What did she want for her? Why couldn't she just let her be?

She cleared her throat and answered to the girl that was patiently waiting on the other line. 

As they were talking, Lisa realized just how much she didn't want this conversation to happen. It was still too soon. Even though during her late night pensive sessions she had told herself she was ready to forgive the girl for all the years of hurting she had caused her, when it actually came down to it, Lisa couldn't do it. 

Jennie's apology had sounded empty and forced. Like a prayer you're used to say over over, but in fact you don't mean it. Jennie was used to apologizing to Lisa every time the two of them had an argument but, coming to think of it, Jennie had never pronounced the words like she had actually meant them. 

All the nights Lisa had spent crying and wishing she could just lose her memory so to finally know peace because she had fallen for the only person in the world that she could never have, were coming back to her. Like a downpour on a sunny day, she hadn't expected to feel so drenched and heavy because of Jennie's words.

When Minnie had entered the room again to grab the glasses she had left on the table, Lisa didn't let the occasion go to waste. She told her to wait for her to go to the beach while playfully keeping the girl's wrist to prevent her from escaping. 

The brief exchange had happened in Thai, so Jennie hadn't been able to understand them.

Lisa kept the brunette on the other line for a few seconds after, before finally being able to hang up. She knew her words might have come out harsh, but she did not have a choice. Jennie needed to get the message that Lisa wasn't that accessible anymore. 

"So... Jennie, uh?" Minnie said, her feet's sinking deep on the wet sand. 

They were walking by the water, contemplating whether to go in it or keep sunbathing. After a few weeks, Lisa's skin had already turned a lot darker than she had intended on. But, At the same time, she couldn't find herself caring for it. 

She had always struggled to fit the complex and exhausting beauty standards that her friends had been so desperate to follow and fit in. Her skin would never be fair enough, her hair were too thin, her body too bony to be considered attractive. 

So, growing up, nobody called her beautiful. Nobody, but Jennie.

Her relationship with Jisoo was too sisterly like for compliments like that to be exchanged. Even though the both of them admired each other a lot, they would never admit it. 

Rosé had always felt like her twin. Being that she was the most feminine one between the two, she had often tried to get the tall girl inside her flower printed dresses that Lisa felt so awkward in. Rosie would shake her head and tell her she looked cute, before giving her a peck on her cheek. 

But with Jennie, it was different. There was nothing remotely sisterly like with her. Jennie looked at her like she was a woman, not a girl. She had never jokingly teased her appearance like Jisoo or lend her clothes like Chaeyoung. She liked how Lisa was unconventional both in the way she looked and dressed. And, she'd never call her cute. 

The first time she had called her beautiful had been before the eight grade prom. The four girls had been at Jennie's old house to finish getting ready. They had decided to go together after Lisa's crush, an American kid that went to their school called Jaden, had declined Lisa's invite only to later ask Jennie, who obviously made him regret his choice badly. 

Jennie had taken the matter into her own hands. She had decided not to tell the girls about it and had proceeded to invite them to all dump their dates so that they could go together for their first prom ever.  
That night they also promised to always go together to every school event. They didn't need boys anyway, Jennie had said with a smirk on her face. 

Lisa was in Jennie's bathroom, struggling to put mascara on. Her mum had never used much make up, so she never really learned how to apply it the right way.  
She had managed to do the right eye in some way but she didn't even know where to start on her left. With one hand gripping tightly the bathroom sink, she let out a heavy sigh of frustration. 

She wondered if Chaeyoung, being a lefty, had the same problem as her with her right eye. 

Suddenly, she spotted cat-eyes staring at her in the mirror from behind her back, that made her jump in surprise a little. This had happened when Lisa still wasn't fully aware of her feelings for the brunette, but it still hadn't stopped her hands from shaking lightly when the older girl had started approaching her. 

"Need a hand?" Jennie had a smile on her face that, now that Lisa thought of it, she hadn't seen on the brunette's face for a very long time. 

Their high school years had been challenging for the both of them for a lot of reasons. But Lisa always thought she was the one who had suffered the most because of the situation. She never really thought how Jennie could have struggled too. Even more than her. 

Because Jennie had never been one to let herself be seen weak in front of others. She'd never tell anybody about the strictness of her parents. Or how lonely she felt growing up alone in those huge houses. Or how she had soon started to comprehend the meaning behind the knot in her stomach that would form every time she was close to her best friend. 

Lisa nodded, handing the mascara into Jennie's steady hands. 

The blonde always wondered how Jennie could look so composed all the times. Like she didn't need anyone's help, ever.

Lisa had had to sit on a stool for Jennie to apply her makeup since, with her heels on, she was considerably taller than the brunette. As soon as she sat down, Jennie indicated with a tap on the younger's girl thigh to open up her legs so to make space for her. Lisa did, not before taking a sharp breath at the thought of having the older girl doing her make up in between her legs.

"I heard Jaden's going with Irene tonight" Lisa said, her breath hitting the older girl's face who looked almost too focused on her task to listen to her. But she had. 

"Screw him. You're too beautiful to be going with a loser like him anyway" Jennie said while putting a lose stray of hair behind the younger's ear.

Lisa felt her heart threatening to jump out her chest. She was already restraining herself from looking like a total mess in front of Jennie who was standing so close she could count how many times the brunette had blinked her eyes, but the girl's sweetness and unexpected softness of her voice was having the best of her. 

"You really think I'm beautiful?" Lisa's words came out as a whisper. 

All those years of feeling the insecure foreign kid had left a mark that only time and the love of the right person could heal. 

"Of course I do" Jennie had said before smiling and putting both hands on Lisa's shoulders and turning her around so that she could see her reflection on the mirror. 

"See it for yourself"

And Lisa did see the beautiful her best friend was talking about, except she didn't find it while looking at herself but at Jennie. 

"What about her?" Lisa asked. Her little flashback had left the ghost of a smile on her face. It had been a while since she had thought about those period of time.  
A period when Jennie was kind and supportive with her. Mostly, when she hadn't been afraid.

"I don't speak Korean but I know tension when I hear it" Minnie said while trying to make eye contact with lisa who kept averting her eyes. 

Lisa had never been good at lying and Minnie, even if she had known her for a very short times, had already learned to read her eyes. 

"She is.. was my best friend" Lisa said, still looking down at her feet that were busy drawing random shapes on the sand. 

"Was? Why? You're not friends anymore?" Minnie asked. Lisa had gotten to learn that Minnie wasn't one to get into other people's business because she liked the gossip. She was genuinely interested in knowing Lisa and her past. 

Lisa debated in her mind wether to tell Minnie the truth or not. Then she decided that if they were meant to be sisters for life, she'd at least own it to her to be completely honest. Like she had never really been with anyone before. 

"I'm in love with her" Lisa said all in one breath. She had finally looked Minnie in the eyes when saying so. 

Minnie was staring back at her with a smile that hid a veil of melancholy.

Lisa felt relieved. Her heart was beating badly and she was sure she had the blood pressure of someone with a heart condition. But the fast rate of her heart was more than worth the sensation she was feeling at the moment. 

She had said out loud for the first time that she loved Jennie Kim. 

Not only did she finally felt free from a secret she had kept inside of her for years but she also acted like it. 

She took Minnie's hand and started running towards the water. When she finally dived in, dragging the other girl with her, she kept swimming until she touched the seabed with her hand. She grabbed a fist of sand before making her way to the surface. 

When she finally took a breath, her lungs hurt. But it had been a good kind of pain. 

On her bed that night, Lisa told Minnie everything about her and Jennie. By telling her soon to be sister their story, a lot of hidden details became suddenly very clear to her. And, thanks to Minnie being a precise and diligent listener, she understood not only Jennie's mistakes but her own, too. 

Before falling asleep, with her eyes half opened, Lisa brought her hands together and prayed with all of her heart that she was finally getting the new start she'd been dreaming about for a long time. Not only with Jennie, but with herself. Because, as Minnie told her, "change around you happens as a result from change within you".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little insight into Jennie and Lisa’s middle school days!  
> Do you guys think that Lisa will be able to forgive Jennie and move on?


	26. XXV.

It was midnight in Thailand, or two in the morning in Korea. She hadn't expected Soojin to pick up the phone.

"Why did you pick up?" Lisa asked with an incredulous voice. 

"You're mad cause i picked up the phone? Why did you call me then?" the brunette girl chuckled lightly, from her voice it was clear she had been sleeping.

"I don't know, I didn't think you'd answer" the thai girl now felt guilty for having woken Soojin up on a school night. "I just wanted to hear your voice"

"Oh is that what it is now? Does Lisa Manoban misses me?" Soojin's sleepy voice was even deeper and sultrier than her normal one, making her flirting lethal for Lisa. 

"What if I did?" Lisa decided to answer fire with fire. 

"Then I'd say I miss her too" Soojin said, background noises probably coming from her shifting on the bed almost covered what the girl said.

" People at this school are way to good at maths, if you don't come back soon I could find myself unemployed" she then jokingly added.

"that's some talk for someone who is still a junior"

"That's some talk for someone who lets this junior help her pass her classes"

Getting to know Soojin was revealing to be a very interesting experience for Lisa. It was like she had a lot of layers to her personality. And Lisa felt herself lucky to see more than what the girl usually let the world see. 

Lisa scoffed "You barely help me. You pass the whole time reading your book while I have to work"

"You wouldn't have to work alone so much if you actually did your homework and not spend your time staring at me"

Lisa gulped. So she had noticed. 

"Well, its not my fault I'm easily distracted. Plus, I don't think my tutor is being very professional with me. She was playing footsie with me under the table"

Lisa knew she had won their little game because for a moment Soojin had stopped answering to her teasing. If she could see her, she knew the brunette's cheeks would be red. 

"I just hope she doesn't do it with all the students she tutors" Lisa added, praying to God that she didn't go to far with the jokes. 

"Only with my favorites" Soojin finally answered. Her tone was still flirty but there was a softness to it that Lisa had already heard the night of Jennie's party.

"So there's more? Do I have competition?"

"Maybe" Soojin lied. She didn't have her eyes on anyone but the tall blonde girl. But she knew Lisa was the type to like a game, if she had understood anything of her relationship with Jennie.

"It's not like you don't have other suitors yourself" the younger girl then added. She hoped lisa would catch up on who she was implying.   
She had been wanting to have this conversation with Lisa ever since the night at Jennie's house, but she had been afraid of coming out too strong and scare Lisa away. Or even worse, make her angry. 

"If you're talking about Jungkook, that's a dead story". Of course Lisa knew what the brunette was trying to say, but she wouldn't just out her and Jennie if she wasn't even fully sure on what Soojin meant. 

"I'm not talking about him, even though now I know there's someone else I should look out for"

"And who's the other one?"

"Jennie" soojin replied. Even though she had simply said the girl's name. There was something in the way she had pronounced it that made Lisa understand that Soojin probably didn't like the girl. 

Soojin took Lisa's silence as her answer. If she had implied something completely wrong, every person on the world would have just laughed it off or defend themselves. But lisa did neither. 

"Look, I'm not trying to get into something that I imagine is very personal to you. I just want to know if I'm surpassing any borders that I didn't know existed. Cause by the way Jennie came up to me the other day, she looked like the epitome of jealousy" soojin tried explaining herself to lisa who just kept silent for the following minutes. 

"It's complicated" the blonde finally said. 

"I understand."

"I don't want to drag you into this mess because if this thing were to grow into something else, I want it to do the right way." 

Soojin was surprised at how much Lisa was pouring her heart into her words. That's also why she liked her. She was honest and she didn't care if others might think it was too much. 

"At the same time, I don't wanna ask you to wait for me because I have no idea how much this, getting over her or god knows what could take. And you don't deserve that" lisa kept saying. She was trying to explain herself in the clearest way possible, even if that included admitting both her feelings for jennie and potentially for Soojin. 

Nevertheless, she was glad she did. Talking with no words left unsaid was scaring but it made lisa feel lighter. 

"What if I told you I want to wait for you" Soojin said, determination clear in her voice. 

"I can't tell you what to do. But I don't want you to get hurt because I can't make any promises right now."

"I'm willing to take the risk"

After a few minutes of small talk and sweet good nights, the two hanged up. 

Lisa went to bed with a heavy head but a lighter heart.

Chaeyoung didn't know how she had found herself outside Jisoo's house. 

It was a Friday night and it was freezing outside. In the impulsiveness of the moment, the blonde had forgotten to grab anything but her coat. So she stood in front of her best friends house, her hands buried deep inside the pockets of her white fluffy jacket. 

She was supposed to be at Loren's place for a party with his friends. Instead, she had said she had a headache and spent her night inside her room, moping around, until an idea came to her mind. She wanted to see the girl that had been the center of her every thought and dream for the last weeks. She left her house in a hurry with one goal: she wanted to make things right with her. 

Even so, she couldn't bring herself to knock on the brunette's door. 

When she finally did, she had knocked with so little strength she wouldn't be surprised if nobody actually came at the door. But she had been wrong; a tall brunette girl wearing a crop top that left her bellybutton exposed and sweatpants stood in front of her with an unreadable expression. Both of them were eyeing each other up and down. 

"Can I help you?" The girl told Chaeyoung, who shuffled on her feet feeling intimidated under her gaze. 

"I'm looking for Jisoo" Rosé said, trying to get herself to keep her head high. She was there to talk to Jisoo and not even a tall bimbo could stop her from doing that. 

"Who are you?" The brunette questioned. 

Chaeyoung started feeling the irritation making her way from her chest to her limbs. 

"Her best friend, who are you?" She shot back. 

"Her girlfriend" 

Chaeyoung froze in her place. She felt the blood running in her veins stop. Saying the other's words had took her by surprise would be an euphemism. 

Was she so worthless to Jisoo that she hadn't even bothered to let her know she got a girlfriend? 

What had shocked Chaeyoung the most hadn't been the fact that she got a girlfriend per se, but that it had only been a couple of weeks of them not talking and she already felt left out from Jisoo's life, like a stranger. 

Of course, she had also felt a tug at her heart when the girl pronounced the word "girlfriend", but, given that she couldn't give a name to the feeling yet, she just classified it as jealousy for not being jisoo's best friend anymore. If things with the unknown girl were to take off for real, the title would belong to her. 

Suddenly, while the two girls were having a stare off, Chaeyoung heard steps coming down the stairs and a voice approaching from behind the brunette's back. 

"Babe, who is i-" Jisoo couldn't even finish her question because when she came face to face with the visitor, she froze in her place just like the blonde had done previously. 

"Chaeyoung" 

There was a long pause before the oldest girl of them said

"What are you doing here?" 

"I came to talk to you" Rosé had also wanted to add an "i miss you", but given the death glare that Jisoo's girlfriend had on her, she avoided doing that. 

"Now is really not the right time" Jisoo said while eyeing the girl that was standing next to her.

The wind from the chilly night had made its way to Jisoo's hair, moving it slightly. Chaeyoung couldn't help but think how she looked beautiful even like this: slightly shivering because of the winter breeze, barefaced, her hair wild.

"Please. I really need to talk to you. Just give me five minutes" 

Jisoo sighed before finally giving in to the younger's request. And when she saw that the girl who was standing beside her wasn't really happy about the situation, Jisoo simply pecked her cheek before telling her to wait for her inside or she would get sick. 

"Can I come inside?" Chaeyoung asked while eyeing the inside of the house. 

"Actually I think its better if you don't. It's kind of a mess" Jisoo said while averting the younger's eyes meanwhile a strong blush made the way to her cheeks. 

Chaeyoung got the message. 

Jisoo and her had moved to a more private part of her garden. None of them had still muttered a word. The blonde had been sweating cold, she felt like she was wasting the only chance that Jisoo had given her. But even if she had a whole rehearsed speech she had even practiced in her car on her way there, no words seemed to want to leave her mouth. 

"She looks nice"

"Seulgi? Yeah, she's great" the brunette answered, the corners of her mouth curving up a little in the process. 

"I'm happy for you. And I'm sorry you weren't in the situation to tell me about it"

"That's okay. I kinda need to deal with some stuff on my own too, you know" Jisoo words didn't sound angry. It was like the time apart from her best friend had managed to calm her spirit. Plus, with the story with Seulgi being fresh, she hadn't really had that much time to reminisce their fight. 

Chaeyoung kept quiet for a few seconds after that. When she noticed that the older girl was shivering because she didn't have a jacket on, she didn't hesitate one second to take her coat off and wrap it around the shorter girl. 

"Chaeng, you don't have to" Jisoo tried resisting by pushing the coat off of her lightly, but Rosé was stronger and she kept her hands with the coat around the brunette. 

the brunette thanked her softly after finally giving in to the blonde. 

"I'm sorry"

Jisoo's eyes had been on Rosie again. 

"I'm sorry I said all that hurtful stuff, I was confused and mad because I couldn't accept the fact that I need you, Jisoo. More than I've ever needed anyone in my entire life"

Rosé's petite but slender figure stood out even more in the dark. She was towering over Jisoo while she spoke with her hands and her heart. She had done a lot of thinking in the times she spent without the brunette's presence and guidance and she had come to the conclusion that she couldn't lose her. 

"And I hope that, maybe, you need me too" Chaeyoung had said tentatively, her voice coming out a lot weaker than she had intended on.

Jisoo kept looking at her.

" that's the problem, Chaeng. I need you and it shouldn't be like that" 

The blonde girl was struggling to understand what Jisoo had meant. 

"I know that this, me, is all you've ever known all your life. Of course you see nothing wrong with it" the brunette kept going. In the dark, her eyes appeared completely black.

" cause there's nothing wrong about friendship" 

Jisoo sighed. 

" do you tell Lisa and Jennie you need them, too?" Jisoo tried proving her point. She hadn't wanted to upset Chaeyoung, she was just trying to open her eyes.

"You know that's different" Chaeyoung said while crossing her arms defensively.

"Why?" Jisoo kept insisting, while hugging the taller girl's coat closer. It smelled like her, she thought. 

Tears were starting to form on Rosé eyes. Her frustration was tangible.

"It just is!" The blonde snapped. Her arms were now back on her side, her hands forming fists.

Jisoo wasn't surprised about her reaction. She had had the same, only alone in her room a couple of months before. The feeling of helplessness, confusion and anger that came with the realization of having feelings for your girl best friend wasn't anything she hadn't experienced before. So she stood still, letting the blonde take out her frustration on her. 

She wouldn't force her to admit anything, but she could no longer pretend that things were something they were not. She was tired of pretending. 

"I think I'm gonna head inside now." Jisoo said before taking the coat off her shoulders and handing it back to its owner, before saying:

" I'm not going anywhere, Chaeng. But I can't keep pretending that this friendship is normal" 

Chaeyoung watched the girl walk to the door and disappear behind it.


	27. XXVI.

Lisa came back from Thailand exactly three weeks after her departure. 

Weirdly enough, for once, leaving Thailand left her the same melancholy that leaving Korea usually did. She felt like she was leaving home rather than coming back to one. 

Saying goodbye to Minnie had been the hardest part. The shorter girl wasn't really one to be touchy, but she clung to Lisa like her life depended on it when she had to say goodbye to her at the airport. 

Minnie had managed to slip a bracelet through Lisa's wrist . It was a simple black cord with a pendant in the shape of a shell. 

"So that you'll always remember the ocean. And me" Minnie had said in the most vulnerable tone that Lisa had ever heard her using since they met. 

"Like I could ever forget you" Lisa said before wrapping her arms back around a crying Minnie. 

The two had been both a crying and laughing mess when Lisa's flight was called. 

When she turned one last time, she looked at her dad. He had one arm around Minnie and one around Minnie's mother. She smiled, knowing she had left Korea feeling broken and lonely, only to find a new family in Thailand. 

Since her mum was working, she had asked Jisoo to pick her up from the airport. 

"I see Thailand treated you good" Jisoo said after she had engulfed the younger in a tight hug. Lisa indeed looked like she was glowing. The tan on her skin, the lightness of her hair and the unexplainable twinkle in her doe eyes made her look healthy and happy. The exact opposite of when she had left. 

"Oh, you have no idea" Lisa said, smiling brightly before she proceeded to tell Jisoo all the new found information about her new family. The brunette managed to look even more shocked than Lisa had when she had first found out. 

"I can't believe you got a sister now! I wish i could meet her" 

"Yeah, I wish that too. I feel like she would get along so well with Chaeng" Lisa said, taking notice of how Jisoo didn't flinch like she usually did at the mention of the younger girl. All she could spot was a peaceful look splattered on her face while she mindlessly drove Lisa home. 

"So... how have things been since I left?" 

"I got a girlfriend, actually" jisoo said with a smirk. 

"You did not!" Lisa replied enthusiastically. She couldn't believe her ears. It felt like a lot had changed in those weeks. And she was actually excited to find out more about what she had missed out on. 

"I did. Her name's Seulgi" Jisoo answered proudly. Lisa was happy to see the fondness on the older's face.

"I can't wait to meet her" Lisa pronounced the words with a smile while her gaze fixed on the skyline of the city that she could make out from the highway. Lisa was left surprised at how clear the sky had been that day. Usually, pollution didn't let the visibility go farther than one mile. 

After a couple of minutes, silence had fallen between them. They let it be filled by the commercial hits that played through the radio. Jisoo would usually despise that kind of music, but she didn't seem to mind this time. It was clear that something else was on her mind. 

"I gotta ask you something. As your best friend" Jisoo said, her tone had suddenly become serious. 

"You know you can ask me anything, Chu" lisa replied, a slight worry was crippling in her stomach. 

"I need you to talk to Jennie" 

After Jisoo saw the annoyed look on Lisa's face, she just kept going. 

"No, you don't understand. I've never seen her this sad before. She even showed up to school in her sweatpants, Lisa. Jennie, in her sweats. I don't think you realize the gravity of the situation".

Jisoo kept her gaze in front of her while glancing every few seconds to catch Lisa's reaction to her words.

Lisa hesitate to answer at first, she mindlessly ran her hands up and down her jeans a few times before finally giving an answer.   
"So, let me get things straight. Just because she's sad once, I have to go and wipe the tears out of her face again but when I've been sad for years because of her, she never did anything. And I'm sure you must have talked to her about me at some point" 

Lisa wasn't angry, she just seemed irritated by the older's words. Plus, she wanted to deal the Jennie-situation on her own, with no one else input on it. 

"Guess things haven't changed that much, have they?" Lisa added before jisoo got the hint to chance topic. 

"Just think about it, Lis. And know that she misses you" 

Lisa didn't answer. 

The first thing Lisa did when she finally got home and settled her things in her room was leave again. Her mum, who had just come back from work, wasn't really ecstatic about it, but she let it slide after she saw how happy her daughter looked. 

She knocked on the door twice before a petite brunette with cat eyes opened the door. 

"Lisa!" The girl said before jumping at the taller girl's neck and wrap her arms around it.

After the two of them had separated from the hug and Lisa was brought into the house, she took in both her surroundings and the girl's figure in front of her. 

"You know, that's not really how someone who doesn't miss a person acts" lisa teasingly said. Her hand was still loosely intertwined with the brunette's from when she had delicately pulled her inside. 

"Shut up" Soojin said while chuckling lightly. 

"You could have at least told me you were coming back, I'm still processing you standing in my living room! When did your flight land anyway?"

"About two hours ago?" Lisa answered vaguely. She didn't want to let the brunette know how desperately she had made her way to her house. 

"Really? You must be tired then. Wanna take a nap in my room?" Soojin said. 

Even though there was no hint of mischievousness in her voice, Lisa couldn't help but blush a little at how bold the girl's offer had sounded. 

"I mean, it wouldn't kill me to get some sleep. But I actually came to hang with you, I don't want you to get bored" 

"Why don't we watch a movie, then if you fall asleep I'll have something else to do?" 

The invite did sound too tempting to decline. 

"Sure, let's go" Lisa simply said with a nod of her head.

With her head on the crook of Soojin's neck, what lisa was feeling felt a lot like when she was floating on the ocean in Thailand. She felt at peace. 

Hugging the curves of the younger girl's body, Lisa fell into slumberland after a couple of minutes, while a hand traced lightly up and down her spine. 

Even though she had had her fair share of sleep during her stay in Thailand, she had never fell asleep that quickly. Her mind had always been occupied by something else. But with Soojin's warmth emanating from her body basically cuddling her to sleep, her mind had never felt more rested.

When she woke up, the movie had already ended but Lisa couldn't really tell how much time had passed. All she noticed was the regular breath coming from the girl partially under her.  
She didn't know wether Soojin had fallen asleep too, but she for sure wouldn't risk waking her up while trying to find out. 

"Hi, sleepyhead" Soojin said while staring down at Lisa. 

The blonde didn't know, but Soojin could tell that she was awake by the sudden irregularity of her heart beat. 

Lisa shuffled a little before groaning and burying herself deeper against the brunette's side again. 

"I let you sleep, now you have to entertain me" Soojin said, her voice low. 

Why did everything the brunette said always sounded so sexual, yet her tone was so innocent? Lisa thought, while she stirred and pushed herself on her elbows. Soojin's words had managed to wake her up completely. 

"So it this what you think of me as? A clown?"

"No, you're the whole circus" Soojin said jokingly. 

Lisa noticed how her eyes formed two straight lines when she smiled and her nose would scrunch up slightly every time. Instead of only thinking it, she decided to voice her thoughts. 

"You look cute when you smile" 

Soojin easily got embarrassed when she got complemented, and this time it was no exception. 

The cuteness was too much for Lisa to handle, who leaned forward and placed a kiss on the girl's left cheek which became even redder if possible. 

Lisa laughed at the state the girl was in. She found it amusing she could have this effect on a person. She had never had someone get this flustered because of her. Surprisingly, it felt great to know that her words and her actions could affect someone so beautiful like Soojin. 

After her arms had started to cramp because of having to support her whole body weight over Soojin, Lisa finally decided to reassume her original position and cuddled once again the brunette's side, who in contrast hadn't moved a muscle since they had laid down on the bed. 

the silence that had fallen back between the two of them was once again broken by the younger girl. 

"I think we should talk about this some time" Soojin had said while turning her head into Lisa's direction, her breath hitting Lisa's forehead. 

Lisa's hold around the girl's waist tightened a bit as soon as she heard the words coming out of her mouth. But after an imperceptible moment she loosened it again and brought her hand to the brunette's right arm where she started lazily moving it up and down in a reassuring pattern. 

Lisa just hummed before she added "Some time. Now please let's stay like this for while".

And they did, the feeling of security that Soojin was providing Lisa was too strong for the girl to just walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me for the lack of Jenlisa moments. I promise they're coming back next chapter!


	28. XXVII.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the last part of this chapter while listening to “Stay Here” by Gaho and thought it fit perfectly.

Jennie had given up on the idea that Lisa would come back to school any time soon.   
Even so, her eyes still widened every time they'd catch a glimpse of blonde hair, or a sniff of what resembled the younger's perfume. 

But that morning, her mind had been so tired from all the sleepless nights that she had been going through for the last month, that she hadn't even bothered to keep her head high while walking down the main hallway of her high school.   
With her gaze following her feet, she was making her way to class. 

Leaning on a locker nearby, was Lisa. She had been shamelessly flirting with Soojin, exchanging words that she had never thought she'd say to a girl, when suddenly her eyes adverted something. Or rather, someone: Jennie, walking towards her with her head hanging low. 

At the sight of the brunette coming closer by the seconds, Lisa felt her adrenaline levels rise dangerously. Her eyes kept going back and forth from Soojin to Jennie. She hoped the former wouldn't notice it. 

When Jennie was just an inch away, Lisa's breath caught up in her throat. 

But Jennie walked right past her, not giving the taller girl even a glance. 

Lisa exhaled, but still couldn't help but feel an arising feeling at the pit of her stomach.   
Had Jennie avoided her on purpose or had she simply not seen her? 

Her mind was racing at that point and Soojin, given her extremely attentive nature, had already noticed and caught up on what had just happened. 

"Lis? Are you listening?" The brunette had said, while taking Lisa's hand gently and interrupting the blonde's train of thoughts. 

"Yeah, yeah I just got distracted for a second. Sorry" Lisa's eyes had widened for a second before answering the girl's question. She hoped Soojin couldn't see just how conflicted she was at the moment. 

"You should talk to her" Soojin said right after. 

"Who?" Lisa pretended not to catch up on who the brunette was talking about.

"Jennie. Isn't it her who just got you distracted?" 

Lisa sighed. Of course Soojin would notice her sudden change of behavior. She was top of her year for a reason.   
Instead of answering, Lisa hummed and tried to avert the younger's eyes that were set on her. When the bell rang, she made an excuse about how she had to go to class straight away and greeted her goodbye with a kiss on the cheek before saying they'd see each other later for lunch. 

Thankfully, Lisa didn't share her first period with Jennie. They'd have an afternoon class together that day, though. But still, that meant that Lisa could have the whole day to prepare herself on how to deal with Jennie. 

Between having to try to catch up on as much lost material as she could and speaking to teachers about her three weeks "family problems related" leave from school, Lisa entered the cafeteria for lunch feeling like she was already done with the day.   
Thailand had been good for her mental health surely, but it had also slowed her down a bit. She wasn't used anymore to the frenetic high school life. At that time of the day she'd usually be laying on a towel at a beach with Minnie somewhere, and the only worry that would cross her mind would be which book to read next. 

Feeling exhausted, she had lined up to get some food, failing to notice not one but two sets of cat eyes that were staring at her from two different sides of the cafeteria.   
One was coming from Soojin, who was patiently waiting for the blonde to make her way to her table. The other came from Jennie. Rather than her usual daring look, Jennie looked perplexed. Flabbergasted, actually. 

The older girl kept watching Lisa the whole time, from her light chatting with Chaeyoung who had spotted her in the crowd to her making her way to a brunette-haired girl. 

Jennie couldn't really tell what it was that was making her keep her eyes glued on the girl. It wasn't like she didn't want to stop staring, more like she couldn't get herself to. Seeing Lisa sit beside that Soojin girl and smile at her brightly shouldn't be coming that much as a surprise to her, but it still did. 

Seeing Lisa, in general, was affecting her more than she thought it would. So, without bothering to eat the untouched food in front of her, she had stood up and quickly ran out of the cafeteria, managing to throw her tray in the trash in the process. 

Lisa, this time, had been more discreet about keeping an eye on Jennie. But still, with the corner of her eyes, she had managed to pay attention to the brunette's dramatic exit. 

When she had averted her stare from the door, she had met Jisoo's eyes, looking at her with a knowing look. 

Lisa's instincts were telling her to bail on her afternoon classes and just go home to sleep. But her more responsible side had managed to win over her lazy one and take her right to her next period. 

Weirdly enough, she had been on time. For once, she had the luxury of actually choosing where she would be seated for the next forty five minutes. She put her bag and books on the third row desk near the window, so that she could stare outside if the lecture would reveal herself boring like it usually was. 

With only a few minutes missing from the tardy bell, the class was almost full. There were only a couple seats left around the classroom, one being next to Lisa. She didn't have many friends in that class because she'd usually spend her time with Jennie. 

While she was thinking of her, Lisa realized that the girl had still to enter the class. Lisa found the behavior weird enough, given how Jennie was never late to anything. 

And when the teacher started the lesson, not before giving Lisa a welcome back, and Jennie was still nowhere to be found, the blonde's girl worry increased drastically. 

Lisa tried convincing herself that the brunette must have gone home. At the same time, she kept thinking, Jennie had a perfect attendance that she sure wouldn't ruin to skip two classes of forty minutes each. 

Just when Lisa was about to give up on her questioning, a knock on the door was heard.   
Jennie had made her way inside and asked the teacher to still admit her to class. The latter complied, and the brunette made her way to the only seat left: the one next to Lisa. 

Lisa had watched the whole interaction between Jennie and the teacher attentively. She didn't miss to notice how the usual confident aura that seemed to surround Jennie all the time had been replaced by a shy and worn out behavior. Jennie had talked without looking the teacher's in the eyes and had made her way to her desk with her hair still covering almost all her face. 

That's why it didn't come as a surprise when Jennie, as soon as she took her seat next to the blonde, just kept looking down at her notebook and pretend the girl next to her didn't exist. 

Lisa hadn't expected this. After Jennie's desperate call about a week ago, she hadn't imagined the brunette jumping at her neck to greet her, but she'd be lying if she said she hadn't expected an hello at least. 

But Jennie kept quiet and avoided meeting Lisa's eyes at all costs. Clearing her throat or "accidentally" letting her pen fall from her desk and near Jennie's feet were only few of the numerous attempts that the younger girl did to catch the older's attention. 

With only a few minutes missing for the end of the period, Lisa decided that she couldn't once again let things go. She scribbled something on a piece of paper and slowly pushed it towards Jennie's desk. 

The note said "Meet me at the park after the end of class. We need to talk"

Lisa didn't have the time to register Jennie's reaction because the bell had rung and she was already making her way to the park, where she hoped the brunette would show up. 

Weirdly enough, it was a good day. The sun wasn't fully out but at least the sky was clear and the clouds could be seen. A weather like that wasn't to be taken for granted in Korea, where fog and humidity were the usual combination. 

Lisa decided to sit on the bench where the girls and her used to spend all their time in middle school. The park was a five-minute walk from their junior campus and it was a well known hang out spots for kids their age. As they grew older, they stopped going there. Everyone preferred going to the movies or hanging out at someone's dirty basement rather than a lame park filled with ducks. 

Lisa still went there from time to time. She liked going there to read or simply seat on their bench and absorb the chaos of the environment. Wether it was kids laughing and playing tag or the ducks quaking she loved getting lost in that place. 

She didn't bother taking out the Murakami novel she had in her bag. She wanted to stay positive that Jennie was coming soon. She wouldn't know how to react if she wouldn't show up. The mere thought left her uncomfortable. 

( flashback )

It had been one of the last days of seventh grade. The June sun was starting to feel too hot to keep going to school. Twelve-year-old Rosè, Jennie, Jisoo and Lisa were indeed enjoying their popsicles that, in the scorching sun, left orange and purple stains on their summer uniforms. 

While Lisa was busy bickering with Chaeyoung after the latter had made her popsicle fall on the ground, Jennie was sitted on the Chanel towel her mum had made her bring, her head leaning against a tree.   
Her eyes were closed but she was still aware of everything that was going on around her. She could hear the two younger girls high pitched voices and Jisoo's low one while, sitting beside her, she laughed about the scene unfolding in front of them. 

Jennie smiled. Sometimes, picturing the scene in her head felt better than living it.   
Like when in her room, after a long day of school, she'd start hearing the sound of dinner getting cooked and her parents lazily discussing their day.   
Even if a part of her always told her to join them downstairs and envision the domestic scene with her own eyes, there was something about laying in bed with her eyes closed and her nostrils full of the smell of food and home, that kept her at her place. 

With the years, Jennie had learned that dreaming, sometimes, was better than reality itself. Especially when the reality in question didn't exist anymore. 

When their family company had started to take off for real, work had doubled for her parents and so had their working hours apparently. After a while, they stopped coming home for dinner altogether and hired a full time governess to cook for their daughter.   
Even then, Jennie laid on her bed and kept her eyes closed while she imagined her parents cooking and conversing downstairs. For a few moments, Jennie was usually able to feel transported back to simpler times. It'd be only when the shrill voice of her nanny called for her that she'd be taken back to reality and the dinner table would be set for one. 

"They're such children. Do you think they'll ever stop fighting over nothing?" Jisoo said, scoffing.

To a question which she couldn't hum or shake her head to, Jennie had no choice but to open her eyes and answer. 

"I don't know where they get the strength to do it" Jennie said, her eyes barely open after being closed for so long. She was sure that if it wasn't for the girl next to her talking to her, she would have dozen off to sleep. 

"But the funniest thing is" Jisoo said while standing up from the ground and cleaning the dirt from her skirt in the process "that they stop immediately if one of us two say something".

She smirked towards the brunette who was looking up at her with one hand over her eyes, shielding them from the sun. 

"Watch this" Jisoo said before taking a step forward and yelling "Chaeyoung! Lisa! What are you, five years old? Fighting over some damn ice cream"

As soon as the black haired girl pronounced the words, the two younger girls who were standing beside the pond almost tearing the clothes off of each other, suddenly froze and looked towards the direction the voice was coming from. 

Jennie was watching the scene and smiling amused at how the two blonde girls were quick to mutter an apology to each other before making their way to her and Jisoo. 

"She started it!" Lisa said defensively while taking a place on the towel next to Jennie. 

Just before Chaeyoung could answer back to the girl and start fighting again, Jisoo had shushed them out quickly. 

Jennie leaned her head on Lisa's shoulder. She didn't feel like participating in the conversation that day,let alone assisting at her friends fighting, so she let her eyes close again while a soft sigh left her mouth. It felt like her body was finally catching up to a whole year of tiredness, leaving her no choice but to let herself drift to sleep.

When she woke up, she couldn't register where she was. When her eyes focused, she noticed that the almost deserted park and realized she had slept for more than intended. She didn't hear the voices of the girls anymore. For a second, she they had just left her alone in a park. Then, the sensation of the bony shoulder that she was still leaning onto brought her memories back: she had fallen asleep on Lisa. The girl was still there. 

Jennie moved from her position only for her eyes to be met with the sight of a sleeping Lisa leaning into the tree. Jennie didn't know why but she just couldn't get herself to wake her up. She just looked so... at peace.   
Her bangs were covering up her eyes and little snores were leaving her nose and her slightly parted lips. Jennie's eyes didn't seem to move from Lisa's mouth.   
A thought passed through her head. Something so quick that she wasn't even sure wether it had happened to not. 

Her brain wondered how it would be like to kiss Lisa. 

Would it be like kissing a boy? No way, her lips looked way softer for it to feel the same. 

Jennie kept staring at the younger face, her mind full of questions. Ever since she had her first kiss, her mind hadn't been able to keep reminding her how disappointed it had been. She had grown up all her life, awaiting for the fairy tale kiss that she was promised. So when she had pressed her lips into Jake's crusty and thin ones her whole world had come crashing down. Where were the butterflies and the fireworks? Where was the warmth and the giddiness? 

Her barely adolescent self had brushed the memory off, and decided that Jake simply was not the right guy for her. After Jake, came Brandon and Chris and Matthew but none of them had made her feel like her legs were about to give in on her or as if she had learned of the existence of a whole new world. Love still felt like a mystery to her. 

That's why kissing Lisa hadn't sounded so bad in her mind. If it was about the right guy, she sure wouldn't feel anything kissing her, right?

Deciding to not dwell on her decision anymore, Jennie brought her face close to Lisa's. The distance was so little that she could see the invisible fuzzy hairs on the girl's skin.   
Jennie took notice of the things that she already knew but never could truly gaze at, like how Lisa's skin was a tone darker than hers and had, in the light, an almost golden shade to it,the thickness of Lisa's eyebrows or how the mole over her left eye was invisible to almost anyone. Anyone who wasn't a couple inches from her face. 

After taking a deep breath, Jennie brought her mouth to Lisa's. Her lips stayed still on hers. Too afraid to wake the sleeping girl up, she held her breath for as long as she could. 

First came the warmth, then the butterflies. And she was sure that if Lisa had been kissing her back right then, there would have been the fireworks too. 

Too startled by the sensation, Jennie moved away quickly from the girl. Only in the process, she had lost her balance and fallen right over the blonde's laps, waking the blonde up.   
Jennie laid still while Lisa stirred awake. 

Looking down at the fake sleeping girl, Lisa smiled. 

Just as she was about to lose hope, Lisa made out a tiny figure making her way towards her from afar. 

When she finally reached her, they were two feet apart but neither of them was making a move to close the distance between them. 

After staring at each other for a few seconds, Jennie reassumed walking again towards Lisa only to pass right next to her and head to the pond. Fumbling with her bag she took out a pack of crackers and started throwing them into the water where they were fought over by the ducks and the fishes. 

"I haven't been here in a long time" the brunette said all of sudden. Her eyes were following the movements of the little animals in front of her.

"We used to hang out here everyday in middle school" Lisa replied, suddenly feeling conscious about her choice of meeting there.

"We were kids back then" Jennie' voice hid a sense of malilcholy and longing. 

"If you think about it, we still are"

"Are we? Cause I didn't feel like a kid even when I was one for sure" Jennie eyes were still staring blankly at the surface of the water while she pronounced the words with such heaviness that Lisa had to turn around and face her. 

Lisa looked at Jennie with a confused look. Sometimes she felt like she was talking to a stranger because when Jennie said things like this, it made Lisa think she didn't know her best friend at all. 

Had Jennie really had a tough childhood? Is that why she's saying she never felt like a kid before?

But most importantly, how could she never notice it?

"Jennie, I think we need to talk" Lisa's words came out in all the seriousness she had intended on.

Jennie, on the other hand, acted like she hadn't heard Lisa, and took a step towards the girl before saying:

"I've never seen you this tanned before. You look nice". Jennie eyes didn't look as dull as they had a few moments before. While pronouncing the words to Lisa, an unfamiliar softness and warmth could be spotted on the older's gaze.

"I'm serious, Jennie". Lisa chose to avoid how her brain had gone into total panic mode after the brunette's compliment. She was tired of being this affected by Jennie's mere presence. 

"Me too." Jennie answered but didn't bother articulating on what she just said. 

For the first time that day, Jennie was looking, truly looking, at Lisa. It seemed like she was taking notice of all the small changes that the three week vacation brought to her body. Her eyes were scanning from Lisa's lighter hair to the freckles on her face and the white line on her finger where she usually wore her ring.

"So you don't have anything to say?" 

"About you leaving for Thailand for almost a month without even having the decency of letting your bestfriend know? Oh, I'd have plenty to say". Jennie said, her sarcastic tone back on. 

" I needed to think" was all Lisa could get herself to say. 

She had come prepared to have a real conversation with Jennie, she had actually been the one to initiate it, yet now that it was happening she could barely mutter two words together. 

"You disappeared. Didn't even bother to send me a text" Jennie said. It was clear that her level of anger was slowly rising. The coldness of her voice where enough to prepare Lisa for the worst. 

"Then I finally find a way to call you and you act all cold on me like I'm fucking no one!" Jennie hissed. She had failed to keep her cool and was now letting all her pent up frustration speaking for her. 

" I treated you like no one because sometimes I feel like you are! I feel like i don't even know you lately. Or better, like I never truly did. You and your ten different personalities kept messing with my head and I needed a break"

"A break? From me? Well, I hope you enjoyed it while you left me here. Alone" the harsh tone Jennie used startled Lisa. Only someone who wasn't affected by the conversation could notice that there wasn't hatred in Jennie's words, but pain. 

There was something in Jennie's words that made Lisa snap. Maybe it was how she seemed to have completely missed the whole point of her words or how she had made Lisa's struggles something about her but Lisa answered with the first thing that came through her mind that could possibly hurt the older girl's:

"You could have gotten one of your boyfriends to keep you company" 

Jennie eyes widened for a second. Letting her arms falling to her side, she took another step towards the blonde. That close, their height difference was more than noticeable.

"That's what you don't understand. I don't want them" Jennie said while taking another determinate step towards Lisa. Staring at the taller girl's eyes, her own were shining while she said:

"I want you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I poured my heart into this chapter and I truly hoped you enjoyed it. I'd really appreciate it if you let me know what you think of the story so far in the comments xx


	29. XXVIII.

"I don't want them"

"I want you"

Jennie had said before closing the gap between her and Lisa's body and crashing their lips together.   
Just like that afternoon of several years ago, Lisa hadn't kissed her back. It was only when she felt Jennie's hand on her back bringing her closer and her tongue pressing harder on her mouth that she was brought back to reality. Bringing her hands to the brunette's face, she kissed her back. 

They kissed like they knew no other language. Their kisses were sensual and heavy, yet delicate and profound. With their kisses, they were fighting and making up. 

Jennie had managed to get her hands under Lisa's shirt. With her palms pressing harshly against the soft skin of the younger's back, she managed to keep the blonde close to her. Jennie held her like she was scared she would run away suddenly.   
But that hadn't been on Lisa's mind at first. She was too busy trying to tell Jennie everything she couldn't say. Still, her actions couldn't hide the hunger, the frustration and the pain that she was feeling. Her kisses were angry and harsh. The softness of Jennie's lips on hers was the only thing keeping her grounded and not letting her feelings take over her. 

She didn't want to hurt Jennie but the older girl had been hurting her for years. And she wasn't even aware of it.  
So, placing her hands on the shorter girl's shoulders, she abruptly pushed her back. 

Jennie had been so taken aback by the action, that the first thing she did was try to reconnect her lips to Lisa's but once again, she was stopped by the younger. 

"Jennie, what does this mean?" Lisa asked. She was still panting but the hurt in her eyes more than visible.

But still, Jennie's armor didn't crumble. Even in her most vulnerable moments, Jennie just couldn't get rid of the wall she had been building all her life. Even if Lisa had managed to knock down a few bricks, her recent absence had been enough for the brunette to put them back up.

So Jennie defended herself the only way she knew: she pushed Lisa away. 

"Does this have to mean anything?"

Lisa took a step back. Than another. She brought her hands to her face and then to her hair in frustration. 

"See? This is what I'm talking about!" 

"I can't do this anymore, Jennie. Do you understand that? I can't!" 

"I'm done... So done" 

Even if she could see the pain she was causing Lisa, Jennie did nothing except stand right in front of the girl. Her eyes were moving, studying Lisa's face with massive attention. Yet, she found herself frozen, unable to move even a limb.   
She didn't want to hurt the girl, that was the last thing on her mind. But in the back of her eyes ran images of Lisa. Lisa with Soojin, Lisa leaving without telling anyone, Lisa's sad eyes whenever Jennie said the wrong thing. Her mother. 

So, when the blonde started taking rapid steps back, Jennie still didn't move. Even when Lisa turned her back on her and started running away, tears running down her face, Jennie remained motionless. 

It was only when Lisa had already turned the corner out of the park that a feeble sound left Jennie's lips. 

"Wait" she had said. 

Lisa couldn't say how she found herself in her mum's arms, being slowly rocked back and forth, while she bawled her eyes out. 

After Jennie had once again proved how what they were doing ( which Lisa couldn't even come up with a name for) was just a game, Lisa had started running. At first, she went around the city aimlessly, not caring how much her legs had started burning after the first couple of miles. She just kept going. She needed the pain she was feeling to be justifiable, tangible. She'd rather voluntarily hurt herself rather than acknowledge the pain caused by somebody else. 

Someone who didn't care about her. At all. 

So she just kept running, one foot in front of the other, until it was dark outside. After a while, she was in front of her house. 

She had thought about going to Rosé or Jisoo's house. She even thought about going to Soojin's. But her body had brought her home. 

Her mum had found her in her room after she had come back from work. She had tried calling for Lisa, but she got no response. 

But even when her mum had taken her in her arms and whispered sweet words to try to calm her down, Lisa still didn't speak. Even if she wanted too, the loud sobs that seemed to rip through her chest prevented her to do so. 

Lisa's mind was chaos. She could barely register the "Baby" and "What's wrong?" that would leave her mother's mouth periodically.

Even if she asked and even if there was no answer, her mum knew. How could she have not? 

Mothers are observant. They see everything that goes around them. Playing dumb is just a skill that comes with their age and their role. 

"Mums know you even when you don't know yourself." That's what Lisa's mother had told her once. It had been the summer between eight and ninth grade. That horrible period between childhood and adolescence when kids feel themselves rejected by both.   
Too old to be a kid, too young to be an adult. 

People spend all their life trying to find themselves. For some, this knowledge comes early, for some late and for some their question will just never be satisfied. 

Still, it had been no surprise when the woman had found her daughter in her bathroom with plastic gloves on her hands and her hair drenched in hair dye. It didn't take a genius to understand that Lisa was bleaching her hair. Or rather, trying to.

Her inexperienced hands had gotten the dye on half of her hair, leaving the other half with Lisa natural color: black. Lisa hated it. Ever since middle school, her girl friends started changing their hair color. From jet black hair she had seen girls turning their hairstyle bright orange, pink or even a daring neon green.

Lisa wanted to be blonde. She had gotten the idea when Rosé had showed up to school one day with lavender hair. Maybe it wasn't the same type of idolization she had for Jennie, but Lisa truly admired Rosé. She envied how effortlessly feminine and composed she managed to look all the time. Lisa, on the other hand, felt and envisioned herself like a fourteen year old boy. The short black hair and the baggy clothes sure didn't help, but it was what Lisa felt more comfortable in. 

You could even say, it was what she felt more "herself" in. And her mum knew that. That's why it had come to a shock for the woman to find her daughter trying to change her appearance so drastically and recklessly. What had come to a surprise the most for her though, had been how Lisa, who used to always tell her everything, didn't ask for help. Her mum would have given it, at least to avoid the messy scene she had just walked in. 

"Lisa, baby, what are you doing?"

Lisa looked like a deer in the middle of a highway. Her doe eyes managed to look even bigger when widened and, overall, she just looked scared.

"I... Chaeng got a new hair color" was all she managed to say. 

Any other mum would have probably started scolding her daughter after they had found her in such situation. But Lisa's mum had never really seen the point of yelling at their kid, especially when they're learning about life. 

So, she gently took the white container from one of Lisa's hand and the brush from the other. Standing in front of her mirror behind Lisa, she stared at the mess her daughter had caused on her hair and thought about how could she save what was still untouched by the teen girl. 

"I see" was all she said, while trying to untangle bleach-drenched strands of hair. 

"Why didn't you come to me, though? I could have helped you"

"I was afraid you'd dismiss the idea with one of your "everybody got their own charm" speech" Lisa said while avoiding to look into her mum's eyes in the mirror. 

"I have nothing against you changing how you look, as long as it's cause you want to and not because you feel like you have to. Do you understand that?" 

Lisa hummed before saying:"What if it's both?"

"Then I'd wanna know why exactly you feel like you need to change your appearance" Lisa's mum said while keeping the same sweet tone she always used. Her hands were running through Lisa's short hair in a gentle manner in order to spread the dye equally. 

"They all look like girls while I look like... this" Lisa said while indicating her whole body with a motion of her hands. 

"With this you mean like...?" Lisa's mum knew to move carefully in a conversation like this. In her fourteen years of being a mother she had learned that if you give kids the right space and time, their thoughts, the real ones, will eventually flow out naturally. 

"I don't know. They're all so girly, I always end up feeling so out of place. Not just with them."

Lisa's mum kept slowly nodding with her head, motioning for her daughter to keep talking. She was letting her know she was not only listening to her, but trying to understand her too. 

"And by dying your hair you feel like you'll belong?" The woman asked tentatively.

"I'm not naturally pretty like Jennie. I need to do this"

As soon as Lisa's mum heard the name, something clicked in her head. She finally got where all this that Lisa was doing was coming from. 

"And what does Jennie think of your natural hair?"

"She likes it, actually" Lisa said with the ghost of a smile. 

"Okay, then. Let's make sure she likes the new hair too, shall we?"

Lisa's mum said before going back to working on the young girl's hair who, while staring at herself in the mirror, smiled. 

Lisa didn't know when she stopped crying. She didn't even remember falling asleep, her mind must have been too exhausted not to crumble in her mum's embrace. 

When she woke up, she was alone. A soft blanket had been put on top of her while she was sleeping. 

The puffiness of her eyes made it hard for her to open them fully and she felt her head throbbing as soon as she put one feet out of the bed. Staying in bed would have done her no good. Getting some sleep had managed to calm her down a bit but still, she felt nervous about making her way downstairs and facing her mum. 

With each step, Lisa felt a sharp pain on the side of her head. She didn't know wether the headache had been because of dehydration, too much sleep or the emotional stress she was just put through. Probably a mix of the three. 

When she reached the kitchen, she found her mum in front of the stove. She was too busy cooking to notice the girl standing behind her. Without announcing her appearance, the tall girl took a seat at the kitchen island where her and her mum used to always eat. Lisa could probably count with the fingers of one hand how many times the two of them had used the dining room. Ever since her dad left, it just seemed useless to set such a huge table for two people. So they took the habit of eating on the small island that stood in the center of the room.

When the middle aged woman finally turned around, she looked startled to see her daughter sitting in their kitchen, like she wasn't having a mental breakdown just a few hours ago. 

"Are you cooking Pad Krapao Gai?" Lisa was surprisingly the first to break the silence. Her voice had come out raspy and feeble from all the crying she did before. 

"I knew you wouldn't have eaten anything else today" Lisa's mum said with a smile that resembled both a smirk and a sad one.

Lisa lowered her head to stare at her hands. Her mum was right. It was already rare for her have an appetite on normal circumstances, so when she was sad like she was feeling that night, she would usually skip dinner and make up a lame excuse to go to her room as soon as she could. But the smell of her favorite dish had already filled her nostrils and she could almost taste the basil in her mouth. 

They didn't talk until they both had a plate in front of them. 

"I'm not gonna ask you why you were crying if you don't wanna talk about it" her mum said, while looking at Lisa with sweet eyes. 

"But just know that it breaks my heart to see you sad" she then added. She had switched to Thai this time and Lisa was quite surprised to hear her speaking the language she once used with her dad. 

Lisa stayed silent for a while. Staring down at her plate, she nervously played with her food before saying:  
"I wanna talk about it. Actually, I want you to know something." Lisa said, gulping. 

"You know you can tell me anything, love" her mum said, never breaking eye contact with her daughter. 

She already had an idea about what Lisa was about to tell her but still she let the girl talk. 

"I... I think I'm in love" Lisa said, trying to ignore the loud beating of her heart that she could feel it in her ear. 

"Okay" Lisa's mum said tentatively. Her tone was meant to encourage the girl to speak further.

"With a girl" the blonde girl added. 

"Okay"

"It's Jennie" she then said all in one breath. Like tearing a band aid off, it was painful for a second before the pain turned into relief. It was a different kind of relief than the one she had felt that day at the beach with Minnie. This was was more loaded, more serious. But still, it felt good. 

"I know"

Lisa's breath caught in her throat. She gulped before asking: 

"You know?"

Lisa's mum nodded slowly, her soft smile never left her lips. 

"I think I've known for a long time now. Probably longer than you" she said with a small laugh, before adding "I was just waiting for you to come to me about it". 

Two hands met in the middle of the counter. One of them was shaking lightly but, luckily, the other was steady enough to for the both of them. 

"I'm happy you finally told me. And I want you to know that nothing's changing. Nothing" the woman tried reassuring the startled girl both with her words and her hands. Her thumb was moving in a circular pattern on the younger's skinny hands. 

At midnight, the two of them were still sitted at the kitchen counter, talking, laughing and crying. Lisa told her mum things she didn't even know she knew about herself while the former listened to her daughter's every word. 

They had a lot of years to catch on to.

That night, both Jennie and Lisa went to bed after having a conversation with their mother.  
But only for one of them had passed a pleasant evening. 

With one hand cupping her red marked cheek, Jennie finally let herself cry. But not even the tears could alleviate the pain she was feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy to have finally finished this chapter. I've written it between fifteen minutes study breaks so pardon me if it's a little messy but I needed to publish it, ether else I'd never be able to go on with the story.
> 
> I’m sorry if it’s taking me longer to update but exams are killing me.   
> On a lighter note, I’m currently working on a one shot book and I already plan on turning one story into a book, so please look forward to it!
> 
> Xx Emily


	30. XXIX.

After Lisa left, Jennie had stayed at the park. Alone. Watching the ducks eating the bread that was thrown at them by children and old men, the brunette girl stood still until the sky turned dark and her breath condensed in the cold air. 

Just like before, she couldn’t get herself to move even a muscle. She knew she should be heading home. Or better, she knew she should have been home about an hour ago.   
At the same time she couldn’t help but ask herself why. It wasn’t like there was anyone waiting for her, anyway. 

So, she waited at the park for a little bit more. She didn’t know what or who she was waiting for exactly, but there seemed to be something keeping her anchored to the place. She was afraid that if she left, everything that happened that day would become real. 

When her phone kept ringing, she understood that she must have stayed for way longer than intended and that was allowed of her. Her parents must have gotten home. 

After a while, she stopped feeling cold. She imagined what it would be like to just freeze like that forever, becoming a statue in an anonymous bench of an anonymous park, witnessing children playing with her and awkward make out sessions of couples of every age. She wouldn’t mind it. It was the right compromise between immortality and invisibility. She’d get to see the people she loved without hurting them. They’d be close yet out of reach. 

For Lisa, she wished she could be a statue. 

She’d be content to be even one of those cheap, fake-gold Buddha statue that people likes to put in their living room. She’d be able to see her every smile and cry even if she wasn’t the cause behind it. She’d even get to see those embarrassing but cute dance and singing performances people do when nobody’s around. She’d get to see a Lisa she hasn’t seen in a long time when she’s with her. A happy one. 

Yeah, she’d like that, Jennie thought while her lips curved into the first, and probably last, smile of the day. 

“Miss” her thoughts were interrupted by a middle aged man who had made her way to her with a blanket in his hands. 

Only when Jennie turned her head slightly, she recognized him to be her driver. 

He handed the blanket with both his hands. The girl took it and laid it on her laps before mumbling a little thanks. 

“I’m sorry Miss, I was instructed to bring you home” he said with his usual polite tone. 

Jennie knew the man since she was nine years old and she was sure she had spent more time with him than with her father. At first, Jennie had been reluctant to have a stranger driving her around to her every thing. Back then when he had just been hired, almost ten year old Jennie only saw him as another way her parents had found to not spend time with her. But as she grew older and Sebastian would be the only adult in her life greeting her good morning and good night, she found herself slowly opening up to him. 

Their relationship had always stayed in a somewhat professional zone. He had never stopped calling her Miss and she would still keep the divisor up when she had a bad day. Obviously, he couldn’t bring it down. Yet another relationship in Jennie’s life that depended exclusively on her. 

“Okay” she had said after a while. The man waited for her before he lead the way to the parked car.

When she got home, she was met with a sight she hadn’t seen in years. Her mum and her dad, both seated on two ends of one of the couches in the living room. Her dad was on his computer, probably working, while her mum was on a call. A work call, with all probabilities. 

“I’m gonna have to call you back” Mrs. Kim said as soon as she saw her daughter entering the main door. 

Jennie’s mum was still in her work attire. She was wearing a turquoise Chanel tailleur that along with her shoulder length hair contributed to the elegance that she seemed to radiate. Like mother like daughter. 

“Ruby Jane, why don’t you sit here with us for a minute?” Her words had come out as a question but there was no actual inquisition behind her words. And Jennie knew that. So she slowly took a seat in the couch in front of her parents. 

Only then her father finally bothered to look up from his computer screen. Even so, he didn’t say anything. If Jennie knew him enough like she thought she did, she was also sure that her dad would rather be in his study working. The only reason why he was sitting in their living room was because his wife had made him do it. His uninterested face was proving her right. 

“What were you doing in the park alone at night, young lady? You had us worried sick” Jennie knew her mum was going easy on her. She was still using her fake nice tone. In Jennie’s world it only meant that there was more coming. One word wrong and then the real question would be unraveled.

“I don’t get how you can be worried about someone you see once a week. And that’s a stretch”. Jennie didn’t care about infuriating her mum that night. She was done walking around eggshells in her own house. And most of all, pretending that she had a relationship with her parents. She didn’t get how they couldn’t just let her live her life as she pleased. They already had mastered the art of ignoring her. What good could it be to pretend to be present parents once every few months?

“You watch your tone when you speak to us, Jennie” her father finally said. Unlike her mother, he still called her by her name and not that pretentious double name her mum used with her. 

“You still haven’t answered our question” her mum added. 

“That’s cause I don’t own you any answers” Jennie shot back. She knew she was playing a dangerous game, but she couldn’t get herself to bow her head and nod yet another time. She was done letting her parents dictate her life when they weren’t even a part of it. 

“As long as you live in this house, you do”. Jennie’s mum still hadn’t lost the composure that characterized her. 

She proceeded to slowly cross her legs before adding:

“So I’m gonna ask you one more time, Ruby Jane, and I hope you tell me the truth... what were you doing in a park, at night, alone?”

“I wasn’t alone” was all Jennie muttered. Her eyes were staring back at her parents’, not faltering even once. 

“Who were you with, then?” 

“Lisa”

“I’m not surprised to be honest” Jennie’s mother said before sighing loudly and turning towards her husband, pronouncing the next words like their daughter wasn’t seated right in front of them.

“I told you I had caught onto something, didn’t I?”

Her father, as usual, didn’t answer and just shrugged at his wife’s words. Nevertheless the two shared a glance that they held for a few seconds. 

Mrs. Kim adjusted her blazer for the tenth time that night, an habit of her. She always looked impeccable, even when it was just the three of them at home and nobody could judge her. Or so Jennie thought. The woman straightened her back before saying:

“Your father and I think it’s best that you don’t see Lisa for a while. At least until the school ends”

Jennie stood still, her eyes in a flipper game between her mother and her father.   
She stared at the straight line that was her mum’s mouth, wondering wether she had imagined the words that had come out of her mouth.

“What?” Flabbergasted, the brunette girl wanted to stand up and run away but, as usual, her stubbornness and pride kept her from doing so.   
“I don’t think Lisa is a good influence on you lately. Your grades have been going downhill in the last weeks” 

“That’s... not true” Jennie said. Even if outside of the house she had never had problems speaking her mind, once she was inside the four walls that she reluctantly called home, everything changed. It was like she wasn’t herself but the version her parents expected her to be. 

“What did you say? Speak up, young lady, we can’t hear you if you whisper” Her mother kept going. It was clear that she was starting to get irritated at her daughter’s answers. 

“I said” the brunette girl said before clearing her throat and pushing back her shoulders “it’s not true. And I’m not gonna stand here while you talk bad about my best friend. She’s the best thing that has happened to me”. 

While talking, Jennie had stood up. Towering over her parents, she had spat every word with clearance. 

Naturally, her mother would never just stay back and let Jennie win an argument. Because of her décolleté, while standing up, she was slightly taller than Jennie. 

“Do you really think she cares for you?” 

Her mother’s words tasted like poison and Jennie couldn’t help but be taken aback for a second, doubting her own beliefs. Did Lisa actually care about her? Did anyone?

Then, taking a step forward, she was almost face to face with the woman. 

“More than you two put together” she finally said. 

As soon as the words left her mouth, she felt a sharp pain spreading from her cheek to her skull. For a second, everything was silent. Jennie’s brain could only register the echo of the loud slap. 

Her mum had hit her. 

Before she could give the satisfaction of breaking down in front of either of her parents, she slowly turned around and made her way to the stairs, not before grabbing the bag she had left next to the door. 

She knows her mum doesn’t like when she does that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,   
> Sorry if I’ve disappeared but I’ve found it really hard to write lately.  
> I know this chapter doesn’t make up for it but please bare with me


	31. XXX.

Chaeyoung was leaning her head on the window of the passenger side of her mum's minivan. It was Sunday, which meant only one thing: church. 

While she wanted nothing more than wear her headphones and listen to the saddest playlist she had on her phone, she was stuck listening to some kind of religious station her mum had registered on her radio.

Sometimes, she hated going to church. How could you grow to hate a place that allegedly spreads nothing but love and tolerance? Chaeyoung was also well aware that hate is a strong word. She was reminded of that quite a few times.

"There's no place for hate in a christian's heart" her catechism teacher, Mrs. Jenkins, had told her after nine-year-old Rosie had told her whole table how much she hated the color green when asked about a fun fact about herself. 

She was eleven when she was denied access to the Sunday's function because she was wearing a shirt that had a little skull wearing a pink ribbon on it.   
Sister Theresa told her that she should have been ashamed of entering the house of the lord with a satanic symbol. 

Rosie had been so traumatized and embarrassed that she had tossed away the shirt as soon as she got home. Even though it had been a birthday present from her friends. When asked why she never wore it, she had to lie and say she had lost it during a camping trip. 

But these little episodes were just the tip of an iceberg of things Chaeyoung's mind hadn't been able to wrap around until... well, until now. 

"Do you think you can turn it down a bit? I have a headache" the girl told her mum, who was busy humming to the folky guitar melody playing through the radio. 

"Sure, sweetie. What's up with you lately? You seem down".

Chaeyoung hesitated. For a second, she thought about blurting out everything that was had been bothering her lately. For a second. 

Then, the good catholic girl that was in her, the one who was taught that to give displeasures to your parents could as well be considered sinning, brought a slight smile on her face. Her lips curved a little, but the expression didn't reach her eyes. 

"Just school stuff" she said. 

She could have lied differently, one could have thought. She could have said "boy problems" or "I'm having some troubles with the band" but both were on the line of being taboos at the Parks house. 

Loren surely didn't give off the I'll-bring-her-home-by-nine-sir that parents so love. But she had been able to sell him out as a good guy who treats her well. Still, nobody longed to talk about him. Even when he was over, her mum never asked him to stay for dinner if not on strictly inevitable situations. 

Part of why her parents hadn't prohibited Rosie from seeing Loren again was that part of the brain washing that the girl had done on them was convincing them that the band they were both in was indeed a Christian band who sang, you guess it, Christian music. 

They even recorded a couple of covers to show her parents. Probably along the top five most embarrassing moments in Chaeyoung's religion-dictated life. 

"Oh, everything's gonna be alright, Rosie. God only gives what you can take".

The girl smiled again at her mother's obliviousness before turning once again back to the window and rolling her eyes. 

Winter was finally starting to end and Lisa had never been more grateful for spring to be finally making her way this year. 

She was done with the cold and humid weather that only managed to accentuate the absolute hell that it was already going to school. She was looking forward to park dates and softly tanning her skin in her garden while reading a book. Actually, she would probably avoid parks for a while now. 

She was trying to keep anything Jennie-related out of her mind. But considering that would be practically impossible given how they grew together, she decided she would probably start with avoiding the places they went to and the things they used to do. 

That's why when Soojin proposed going for a picnic in the park, Lisa's face convulsed in disagreement. Even if she hadn't been aware, she did the same when Soojin asked to get some ice creams. 

"Okay, Lis. I see you're not very collaborative today, so I'll let you decide where to go" Soojin tried not to sulk and keep her usual soft expression. She knew that it'd take a lot of patient if she wanted to breach the blonde's high defenses. 

"No! I'm sorry... you decide. Whatever is fine, really" Lisa said, panicking before making eye contact with Soojin and letting her know she was serious. 

"So you promise me you're not gonna do that weird expression the next time I propose something?" The brunette girl said with her arms crossed. 

"What expression" lisa said, scrunching her nose. Her face tensed up again as a consequence. 

"You're doing it again" Soojin said before turning around and keep walking, leaving a confused Lisa behind. 

Lisa quickly sprinted to reach for the younger girl. 

They were now back to walking side by side, neither of them knew exactly where to, and no one surely was going to voice their thoughts. 

"We could go to the movies" Lisa tentatively asked. With the corner of her eyes she spied the brunette's reaction to her words. But her face had stayed the same and her arms were still in the prior position. 

"Whatever" 

Lisa admitted Soojin was kind of scary when she was mad. What was it with her and girls that looked like feisty cats? Talk about not having a type... 

"I know a great pizza place" Lisa tried again. 

Still no response. 

"There's also this really cute Kor-" 

But Lisa was cut off by what looked like a rather fuming Soojin. 

"If you don't wanna go out with me or if you're just proposing different places because you feel bad, please don't. I don't need that" 

Soojin blurted out all the words while keeping her stare in front of her and picking up her pace. Even if Lisa's legs were considerably longer, she struggled to keep up and had yet again to jog a bit. 

Why am I always jogging? Lisa said between herself and stifling a laugh before catching up with the brunette. 

When she finally managed to get a hold of the brunette's arm she quickly stopped her in her track and spun her around. 

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm not saying no because I don't wanna hang out with you. It's just..." Lisa left her words hanging before adding ,after seeing Soojin's expectant look, "It's complicated" 

Soojin sighed, finally letting her arms down. "I know it's complicated. I know that. But I also want you to be honest with me"

Lisa took a step forward, reluctant to be in Soojin's space. 

"I didn't want to go places I usually go with her. I want our date to be special" Soojin didn't miss how Lisa stuttered lightly when she pronounced the word date. She realized she couldn't be mad at someone who still got flustered at admitting they were, indeed, having a date. It was supposed to be a friendly date but, still. 

The brunette decided not to comment on what Lisa just said. She understood it and, even if it might not make her the happiest girl in the world, she accepted things for how they were. 

"We're going to the movies, then. Just don't follow asleep on me again this time" Soojin said before winking at the tall girl, who stared blankly at the girl's duality while she walked away. 

"You know, I thought someone who enjoys watching movies like The Handmaiden wouldn't be caught dead paying fifteen dollars for this sappy romcom." Lisa said, leaning slightly into Soojin to whisper the words into her ear. She did that even though there probably were about ten other people inside the room, all seated at least seven rows from them. 

Soojin chuckled lightly, touching the point of her nose as Lisa had noticed was a habit of her. 

"Oh, I go both ways" 

Lisa gulped before starting laughing as soon as she caught up on the joke. 

"Since you quoted Jennifer's Body, I see you've got good taste so I'll get off your back" Lisa said, jokingly bringing her hands to the air in surrender.

They both turned to watch the movie. Given the poor acting and plot, Lisa's span attention, which was already low on itself without further distractions, made her mind wonder to the most useless things around her. She started counting how many lights where on the ceiling, then how many rows separated her from the bald head that kept stuffing his mouth with cheesy pop corns. She then studied the couple on her left. She couldn't quite make out the both of them, but they were probably middle aged; fifty-something if she had to guess. It was probably an affair, no married couple looked that in love with each other. 

"What about you?" Soojin said.

"What about me?" Lisa answered with a questioning tone, pretending she was still following the crappy movie. She didn't want the girl next to her to get offended since she had been the one who had chosen it. 

"Do you go both ways?" 

Lisa stayed silent for a second, slightly taken aback by the question. 

Did she go both ways? 

"I don't know. Guess that's what I'm trying to figure out, too" Lisa said, a little bummed out. Not because of the question per se, but because of what questions like that made her feel. Anxious and confused. And she didn't like that. 

"That's okay, you'll figure it out, you know. I was just curious" 

Lisa nodded before trying to avert the conversation to something else as soon as possible. It's not that she didn't feel comfortable talking to Soojin about things like that, she just didn't think it was the time, or place. 

"But you do go both ways?" Lisa implied, face palming mentally at how many times they were repeating the expression in one conversation. 

"I do" the younger girl replied. Lisa could see the corner of her mouth turning up into a smirk. 

"So, that Hui guy might have had a chance?" 

"He might have" Soojin said, before smiling wickedly. Her eyes finally left the screen and turned towards Lisa, whom she said: "But not with you standing in the same room". 

Lisa couldn't believe that the shy girl who blushed as soon as you pronounced her name had made her blush probably already a dozen times. 

"I didn't know you where such a flirt" the blonde girl said, shifting uncomfortably on her seat under the other girl's stare. 

"You don't know a lot of things about me" 

"Oh, stop it" Lisa said, laughing and throwing a handful of the shared popcorns that stood in between them. 

"Is "make me" too obvious or should I come up with another answer?" The brunette kept going, sadistically enjoying how she was making the older girl grow extremely hot. 

Lisa scoffed before softly pushing Soojin away and telling her to get back to the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy I finally introduced the Chaeyoung narrative into the story. It might not seem like it, but her and Jennie are actually my favorite characters, personality and complexity wise.  
> By the way, I'm curious... does any of you have any ideas where te story is heading? I'd really like to read your thoughts :)

**Author's Note:**

> The work is currently being published on Wattpad. You can find it here: https://my.w.tt/QJyiVuXCHcb


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